Contemplations of a Less Drama Queen

Wash the Blues Away with Pink and Orange!

2011-09-12T17:33:00.000-07:00

"I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude."
~ Anonymous.

I spent most of last week wanting one thing and getting another. Don't you just hate that? I wanted a grateful heart (I've got lots to be thankful for) but instead I kept indulging myself with a cranky, whiny spirit. It was pitiful.

The census at the hospital has been low (which is probably a good thing in the full scope of life: low census = less sick people) but for the staff it means we get called off from our regular shifts. I got my first of three calls last week Monday morning at 5:00am. Not a good way to start off the week. I "dedicated" five of my days to the hospital last week and got to work only two. Needless to say, that threw a wrench in my plans and my paycheck. I wanted to be thankful that I have a job that helps pay the bills and then some. I wanted to be grateful that I have a house over head and food on the table whether or not I get called off from work. There are people in my town that a day without work means no food in their kids' bellies. But no, I whined and complained about it to anyone who would listen. What do you do when you know that gratitude is a good thing but you can't quite get there?

As the week progressed, I thought about all the families that lost their loved ones ten years ago. I especially thought about my friend, Bob, who lost his dad in the north tower. His dad was there for a three day business trip. Words cannot express that kind of sadness. As the memories flooded every media outlet, my inward heart longed to be grateful, but crankiness continued to hold its reign. I ask you, how is that possible?

I'm usually a happy go-lucky kind of girl, so this way of being was really beginning to drag me down. A couple of you even commented on my debby downer Facebook posts wondering, "What's up?" Ungratefulness, entitlement, and complaining hung like dark clouds over my mood.

Thursday night, gratitude tried to peek out from the clouds. I told Brad how much I loved him and listed off a boat load of reasons why I thought we were a great match. Brad then shared this treasure with me, "My life would be impoverished without you, my Cindybelle!" My heart melted. Crankiness got pushed out to sea (at least for the night). But as quickly as it went out, the next day it came in with the tide. Who fights with their husband after he shares that kind of goodness? That's right, I do. I concluded my week with a big ol' fight with Brad. Oh my! No need to worry, it's resolved. We really are a good fit =)

Anyone who knows me, knows that this season of my life is stellar! So, why all this whining and complaining? Believe-you-me, I was asking myself that all week. I really have no good reason for it. I can't even blame it on hormones. It just was. Has this ever happened to you?

What do you do to pull yourself out from a funk? Do you have anything that works?

I had a session this morning with my wonderfully intuitive coach, Lisa Pasbjerg. She started our session with this question, "What are you celebrating?" I uttered, "the blahs." Instead of celebrations, I shared my whine list. She asked me, "What do you want from this session?". Inspiration please! She countered with "What's worked in the past?"

Here's the list = A day on the water, fresh flowers, wearing a fun outfit, listening to my favorite playlist, inspiration shared with a girlfriend, cool sun-shiny weather, time spent with God, and a good dose of side-splitting belly laughter with Bradford that brings tears to my eyes. Before I got off the phone with Lisa, I told her that I had started this morning out with creating a playlist titled, "Monday Morning Blues Picker Uppers". She chuckled. In need of a new perspective, I ended the call with a challenge for myself ~ Take off the "blues" and don some pink and orange, which just happen to be my happy colors.

Well, I studied my list. Some of the things on my "debunk the funk" list were not readily available. So I set out for a moment with God.

I went outside. It was only 77 degrees. (Sunshiny and cool enough)
I laid down in my hammock and began to sway back and forth.
I listened to a playlist that soothes my soul. I let the songs gently soak in. Psalm 61 came to mind. Hmm...I thought. I wonder what that has to say to me and my cranky self. I opened to Psalm 61 in my handy little app on my phone.

Here's what I read: A David Psalm...

God, listen to me shout, bend an ear to my prayer. When I'm far from anywhere (hello can you say, "I've lived there all week"), down to my last gasp, I call out, "Guide me up High Rock Mountain!" You've always given me breathing room, a place to get away from it all. A lifetime pass to your safe-house, an open invitation as your guest (just what I needed - imagine that). You've always taken me seriously, God, made me welcome among those who know and love you. Let the days of the queen of less drama (Cindy paraphrased) add up to years and years of good rule. Set her throne in the full light of God; post Steady Love and Good Faith as lookouts. And I'll be the poet who sings your glory and live what I sing every day.

Can you say, "Wow"? It immediately lifted my spirits. After a sweet while, I came inside. I painted my toes pink with a little orange daisy. I dressed myself in a light, airy orange blouse...and voila. The transformation had begun.

It came down to a matter of choice sprinkled with breathing room, stillness, and a little appointment with my maker. So in keeping with my "debunk the funk" list, I decided to share the gift of inspiration with my girlfriends. I hope this brings a little pick me up to your Monday.

Questions to Ponder:
What helps you get out of a funk?
What helps change your perspective?
How can you be patient and gentle with yourself when crankiness rules your world?

Donning a pink and orange heart,
Cindy

ahhh...to be truly known!

2011-04-28T09:28:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last wrote. I've been a busy girl learning the ropes and becoming a competent registered nurse. I do love it, but please, don't worry that I'll be giving this up. You all are my passion. My vision for Less Drama Queens "gets me up in the morning" or should I say evening depending upon which day it is. Did I tell you I'm working night shift? Let's just say it's a bit of an adjustment and leave it at that.

Have I shared with you my dreams for Less Drama Queens? I know I've told some of you about them. I so look forward to the day when we have Less Drama Queen groups throughout the United States - small communities of girlfriends - coming together regularly. Intentional. Connecting. Growing together. Inspiring each other. Maximizing potential. Sharing life together. Supporting each other. Living free. Thriving. And most of all - Making Life Matter. There is more to this vision (a retreat center, conferences, books...) but that's it in a nutshell. Thank you for letting me share my heart with you. It's what I'm all about and what I've been contemplating lately - truly being known.

Who knows the real you? Do you have anyone in your life that you can just be yourself with? A girlfriend you don't have to put the guard up for? A girlfriend who knows the good, the bad, and the ugly and STILL loves you? I hope so. There's nothing like a friend who lets you just be in their presence. Over my 45 years, I've been blessed with an abundance of just those kind of friends. Thank you Ashley, Lauri, Lara, Kate, Kerstin, Susan, Wynter, Julie, Michelle, and Alisha.

To be truly known takes courage. It takes commitment to the process. It takes stepping out into the unknown. I've been facilitating small groups for the last 20 years. I've learned a few things about becoming known. It's a miracle to behold - that moment in which it happens. That moment when the bonds begin to take hold. It always takes someone who decides that vulnerability is worth it and who is willing to take the first step and put themselves out there. It's a scary moment for the one who steps out and shares a piece of their soul. It's actually breath-taking (for those who have done it, you know I'm not being overdramatic when I say that). I've been the one to step out and trust. It's not easy but I can tell you it's oh-so-worth it! The rewards are worth that moment of limbo - that moment of "in between" - when you share that piece of your heart and you wait for it to be received. "Did I share too much? Can they handle that? Should I have kept that to myself? Will they think I'm crazy?" You know the drill. I wonder how that many thoughts can run through one's head in that in-between moment. It's mind boggling, really.

I'm here to tell you that vulnerability is worth it every time. Even when it's not received. Being vulnerable means you are open. You are willing. You are available to be known. Being known is what connects us to each other. As women, it's especially important for us to connect. It's a big part of what we were created for.

