"I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude."
~ Anonymous.
I spent most of last week wanting one thing and getting another. Don't you just hate that? I wanted a grateful heart (I've got lots to be thankful for) but instead I kept indulging myself with a cranky, whiny spirit. It was pitiful.
The census at the hospital has been low (which is probably a good thing in the full scope of life: low census = less sick people) but for the staff it means we get called off from our regular shifts. I got my first of three calls last week Monday morning at 5:00am. Not a good way to start off the week. I "dedicated" five of my days to the hospital last week and got to work only two. Needless to say, that threw a wrench in my plans and my paycheck. I wanted to be thankful that I have a job that helps pay the bills and then some. I wanted to be grateful that I have a house over head and food on the table whether or not I get called off from work. There are people in my town that a day without work means no food in their kids' bellies. But no, I whined and complained about it to anyone who would listen. What do you do when you know that gratitude is a good thing but you can't quite get there?
As the week progressed, I thought about all the families that lost their loved ones ten years ago. I especially thought about my friend, Bob, who lost his dad in the north tower. His dad was there for a three day business trip. Words cannot express that kind of sadness. As the memories flooded every media outlet, my inward heart longed to be grateful, but crankiness continued to hold its reign. I ask you, how is that possible?
I'm usually a happy go-lucky kind of girl, so this way of being was really beginning to drag me down. A couple of you even commented on my debby downer Facebook posts wondering, "What's up?" Ungratefulness, entitlement, and complaining hung like dark clouds over my mood.
Thursday night, gratitude tried to peek out from the clouds. I told Brad how much I loved him and listed off a boat load of reasons why I thought we were a great match. Brad then shared this treasure with me, "My life would be impoverished without you, my Cindybelle!" My heart melted. Crankiness got pushed out to sea (at least for the night). But as quickly as it went out, the next day it came in with the tide. Who fights with their husband after he shares that kind of goodness? That's right, I do. I concluded my week with a big ol' fight with Brad. Oh my! No need to worry, it's resolved. We really are a good fit =)
Anyone who knows me, knows that this season of my life is stellar! So, why all this whining and complaining? Believe-you-me, I was asking myself that all week. I really have no good reason for it. I can't even blame it on hormones. It just was. Has this ever happened to you?
What do you do to pull yourself out from a funk? Do you have anything that works?
I had a session this morning with my wonderfully intuitive coach, Lisa Pasbjerg. She started our session with this question, "What are you celebrating?" I uttered, "the blahs." Instead of celebrations, I shared my whine list. She asked me, "What do you want from this session?". Inspiration please! She countered with "What's worked in the past?"
Here's the list = A day on the water, fresh flowers, wearing a fun outfit, listening to my favorite playlist, inspiration shared with a girlfriend, cool sun-shiny weather, time spent with God, and a good dose of side-splitting belly laughter with Bradford that brings tears to my eyes. Before I got off the phone with Lisa, I told her that I had started this morning out with creating a playlist titled, "Monday Morning Blues Picker Uppers". She chuckled. In need of a new perspective, I ended the call with a challenge for myself ~ Take off the "blues" and don some pink and orange, which just happen to be my happy colors.
Well, I studied my list. Some of the things on my "debunk the funk" list were not readily available. So I set out for a moment with God.
I went outside. It was only 77 degrees. (Sunshiny and cool enough)
I laid down in my hammock and began to sway back and forth.
I listened to a playlist that soothes my soul. I let the songs gently soak in. Psalm 61 came to mind. Hmm...I thought. I wonder what that has to say to me and my cranky self. I opened to Psalm 61 in my handy little app on my phone.
Here's what I read: A David Psalm...
God, listen to me shout, bend an ear to my prayer. When I'm far from anywhere (hello can you say, "I've lived there all week"), down to my last gasp, I call out, "Guide me up High Rock Mountain!" You've always given me breathing room, a place to get away from it all. A lifetime pass to your safe-house, an open invitation as your guest (just what I needed - imagine that). You've always taken me seriously, God, made me welcome among those who know and love you. Let the days of the queen of less drama (Cindy paraphrased) add up to years and years of good rule. Set her throne in the full light of God; post Steady Love and Good Faith as lookouts. And I'll be the poet who sings your glory and live what I sing every day.
Can you say, "Wow"? It immediately lifted my spirits. After a sweet while, I came inside. I painted my toes pink with a little orange daisy. I dressed myself in a light, airy orange blouse...and voila. The transformation had begun.
It came down to a matter of choice sprinkled with breathing room, stillness, and a little appointment with my maker. So in keeping with my "debunk the funk" list, I decided to share the gift of inspiration with my girlfriends. I hope this brings a little pick me up to your Monday.
Questions to Ponder:
What helps you get out of a funk?
What helps change your perspective?
How can you be patient and gentle with yourself when crankiness rules your world?
Donning a pink and orange heart,
Cindy