I encourage you. I challenge you to be known in the circles you travel. Allow yourself the room to be vulnerable. Share yourself with others. Of course, be safe with whom you choose to share. But by all means, please share! You are a treasure - a gift to be given.

Be known,
Cindy

The Power of Girlfriends

2011-03-08T14:26:00.000-08:00

I believe that we are all created treasures!
I believe that we all have something to give and something to receive.
I believe in growing.
I believe it’s okay to make mistakes.
I believe in the power of girlfriends.
I believe in making life matter!

Do you believe? Every time I have the opportunity to speak to communities of girlfriends, this is my message. These truths have been born out of my life experience. I hold them dear to my heart. They have become my calling.

What are the truths that you stand by? That you live out?

I believe as women, we are uniquely equipped to impart our wisdom and life experience onto the next generation of girlfriends. We talk, we process, we vent, we share life together. We are community. We are made for relationships ~ we love to connect. We make things happen. We thrive together!

One hundred years ago today...they believed in the power of girlfriends, too! In 1911, more than one million women and men attended International Women’s Day rallies campaigning for women's rights to work, vote, be trained, to hold public office and end discrimination. International Women’s Day is a global celebration of the economic, political, and social achievements of women past, present, and future. Today is the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day ~ oh happy day!

This calls for a celebration! Call up a girlfriend. Celebrate a recent accomplishment. Share a glass of wine or a latte! Relish in the power of girlfriends.
You might even discuss how you can invest in the future of a young girl.

Please watch these two videos below that leave an impact in the life of a girl!

Making life matter one girl at a time,
Cindy

P.S. Happy “Phat” Tuesday!

the naked grape experience

2011-03-01T12:16:00.000-08:00

The other day I was at the grocery store and I noticed this wine display. Imagine that?! You know that this girl loves pinot grigio but it wasn't the wine that actually caught my eye ((insert the surprised look on your face)). Plain and simple it was the Naked Grape.

"At The Naked Grape, we believe keeping it simple makes it great. We focus on what's important and strip away the rest. Start with the best grapes, don't over-think it, and let the bare essence of the fruit shine through." ~ The Naked Grape.

It was there in that moment that this contemplation was born. What if we were like The Naked Grape? No pretense. Out there for others to experience more fully. Naked (metaphorically speaking, please).

What if we were to keep it simple? Focus on what's important and strip away the rest. Start with the best (that's us, remember I believe that each and every one of us was created a treasure) and not over-think it. Let the bare essence of our self shine through.

What a difference that might make! I believe we would live closer to our truth. We would connect with others more freely. We could really be known on a deeper level. You know that freedom that washes over you when you are able to JUST BE yourself. Wouldn't it be grand if that was our norm? Our insecurities would no longer get the best of us. Our competitive natures could take a vacation. Our worry generators might actually go on the fritz. We could take off the masks that hide our true selves. We could just be. Wow - do you feel the freedom?

You ask where do we start? First of all, let me say that this "way of being in the world" is not something that will miraculously happen to us as the alarm goes off tomorrow morning. Our layers of "protection" were not built over night. Let's be frank, some of the walls we have in place were created to keep us emotionally safe. So, I trust you to know for yourself the pace at which you would like to set out on this journey of discovery.

I know some of you will be ready to dive into this exercise while others of you will need some time to work up to it. I do hope you will join us in our naked grape experience. I believe the rewards that await us are worth the trek. I've had a few "tastes" of living in splendidly safe vulnerability. It felt real. It felt good. I trust that our communities of girlfriends will benefit from the authenticity and openness that will come. I also know that it takes a few brave souls to invite this kind of "truly being known". Are you one of the brave?

I want us to become familiar with what's at our core. I want us to begin to live out of this space. What is your essence? I know ~ it's a flowery word ~ but let's just go with it for now.

Essence can be defined like this:

* the permanent as contrasted with the accidental element of being
* one that possesses or exhibits a quality in abundance as if in concentrated form
* the most significant element, quality, or aspect of a thing or person
* in or by its very nature : essentially, basically.

So, here begins our collective naked grape experience.

Let's get back to the basics. Who were we created to be in this world? What are the significant elements of our being? If we were to strip away all the layers of pretense, who would show up? I bet if you take some time to reflect on this ~ some words that describe your essence might bubble to the surface. I'm _________. I'm _________. I'm __________. You get to fill in the blanks. There are no wrong answers.

If you are having trouble getting to your essence, I want you to do this. Have a piece of paper and pencil ready. Then, I want you to call two or three trusted friends or family members (people that know the real you). I want you to ask them these two questions, "What shows up when I do? What qualities do I bring to a room?" If they ask you why, tell them that you are participating in the Less Drama Queen Naked Grape Experience. No, no, no ~ don't tell them that =) Tell them whatever makes the most sense to you. Remember to keep it simple. "What shows up when I do? What qualities do I bring to a room?" The words they share with you will probably give you a good sense of what your bare essence is.

Once, you have those five or six words that describe your essence, I want you to post them where you will see them as a reminder. If you'd like, write them on an index card and stick it in your wallet. If you dare, post them on your computer at work. I'm here to tell you that this is the easy part. Please don't shoot the messenger .

Now this is where it will take all the courage we can muster. Don't over-think it. Let us practice letting our bare essence shine through in our every day interactions. Let us be intentional in saying no to our insecurities. Let us turn off our worry generator. Let us invite our girlfriends to do the same. Begin where you feel safe. As we focus on what's important and let the "non-essential, not helpful, not necessary" be stripped away, I promise others will take notice. They will find it refreshing. They might even be willing to join us in our naked grape experience.

Instead of being passers-by, we will actually experience each other more fully. Yay for that.

Deep breaths!

Letting down the masks,
Cindy

beginner's luck ~ bah humbug!

2011-02-20T01:57:00.000-08:00

Instead of “Contemplations of a Less Drama Queen”, today’s musing should be titled “Confessions of a Less Drama Queen.”

I miss you all. I haven’t been writing as often as I like. I offer you this confession:

We all go through new seasons of life every so often. As you well know, I like growing but I’m here to tell you that becoming a beginner is not for the faint-hearted. It’s not easy being a beginner. It’s hard work. It takes courage and determination. It uses up gallons of energy. It can be downright scary ~ just ask any five year old learning to ride a bike once the training wheels have been pulled off.

At age 45, I’m a beginner again ~ beginning my nursing career. It’s way hard and there are moments when I’m thrown for a loop. It sneaks up on me and wham - I’m overwhelmed. I knew when I committed myself to nursing that I had taken on quite a challenge. It’s been more than I expected from day 1 of nursing school (I almost quit 3 weeks into my pre-requisites). Please don’t get me wrong ~ I know I made the right choice and I love it (I feel blessed beyond measure to have a job and working for Adventist Health) ~ but at this point in my career it’s an uphill climb (think Half Dome). Some days I think that the learning curve is way too steep but then I come around the bend and see the view - whoa am I blown away by it’s spectacular-ness. I take a deep breath in and continue the journey.

I’m not gonna lie - the last month at work has been hard for me. Yep, I even started out my work day a couple of weeks ago with a big ol’ cry (probably hormone-induced but tearfully warranted all the same.) I can cry with the best of them. I think I’m okay with tears in the work place (life happens) but when I met with my life coach the other day, I decided I needed some coaching in regards to why my tears keep welling up. Long story short...Conclusion = I’m a beginner and being a beginner is hard (no one wants to fail), especially for those of us who haven’t been a beginner in a really long time.

I know from previous experience that whenever you start a new job, “spent” is the word that comes to mind on the commute home. I believe it’s because your brain is creating new neural pathways and the system is being taxed in new ways. It is almost like your brain hurts. Learning uses lots of brain power regardless of what the new thing is. I know I’m not alone in this. I’ve talked to a number of you lately and a lot of us are in a season of change or newness. So, I thought I would use this “confession” to share some of the insights I’ve had as I contemplate new beginnings:

Get lots of sleep. You’ll need it. Last Friday afternoon I laid down for a short nap and much to my surprise I woke up 3 hours later. Give yourself heaps of grace. Stick to the basics (do only what’s necessary). Make room for moments of sunshine. Take lots of deep breaths. Drink ice cold water every chance you get (think refreshing waterfalls flowing over you). Be patient with yourself and others. Fresh flowers bring smiles to your face. Sign the permission slip to let some things go. Remember that one day soon things will be back “to the regularly scheduled programming” but for now take some needed breaks from your rigorous go-go-go lifestyle. Call a friend ~ it is one of your life lines. Sit quietly at least once a day. Don’t forget that new beginnings bring new possibilities.

So, there you have it. I’m hoping to get back to my regularly scheduled programs soon and be contemplating more often.

Pouring out heaps of grace,
Cindy

can ashley come out and play?

2011-01-23T13:36:00.000-08:00

As I sit here and write I’m thinking, “I can’t wait to play.” Brad and I have a play date planned as soon as this contemplation is written. When was the last time you went out to play? I’m talking seriously played. It’s my intention today to challenge us. I think as women in this 21st century we are all too often, a lot like Jack. Would you agree with me? All work and no play makes Jane a dull girl.

If you know me - you know that I LOVE to play. Call me a bit crazy but I believe it’s one of my callings in life. It’s my civic duty to help us play. I just sat through 40 hours of training this week (oh my!). Hence, the reason why I can’t wait to get out and play today ~ lol. In the training, one of the seasoned nurses said this, “If you work hard, you must play hard.” You can be rest assured that I took this simple piece of advice to heart and will try my best to fulfill it as I set out on this new endeavor. Do you hear your new challenge ladies? I know that each and every one of you work hard...so guess what that means? You're brilliant, you guessed it - PLAY HARD!

The subject of play - pure unadulterated play or the lack there of in the lives of our kids today has been a hot topic in the news lately. Who hasn’t heard of the tiger momma? As we contemplate, I’ll try really hard not to mount up on my soap box. I read an article recently in the New York Times (The Mess of Child's Play) that said exactly what I’ve been saying for the last 15 years professionally. Our kids aren’t getting enough playtime. They must play. Our kids must imagine. It’s essential to their health and growth. I believe that adults are no different and we have set a bad example. It’s not only our kids that must play - WE MUST PLAY. We must imagine. It really is essential to our health and our growth.

There you have it. I dare you to get out and play. I dare you to make a list of the things you like to play at. I challenge you to up your play time in 2011. Will you go out and play once a day, once a week, or once a month? All I’m asking is that you simply increase your play time. I know you’ll thank me. I’m here to tell you that giving your mind, body and soul some play time will actually increase your productivity at work.

Must play,
Cindy

she kept all these things and pondered them in her heart...

2010-11-23T10:46:00.001-08:00

“Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.” So says Oscar Wilde.

My hope for us this holiday season is this: That we embrace the precious things that cannot be stolen from us. That we set our compass towards the “real riches” of the season and when we find these moments ~ let us relish in them.

I know that we all have our lists of things that must get done: “buy the turkey, bake the pies, clean the house, put up the lights, bring hostess gifts to a plethora of holiday soirees, trim the tree, clean the house again, buy presents, wrap presents, clean the house yet again, pick up grandma from the airport, get teacher gifts, write holiday cards ~ and the list goes on.” I want to challenge us to put together a different kind of “must get done” list this season.

It might look like this: “Give thanks for my family as we eat a yummy leftover turkey sandwich, share a fun little secret with a dear girlfriend over some hot chocolate, belt out Jingle Bells with our nieces and nephews as we drive down the interstate, stop for a moment in the hustle and bustle of shopping and watch the kids climb up on Santa’s lap, celebrate new beginnings with a glass of champagne on a midnight clear, sit down to a toasty fire and contemplate all that warms my heart...”. You get the idea. I dare us to be intentional this season and as we sit down to make our “keep us sane” to-do list, we would make the equally important (if not more important) list of “real riches” we want to partake in this season.

As you create your “real riches” list allow your senses to come alive. Remember to drink in the sights, sounds, and aromas of the season. Relish in simple family traditions. Embrace this season with the expectancy of a six year old. Let go of the need to have everything “just right”. Sit with what is really important to you. I’m guessing once we take a moment to still our minds - out of our heart the “real riches” list will flow.

Here’s some ideas from Less Drama’s magic moments holiday tips list:

Be intentional about the events you say “Yes” to this season.
Perform a random act of kindness each day this season.
Make a play-list of your favorite holiday tunes for your daily commute.
Have a “Christmas Card Writing” party with your girlfriends complete with festive holiday music and festive beverages.
Commit to staying home one night a week and be intentional about savoring the season.
Organize a spontaneous evening of car caroling with your girlfriends or family ~ if you dare, roll down the windows and share your joy with the city.
Keep a 5 minute-a-day Advent journal.
Craft your own Advent calendar complete with reminders of “real riches.”
Hang white lights around your flat or apartment.
Invite some friends over to watch Elf or The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.
Bake a plate of cookies for your neighbors or apartment building.
Go to bed 15 minutes earlier each weekday night (research says it makes a difference).
Write your “Real Riches” list on a index card and carry it with you as a reminder of all that can’t be stolen from you this holiday season.

I give thanks for you. I give thanks that these contemplations flow from my heart to yours. I look forward to sitting down and creating my own “real riches” list for the season ~ who knows it might become a yearly tradition.

Feeling extremely grateful,
Cindy

sing out loud!

2010-11-04T18:43:00.000-07:00

I spend three hours driving most days ~ I know crazy, huh? That's what happens when you become a married country girl who decides to go to nursing school. Don't think I don't remember my days on the 38 Muni in San Francisco as a single, city girl with fondness because I do. A couple of weeks ago when I was searching for some more "breathing room" in my days, I decided (with the encouragement of my Visalia Less Drama Queens) to stop multi-tasking when I drive and spend the time listening to music, driving in silence and/or reflecting on my day. I must admit I haven't been totally successful with my new resolution but when I do it ~ it's bliss.

So, yesterday I'm driving down the road listening to the 70's station on Sirius and "Sing!" by Karen Carpenter came on the radio. It brought me back to circa 1973 ~ I was swinging and singing at the top of my lungs out in our backyard with the audience of me, myself and I. I was full of life and I was content. After all, I was singing out loud and at the ripe ol' age of 7, I knew it was my favorite song. I'm here to tell you I don't have the voice of angels - but I do love belting them out with the likes of Celine.

Of course, I know the words by heart but yesterday these words really hit home and I thought each and every one of us needs our own song to SING:

Sing, sing a song,
sing out loud, sing out strong.
Sing of good things not bad,
sing of happy not sad.
Sing, sing a song.

Make it simple to last your whole life long,
Don't' worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear.
Just sing, sing a song,
Just sing, sing a song,
Just sing, sing a song.

Sing, sing a song,
let the world sing along.
Sing of love there could be.
Sing for you and for me,
sing of the best there could be.
Sing, sing a song.

Make it simple to last your whole life long,
Don't' worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear.
Just sing, sing a song,
Just sing, sing a song,
Just sing, sing a song.

Just a little side note ~ "Sing" was written by Joe Raposo, a staff songwriter for Sesame Street. No wonder it was my favorite at age 7.

So, here's what I'm thinking. It's time you and I became lyricists and wrote our own theme song. Are you willing to take a time out this week? Take the time to reflect on the stuff of life that energizes you, that pumps you up, that inspires you. I dare you to write your own song. Make sure to add the good things...the happy...the stuff that your dreams are made of. Remember as you sit down to compose ~ that Joe says to make it simple to last your whole life long.

Once it's written, I want us to sing it like nobody's listening. I want us to sing of the best. I want us to sing for you and for me and don't forget to sing of the love there could be...Just sing, sing a song! It might sound a bit corny but I'm knowing there's gonna be power in it.

Are you with me on this? Are you willing to let your creative juices flow? If you're in one of my Less Drama Queen groups ~ Guess what? You will get the opportunity live and in person to write your song. I'm gonna use my drive time this week to reflect on this. You can bet my song will include some of these good things:

be real. be true. take time to breathe. love on brad. be still sometimes. the ocean waves are salve to my soul. don't rush. always give thanks for my girlfriends. don't forget that God gives abundantly. create. wait with an expectant heart. share with others. be generous. play hard. laugh lots. live well. thrive.

I can feel my song welling up in my heart as I write. If you're daring, please share your song with us via email or facebook. If you're really daring ~ invite your gal pals over for a song writing party over a glass of wine...how fun would that be?

My heart sings,
Cindy

we all do it! why?

2010-10-21T16:34:00.000-07:00

Repeat after me ~ worry changes nothing. Let’s say it again ~ worry changes nothing. That’s right. I’ve known this principle for what seems like forever and yet I still find myself worrying. What’s up with that? I’m not even a worrier by nature. I once signed up for a worry retreat and my roommate knowing that I wasn’t a worrier questioned why? I said, “Well, I went on the anger retreat (which was the precursor to the worry retreat) not thinking I was angry. Let me tell you it was one of the most transforming experiences of my life (You should ask me about it some time). Needless to say I went on the worry retreat. That was at least 7 years ago - why am I still worrying???

Last week, I had something small (in the full scope of life) to worry my pretty little head about. The time I spent fretting wasted too many minutes of my life - maybe, perhaps a few hours in total. I needed to get my leadership rotation shifts scheduled for school and it was all dependent upon my nurse mentor and her schedule. I kept worrying because if I didn’t get them scheduled I could potentially not graduate in December. I knew they would get scheduled, yet in the mean time, I worried. I knew in my head that most things turn out okay in the long run, but as time ticked on and the shifts weren’t scheduled yet, I worked myself into a tizzy. It weighed on me. One night while I was taking a shower which should always be the one place where I have some breathing room and relaxation - it became a full blown frenzy. I kept telling myself - worry changes nothing. It didn’t seem to help. I kept pondering yet again (another word for worry in this particular case) how I might get those shifts scheduled. It was in that moment that I figured out why I worry ~ drum roll, please. I figured out that I some how THINK that if I ponder something LONG enough and hard enough - going through ALL the possible scenarios in my head ~ twisting and turning over EVERY possible combination I will stumble upon the solution. The problem was that the solution did not rest with me. I needed to let it go. For me, the solution came in releasing it to God ~ knowing I hadn’t come this far in nursing school and done so well to have someone else’s schedule hold me back. Guess what? I have my leadership rotation shifts scheduled. Surprise - Surprise. It all came together a couple of days later no thanks to my worrying. I have better things to do with my precious, limited time these days than to wile it away with worry over the small stuff.

I talk with girlfriends every day. Some one of us is always worrying about something. Worry often comes up in our Less Drama Queen coaching groups. I think it’s somehow built into our X-chromosome. I’ve been contemplating this thing called worry for a couple of weeks now. Of course, it’s not the first time I’ve pondered the topic.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking:

It’s what we do. We all worry. Some of us are more prone to it. Some of us only do it occasionally. Some of us thrive on it. It devours others of us. Some of us have done it for so long, we don’t even know when we are doing it again. We worry about small, inconsequential things and then we worry about important things and loved ones.

The next time we find ourselves worrying ~ I want us to stop and ask ourselves these questions:

What will worrying about this gain me?
Will my worrying change anything about this situation?
How much time am I willing to devote to worrying about this?
Is this worth my worrying?
Is this something important to worry about or something small and inconsequential?

Would you be willing to commit with me to let go of fretting over the inconsequential, small stuff of life? I’m thinking this might actually decrease a lot of our time spent worrying.

For the bigger stuff we worry about, I’m wondering if there isn’t a way to turn our worrying into a gift of love/care? I asked this question the other day. One of my Less Drama gals shared this insight she had learned long ago about grief, “When you are in the presence of tremendous grief, remember that you are also in the presence of powerful love.” Things that make you go hmm.

When we are worrying about our loved ones or something we care deeply about - couldn’t we say the same is true about our worry? We, too, are worrying because we love so much - we care so much. We, too, are in the presence of love. If you are like me the act of worrying drains energy. How would it change our perception of “worry” if we thought of it as a gift of love/care instead of a burden? Would it change how much it weighs upon us? Would we treat it differently? Would it have a different impact on our hearts and souls? Would it change what we did with those thoughts/concerns? I’m not sure on this one ~ I’m just putting it out there to see what you think about it? I’d love some dialogue.

So what will we do with our worry? Will we let it go? What’s our relationship with worry? Would we like to change how it effects us? What will we do with her? Will we send her packing when she gets us in a tizzy over the small stuff? Will we embrace her as a gift of love when it comes to the big stuff? Let me know your thoughts now that you have mine.

Finding rest today,
Cindy

P.S. A wise man once said, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for today has enough worries of its own.”

Save the Ta-tas!

2010-10-07T13:18:00.000-07:00

Just to warn you I'm blogging about mistakes again. Yesterday my sister made a doozie. A mistake with seemingly little consequence but one that I'm sure would mortify each and every one of us. It was a simple and honest mistake that instantly catapulted her to new heights on the most embarrassing moments scale. Let me assure you that she has given me permission to share this story with you.

My sister, Denise, lives on Ft. Hood Army base in Texas. She recently set up a facebook page for Ft. Hood Wives to post local events. It's been a real gift in so many ways for her while her husband is deployed in Iraq. Every day she goes "out" on the internet in search of fun things for families and wives to do in their area. It has been well-received and gets lots of traffic. She already has 200+ fans in less than 3 weeks. She absolutely loves it, she's made some new friends, helped build community and it gives her something to do with her time.

Of course, she misses her husband dearly. She is very creative and is always finding fun ways to let Lee know how much he is loved while he is deployed. Yesterday, she threw caution to the wind and decided to email her man a topless picture of herself. Let me just say that my sissy is as modest as they come. She doesn't even let her big sister see her ta-tas. Do you see where this is headed?

With technology being just a touch pad away on our cellular devices and Lee's email address and Ft. Hood Wives being in succession of each other on her phone ~ GASP with another long pause thrown in for effect ~ Yep, that's right - she "discreetly" posted a topless photo of herself onto the Ft. Hood Wives with Events page on facebook. When she told me about this "little" incident, I encouraged her with these words, "Way to promote breast cancer awareness month." Hehehe. You gotta love big sisters.

Something clicked in her brain right after she sent it. You know that oh-no moment. She went to her facebook page with 200+ fans and sure enough there were her ta-tas staring her in the face. Oh my! (I'm chuckling as I write this but then again it didn't happen to me on my Less Drama Queens fan page.) Can you say horrified? Can you say sheer panic? Of course, she immediately deleted the photo. It was up for all of forty-five seconds. In this faster than a New York Minute tech world we live in - that was long enough to spur on a three hour sparring match on her facebook page. She had made a mistake and she needed a moment to figure out what the best way to handle her "oops" moment. She sat quietly as the firestorm began started by two ladies who were relentless about her indiscretion. They were downright mean and nasty. I could not believe it. She had made an honest (if not horrifying) mistake. She immediately took care of the problem. Within the hour, she had publicly confessed and humbly apologized. She deleted the nasty, off-color comments. The harassment continued ~ I dare say even to this morning. I'm grateful for all the girlfriends who came to my sister's rescue. The majority of the ladies on the site supported her through the barrage of the few and treated it in a light hearted manner. A number of the "wives" reminded everyone there, "We all make mistakes and Hello, our husbands are deployed, who hasn't sent them a picture like this?"

As my sister shared this story with me, I was struck by the power we hold in regards to our girlfriends. We all make mistakes. We all have the power to build up or tear down. We can choose to forgive or not. We can choose to extend grace or not. It saddens me that the "mean, nasty" voices of a few speak louder to our souls than that of the steady, grace-extending majority. I encourage all of us (myself included) to remember this silly little tale when our girlfriends make mistakes. Will we be found on the side of the grace-givers or will we be the ones throwing the stones?

On a side note, it is breast cancer awareness month. Help spread the word. I thank God that my mom is a breast cancer survivor. I thank God for my dear friend and mentor, Vickie, who taught me it was okay to make mistakes. She was a breast cancer survivor for five plus years before it stole her away from us. Take care of your ta-tas and if you ever choose to send someone a picture of them ~ please be sure to verify the address before you hit send.

Laughter is good for the soul,
Cindy

abc. it's as easy as 123.

2010-09-28T15:35:00.001-07:00

Well, maybe it’s not as easy as 123. One of my dearest mentors (a queen mama) in life, Vickie Bare, taught me the importance of having a teachable spirit. She constantly challenged my growing edge. She loved me despite the mistakes I made. Her encouragement went like this, “That’s okay, you’re learning.”

I love learning and growing (been doing it now for 44+ years - yikes). I’ve learned that you can’t have growth without making some mistakes along the way. Bummer, I know. Some of us cringe at the idea of making a mistake. Sometimes that fear keeps us from trying new experiences. Here’s a gentle reminder for us:

If we are making mistakes, it means we are moving forward.
If we are making mistakes, it means we are taking risks.
If we are making mistakes, it means we are on the right track (as long as we are learning from our mistakes.)
If we are making mistakes, we are human.

A girlfriend told me yesterday that Bill Gates won’t hire you unless you have a proven track record of making mistakes. Who knows if that’s true? I did find this quote, “There were a lot of missteps in the early days, but because we got in early we got to make more mistakes than other people,” says Gates. Since Bill Gates is a pretty smart cookie - he knows the wisdom that comes from learning from your mistakes. I’m guessing he banks on it. Banks being the operative word.

I just started my leadership rotation for nursing clinicals this week. I’m hoping I won’t make too many mistakes this rotation but if I do, I’ll learn from them. Our wise instructor (who will remain nameless until I get her permission to share it), has been a nurse for 30+ years and has graduated over 2000+ nurses encouraged us with this thought yesterday:

“If I had a dollar for every mistake I’ve made in my life, I would not be here with you today. I would be on my own private, secluded island somewhere in the tropics with George Clooney, Antonio Banderas, and Benicio Del Toro serving me little umbrella cocktails.”

I dare you to learn something new. Step out and let’s remember that the next time we make a mistake, we are in good company.

I love learning,
Cindy

¡Adios Senorita Inseguridad!

2010-09-28T15:30:00.000-07:00

I've been writing about our so out-dated, way-behind-the-times, no-good-for-us friend, Ms. Insecurity, for over a year now. In April, I heard Beth Moore speak to 300,000 ladies on this topic (So Long Insecurity) and I felt called to action.

Needless to say, I've been doing my fair share of contemplating the subject of Ms. Insecurity. During this time, I've also been battling against her wiles and I'd love to share with you some of the insights I've "stumbled" upon:

· Ms. Insecurity is not our friend. She is our enemy.
· She is not looking out for our best interest ~ she relishes in reminding us of our inadequacies, mistakes and our oversights. She wants to hold us back.
· She is a liar. Any thread of truth she whispers has been twisted and tangled up into something ugly and SO NOT the truth.
· She is the president of the "world revolves around me" club. She is continually recruiting members. I'm serious. She is persistent. I keep telling myself that the world doesn't revolve around me and that others don't have time to clutter their pretty, little heads with my state of being or my comings and goings. BUT she keeps on ~ trying to convince me that everyone spends all their waking moments pondering my situation, my perspective, my inadequacies, and my mess-ups. Can you believe her audacity?
· She wants to be our life long friend. We met her when we were young cape wearing, tiara-toting, wand-carrying princesses who believed we could save the world. She came on the scene and dashed our hopes. She's still dashing hopes of making life matter and taking steps towards positive change for the good. She loves pulling the loyalty card, too ~ one of her favorite statements is "Who can you really trust to tell you the truth?"
· She's "friends" with everyone. She is not discriminating. Her "friendship" knows no bounds. She hangs out with the smartest and the not-so smart, the beautiful and the not-so-beautiful, the talented and the not-so, the hopeful and not-so, the boldest and the most fearful, the most successful and the failure, the extrovert and the introvert, the wealthiest and the poorest, the seemingly most confident and the most insecure (and all of us in between those descriptions). She befriends us all at some point along the journey.
· She's over the top BOLD. She shows up all the time unannounced and uninvited. Once we are onto her ways and have told her that she is no longer welcome - she shows up anyway and her words are unrelenting and even more vehement.
· She makes mountains out of molehills. She takes a tiny little thread of truth and turns it into a three-eyed, six-headed, fire breathing monster. You might have made a tiny mistake and then Ms. Insecurity gets a hold of it and whispers not-so-sweet little nothings into your ear until you can't take it anymore and then before you know it - in your mind it's become this hugemongous (that is a word - I don't care what my spel chek says) incident that you are quite embarrassed of and so you avoid the scene of the "crime" (remember it was a tiny little mistake) or the people that witnessed the "crime" for days, weeks, or maybe even a lifetime. Has she ever taken one of your molehills and turned it into Mt. Everest? She's had that effect on me before.
· She doesn't like hearing NO. I've started saying no to her wiles, her whispers and her ways. She doesn't like it. She talks louder. She gets me to listen to her when I'm tired or over-stressed. Yesterday, I was really tired and I swear she tried to take over my brainwaves. I kept saying, "nananana ~ I'm not listening to you." (Actually, I was too tired to be that sassy to her.) That would silence her for a moment. When she kept on (as she does) I enlisted the help of a trusted friend - who set me straight and reminded me of the treasure I am and how silly Ms. Insecurity's lies really are.
· She hates our success! You should hear her rants when you've succeeded. Like I said, she's persistent and doesn't like defeat. Our success proves her wrong every time. It rattles her cages and she comes back even fiercer. This is the greatest insight I've learned over the last year in my study of her behavior. If we can be vigilant and valiant in our attempts to mute her out - she does eventually get the message and moves on - leaving us to celebrate our successes ~ the small and the great ones. One day we will conquer her together!

With all this insight - I'm thinking it's time we said Bye Bye to Ms. Insecurity for good. The truth is that it doesn't happen over night ~ darn it. It's a journey. It's a choice. It takes concerted effort. We have to be committed to it. We need help ~ we can't do it alone.

Are you ready to say Bye Bye? Let's say hello freedom, confidence, joy, true friendship, success, radiance, brilliance, and hope ~ whatever it is that our insecurity holds us back from.

Will you step up your game and say "I'm not listening" to Ms. Insecurity's lies? Will you be more aware when she shows up and ask to her to leave (politely, of course)? Will you ask a trusted friend to join you in saying bye bye? What step will you take today?

Contemplating Freedom,

Cindy

trust yourself

2010-09-17T14:46:00.000-07:00

I had my p’s all in a row. The content for the evening had gone through the process ~ I had percolated. I had planned. I had prepared. I was ready.

As Less Drama Queens of Bakersfield began Wednesday night, I sensed that the agenda for the night needed to shift. I went with my gut and let go of the plan. In my little bag o’ tricks, I pulled out some postcards that had a quote printed on them. I asked each of the participants to take turns reading the quote aloud, “Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”

They looked at me, “You want us to each read the same quote out loud one after another??” Yes, please! They did as they were asked. As each of them read it with heart, it began to sink into our souls. Trust yourself. Trust yourself. Trust yourself.

The evening was one of the most powerful coaching sessions I have ever been honored to facilitate. My take-away for the evening was this: When I trust myself, good things come to fruition and my confidence is given a boost.

I’m believing that the same is true for each and every one of us. We’ve got reason to trust ourselves. What are your reasons?

You really didn’t think I would let you get off the hook easily, did you? If you are due for a confidence boost, please take out a sheet of paper.

Step 1: Write this quote at the top of the paper, “Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”

Step 2: Read it out loud (at least 3 times). Yes, I really want you to read it out loud.

Step 3: Write down at least five reasons you can trust yourself. If you have trouble coming up with this list, think about why others might trust you.

Step 4: Call a trusted girlfriend. Tell her about this blog post. Ask her if she would be willing to share in this confidence booster with you. Email her the quote.

Step 5: Read the quote out loud at least once (one after the other).

Step 6: Ask her to share with you at least one reason she trusts you. Write down the reason/s she trusts you in another column on the page. Then be sure to tell her why you trust her.

Step 7: Discuss together, “How does one create the kind of self that you would be happy to live with all your life?” Remember there is no right formula.

Step 8: Ponder the inner sparks of possibility within yourself. What are those sparks that could turn into flames of achievement? This might be a bit difficult for some of you. Really think about those little sparks that have lived dormant within you. If you’re still stumped, ask your girlfriend for help with this question. Write down your tiny, inner sparks on the piece of paper.

Step 9: Think about which spark you would like to begin to fan in the next couple of weeks - so that it might turn into a flame of achievement. Make a commitment to take an action step toward fanning the spark. It can be a small step. Just commit to do it. Share this with your girlfriend. Ask her to please hold you accountable.

Step 10: Go back to your list of the reasons why you can trust yourself. Take one of those reasons and “marry” it to the inner spark that you plan to fan into a flame. Share this with your girlfriend. Post it on an index card and place it on your dashboard, nightstand or bathroom mirror. Finish this exercise by reading the quote once again. “Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”

If you’re pressed for time, at least take a moment to ponder why you can trust yourself. Make sure to post the list. My hope for each of us is to be reminded that we indeed have reason to trust ourselves. Trust yourself!

If you dare, I’d love to hear your reasons why you can trust yourself. Please email me at cindy@lessdrama.com. Here’s five reasons why I can trust myself: My friends and family love me dearly; God is with me; I’m resilient; When I make mistakes, I’m willing to learn from them; and I know myself well.

Trusting,
Cindy

What did you learn this summer?

2010-09-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again. Labor Day is almost here and it's time to contemplate what I learned this summer. I believe there's power in taking time for reflection.

Summer School Lessons by Cindy Steele:

It is truly amazing to be at the right place at the right time and know it. Mowing the lawn can be redemptive - it gives you the time and space to work things out in your mind, body and soul. I sometimes feel like my life is a trapeze act that requires great faith. Teachers have to learn first. I like "R" words better than "D" words. Six-year-olds live life with all of their being. They are still true to themselves. Celebration is important and I've got a lot to celebrate! No matter how old you are, skipping with girlfriends is fun. A long lazy picnic + best friends + sunny day at Chrissy field in San Francisco = a great recipe for a warm heart.
Following self-imposed rules for life are oh-so-good for my over all well-being, especially when I have heaps on my plate. Cindy's simple rules to live by are this: 1) no rushing allowed 2) give myself ample morning time alone if I have been out late the night before 3) always make time for down time 4) create some home time if I've been on the go-go-go. Roller skating takes you back to a simpler place and time. Sonic happy hour iced teas are my new favorite treat. Siblings will always bicker on long car rides - no matter what their age. I love that family sticks together always! I've loved my sissy bum for 40+ years - oh my! Freedom and truth resonate with everyone. I'm a big fan of deep breaths. Happy dances are fun for all.

Thank you again, Allyson, for inspiring this practice in me. You are inspiration!

Contemplating Big Things on My Horizon,
Cindy

hello confidence

2010-08-26T12:23:00.000-07:00

She’s six years old and she’s got game. I’m watching with bated breath from across the pool. She’s climbing higher and higher - up she goes calculating each foot placement as if she’s rock climbing Mt. Rainier. The lifeguard watches in amazement - she’s a tiny little thing - weighing all of 42 pounds soaking wet. He asks with a bit of trepidation, “Is she afraid of anything?” I’m shaking my head, “I don’t think so.” She reaches the top, smiles a proud smile and whoosh she lands in the pool. She’s out of the pool lickety split and back in line. She’s doing a happy dance with an invisible hula hoop and singing “Aunt Cindy, did you see me? I did it. I did it! Look at me - I climbed to the top. Woohoo. I’m so great. I did it!”

My heart sang for my niece, Cady. I was all smiles. I thought, “Wow! Now that is confidence in it’s purest form.” How could I capture that confidence? There must be a way to protect that in her. Cady’s happy dance was an inspiration. She’s full of life. She knows what she wants and goes forth it undaunted. She’s not afraid of looking silly or patting herself on the back in public. She did a good job and she was happy about it. She didn’t wait around to see what the rest of her world thought about her accomplishment. She just celebrated out in the open for all to see. How beautiful is that?

I think we all know when we’ve done a great job. I’d be willing to guess we all know the happy dance...unfortunately somewhere along the road we learned we shouldn’t celebrate out loud in front of everyone. What will people think? We might look conceited or full of our selves. Someone might not agree a celebration is in order. I’m guessing the happy dance we do is not on the dance floor of life - it’s done in the privacy of our heart or within the confines of our walk-in closet...or just maybe we misplaced our confidence or worse yet had it stolen through life experiences and the happy dance is no longer in our repertoire. This saddens me - all “grown up” and afraid to do the happy dance.

I dare us to be six again. Wouldn’t it be fabulous to see our “fellow” girlfriends celebrating life and accomplishments out loud with a happy dance for all the world to see? I can envision it. The happy dance becoming happenstance in the market, at the gym, and down the hallway at work. The next time we have an accomplishment, big or small, I dare us to change our “grown up” perspective and have the freedom and the confidence of a six year old to exuberantly do the happy dance and sing out loud, “Did you see me? I did it. I did it! Look at me - I climbed to the top. Woohoo. I’m so great. I did it!” Let’s get the word out - if Cady can do it unabashedly, why can’t we?

I hope you dance,
Cindy

P.S. I missed you all! It was good to be with family and make some fun memories - like the one I just shared. I’m now in the throes of the last semester of my RN program, trying real hard to keep Cady’s perspective.

 

let's have some fun...

2010-07-28T13:37:00.001-07:00

Since we've discussed some weighty topics lately, I thought it was time for some fun. I'm off to visit with family for the next 3 weeks. I'm so excited to have some play time with my nieces and nephews. Woohoo!

When was the last time you went skipping with your girlfriends? It might be a bit silly but I'd be willing to bet it will get your endorphins doing backflips. Have you ever taken the time to turn "work" into fun? Please take a moment and watch the video below. It's a simple concept called the fun theory. The video highlights an elaborate project but I believe the idea is something simple we could use in our daily lives. I'm guessing the next time I have a difficult task to accomplish, I could use the fun theory. Would you be willing to sprinkle your daily tasks with some fun? If you need some help with ideas of the "how-to" of making work fun, just ask a 7-year old how they would do it. I know from my vast experience working with children and youth - they are experts on making "work" fun.

Here's some questions for you to contemplate:
Is fun a priority in your life?
How much fun have you had in the last week?
Are you due for some fun?
How can you incorporate some fun into your work day?

I'm off to have some fun ~
See you in a couple of weeks. =)
Cindy

d words vs. r words

2010-07-22T09:32:00.000-07:00

So, I’ll try and make this brief since the last couple of contemplations have been quite wordy. GOL (giggle out loud).

This summer there’s been a “war” raging within my mind and soul. It’s taken up quite a bit of space on my mental hard drive. I don’t have the time right now to share all of the details (remember brevity is the goal today) but I will in due time.
I won some significant battles in this war last week.

I want to tell you about the battle of the “D” words vs. the “R” words. At the beginning of last week, the “D” words had taken up camp within my soul. It started with doubt, then found its way to disappointment which led to discouragement, and finally capped itself off with defeat and despair late Monday night. Luckily, the mind trip stopped before destruction came. What led me down those D roads was the noise and clamor of the “enemy” (see footnote) ~ shouting lies at every bump in the road. The clamor was ear-piercing and overpowering. Even though I’ve gotten pretty skilled at recognizing the lies and denouncing them during this battle the lies raged on. With each twist and turn in this maze of D words, the tears welled up. I went to sleep with a heavy heart and a little bit mad at myself for not being able to rise above those silly little lies. I’m here to tell you those silly little lies seemed like huge, scary monsters that wanted to devour all that I had to give. Oh the power of those D words - give them an inch and they take a mile.

Well, here’s where the battle was won. Early Tuesday morning, I intentionally sat down and invited stillness. I retreated to my safe place where truth abides. I got cozy and stayed a while. I let the truth sink into my being...and guess what sprang up? A wellspring of refreshing water that poured over me reviving me and bringing rejuvenation. The cool waters are still flowing a week later - ahhh, the revitalization.

What I learned from this battle:

D words are real and they do have power.
D words will take up residence if I let them.
I don’t like D words ~ doubt, discouragement, destruction, devour, defeat, disappointment, destroy, and despair.
If I don’t fight back, D words will threaten to take control.
Girlfriends can help dethrone D words.
Being still in your safe place can bring the battle with the D words to an end.
Real truth denounces the D words.

R words are good for the soul.
I love R words ~ retreat, refresh, rejuvenate, revive, refuel, and revitalize.
I want R words to reside within me.
R words don’t come easily but when we intentionally allow truth to reside within the confines of our mind, body and soul ~ R words will move in, too.
R words are worth fighting for.

Today’s contemplation is a bit lofty and metaphorical but I hope it resonates. I’ve got some questions for you:

Where do you find your truth?
Where is your safe place?
Do you take to be still?

R words Rule,
Cindy

Footnote = The “enemy” within this context is any thought that is against us and the good we are moving towards.

are you out of practice?

2010-07-20T12:15:00.000-07:00

Do you even know how? It's a tiny two-letter word. When was the last time you said no and meant it? It was probably the first word you used - and used often - after you learned ma-ma and da-da. Do you know any two-year-olds? Having observed many, I have no doubt that "NO" is their favorite word. Why do some of us have such a hard time saying it now? Two-year-olds make it clear as day what they want and what they don't want by using their new found word, "NO". I'm thinking it's because they haven't been introduced to the word "SHOULD" yet - a word that gets some of us in trouble, hmm?

I had my first cognizant lesson with the word "No" when I was in college. I won't go into details to protect the "innocent" but someone I loved said, "No" to a simple request I had made of them. A huge fight ensued (in retrospect the biggest spectacle, I mean fight of my life, and yet it was over something seemingly ridiculously simple). Let's just say I was not at my "prettiest" that evening. Oh my! It ended up being a pivotal moment in my life's learning because the next day I visited our women's counseling center on campus and spoke with one of my mentors. I recounted the tale of the previous night's events. She asked me this question, "What did that NO say to you?" My answer was a bit slow in coming but very profound, "It meant he didn't love me." She put it in crystal clear perspective for me. The simple no to my simple request = I was not loved. Wow. That was so NOT true but that's what I had internalized somewhere along the way (I know where). When someone said NO to me, it meant that they didn't love me. If you ask me today, that's a bit messed up.

Yes and No help us set our boundaries. They help define what is and what is not me. Yes and No help us let others know what we want and need. They have the power to protect us. They aid us in keeping the good in and the bad out. That is if we know how to use them and we are not in the presence of boundary violators. (I will address boundary violators at a later date).

Some of us were gifted with parents and teachers along the way that set and modeled healthy boundaries for us. Some of us weren't so lucky. Some of us learned well, others didn't - due to our unique environments and circumstances. I'm writing today - not to pass out judgment or to say I've become the expert - I am not. I'm on my life-long journey of learning the power of personal boundaries. What I have learned is that boundaries are so important that I wish each of us were required to take a course on healthy boundaries in high school. Boundaries, healthy or not, really are a part of the fabric of our society. I believe strongly that emotions and boundaries are gifts given to us by our Creator to help us navigate life, an internal radar system of sorts. I whole-heartedly have a passion to help women, who want and need the help, learn to say NO to the unwanted and the unneeded in their lives (the not so best stuff) and say YES to the best (what is vitally important to our values, desires and needs).

Before diving any further into the content of this contemplation, I must write this disclaimer first. I've done some research, personally learned the hard way, and presented a number of workshops on the subject of healthy boundaries. I wanted to read through my files first, but decided it was best to write from the heart today. Emotional boundaries deal with stuff that is unseen. It's not easy to write about healthy boundaries without wanting to write another hundred different caveats to each interaction. Please be patient with the process of reading this. Please be wise. Boundaries are not black and white. Healthy boundaries look different for each and every one of us and we have different healthy boundaries for each person we know. Suffice it to say, it's a "sticky" subject. It's a subject that goes to the depths of our core and, for a few of us reading this, it might bring up some uncomfortable (if not unsafe) places within us. If this is the case for you, please call or email me and I will confidentially help you find the resources and referrals you need. My hope today is to touch the surface and provide some clarity to the question of Yes and No.

I'm going to say something really important right now. It's the gem within this contemplation. Please pay attention. "Yes and No are neither 'good or bad' words." Did you take that in? Sit with that. Take time to ponder it. They are definitive words. They are oh so helpful in letting us communicate with others what are real needs and wants are. If we misuse these words, we send out mixed messages.

Have you ever said yes to something you really didn't want to do or didn't have the energy to do? The message you sent was "I'd love to do that for you. I'm ready to do that. I have the time, resources, and energy to do that." Yet, when we say yes to something we have no real business saying yes to - I'm guessing we don't show up with our yes face on (unless we've become skilled at hiding our true feelings). We show up with our NO posture or persona and make others feel a bit confused. It's not really fair, is it? I bet you've been on the receiving side of a yes that was really a no - it's no fun. Sometimes it's actually worse than if they had "JUST SAID NO." I've got bunches o' stories about healthy boundaries and the lack there of - but I'll stop here and get to some action because what's important is to hold up the mirror and look at our own examples - I know you have stories to tell.

So, how do we become skilled at knowing when it's BEST to say Yes and when it's BEST to say No. I have some simple tips that have helped me along the way.

1) Before you say Yes to anything - I mean ANYTHING, say "Let me think about it and get back to you." Give the person who made the request the time and date you will get back to them with an answer. I know this might seem a little overboard, but I'm telling you it works. We run into problems when we say Yes to every good thing that is requested of us. Contrary to our gender bias, we can't be wonder woman to everyone. If the person making the request says they need your answer now, say I can't give you a Yes right now. I'll back you up on this. If they persist (because some will), say "No" and call a trusted friend that can help you process through that kind of "bullying". I know I'm using strong words here, but as we learn to take good care of ourselves, we must employ some mama bear tactics.

2) Once you've said I'll get back to you...these are the questions (3-9) you can ask yourself when you have some quiet "me" time (while driving, while in the shower, before you get out of bed in the morning, over a "me" coffee break or by taking a 10 minute walk - a "taking care of me walk" for when the requests pile up).

3) What have I already committed to (Where have I already said Yes)?
4) Do I honestly have the emotional energy, resources and time to say Yes?
5) What will I have to say No to, if I say Yes to this?
6) Does saying Yes or No align with my values, my heart, what's important to me, what I want and/or what I need?
7) Does saying Yes or No move me forward toward my goals?
8) What will be the implications/ramifications of saying Yes or No?
9) What's best for my big picture - saying Yes or saying No?
10) After contemplating these questions and knowing what's best for you - go back to the person who made the request and give them your heart-felt Yes or No.

What to do when saying No is hard?
1) Call a trusted friend and ask them to hold you accountable to your answer.
2) Practice saying No with a coach or trusted friend first.
3) Practice saying No in the mirror (let your true feelings come to the surface - What are you feeling? What do you need to heed? What do you need to let go of?
4) Remember you've already gone through the steps and discovered what's best for you and for the person that made the request of you.
5) If saying No is too hard and you can't do it on your own - please don't beat yourself up over it - please email me or call me and we can discuss it.

Do you want what's best? Which of these steps will be helpful to you? Let's take our cues from the two-year-olds and season it with the maturity of knowing what's really best for us.

Thank you for going here with me today. It's not always easy to make some needed changes, but girlfriend I'm here to tell you it's always worth it.

On the journey,
Cindy

One resource book that has been invaluable to me and is written with such clarity: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

a day of reckoning

2010-07-01T16:05:00.001-07:00

The truth will set us free!

The lies that hold us back from becoming who we were made to be. The lies that keep us from doing the great things we were created to do. The lies that bind us to our past - These lies are our captivity!

As we approach Independence Day, I've been doing some contemplating on my freedom and yours. We are on our road to freedom. Did you know that our road to liberty has some boulders in the way? You guessed it - those darn lies can be huge blocks that hinder us from moving forward.

I'm compiling a list of some of the lies that line the road (if you have any others to add to the list, please email me - cindy@lessdrama.com) :

"I HAVE TO BE PERFECT." This lie is classic because if you asked us, "Are you perfect?" Our spontaneous reply would be, "No, of course not." But for those of us who are bound by this lie, we get caught up in it's snare all the time. Have you ever come away from an event and focused on the one thing that went wrong instead of celebrating all that went right?

"i'm not enough." I know I don't even have to explain this one.

"I'M TOO MUCH!!!" This used to be my favorite. It was my motto or so I was told...You talk too much! You love too much! You feel too much! You laugh too loud! Do you see the pattern? I'm so grateful that I became aware of this lie's hold on my life a while back...With intention, practice and the help of trusted, wise counsel I've moved this boulder off my road to freedom.

" " What you couldn't read that lie? Want a hint? I used invisible ink. This lie's mode of operation is: "I don't matter". You guessed it. That's right "I'm invisible." is just another one of those lies that holds us captive.

If we are going to experience freedom we have some work to do. It's time to start hauling these boulders off the road. The first step is just becoming aware of the lies. Notice when they pop up. Whenever you have a feeling of insecurity, and/or a desire to "hit yourself over the head with a rock" - recognize it. Call it out! Bring the lie out into the open. Let it know there's going to be a day of reckoning - A day when we say so long to our captors and say hello to our freedom.

I dare you to get the sparklers out this weekend and declare your freedom! Wherever you are on the journey - celebrate that you are on your Villa della Liberta (this is an actual street name in Santa Margarita, Italia)!

Thank you for inviting me into your life. It's an honor to walk alongside of you as we journey down the road of freedom. I'm grateful to you for affording me these freedoms along the way:

a freedom to be myself
a freedom to make mistakes
a freedom to love well
a freedom to have fun while "working"
a freedom to live out the call on my life
a freedom to share in the power of girlfriends

Letting Freedom Ring!
Cindy

best friends forever

2010-06-27T10:50:00.001-07:00

I found this sign in Carmel, California earlier this year. It stopped me in my tracks. I just had to take a picture and send it to you.

Do you have a girlfriend that you can trust with all your heart? I hope so. Mine is definitely a treasure!

She gets you. She knows you inside and out. She loves you. She listens when you've had a hard day. She keeps up with you no matter how much distance there is between the both of you. She believes in you. She has cried with you. She has belly-laughed with you. She's talked you down off the ledge. She celebrates you. Some friends come and go but she has always been there.

I dare you to send her some love this week. Please email her, phone her, send her flowers, or forward this message onto her - just send the love! Let her know how much she means to you.

Thank you for being my friend,
Cindy

taking care of me and YOU

2010-06-19T08:59:00.001-07:00

Everywhere I go, there you are staring me in the face. Literally, you’ve been the topic lately. They’re all talking about you. Why are you so elusive? No matter how old we are or how educated we’ve become, we still can’t figure you out. We’ve been given the tools and resources to find you, yet we can’t grasp a hold of you. I’ve been trained to teach others about you - I know what’s important and my resume states that I might actually be an expert on wellness (physical, emotional and spiritual). Yet, when it comes to you I’m no different than any woman I know. My girlfriend, Monica, said it this way last night, “It must be a gender thing.”

Do you know who I’m talking about? We all know her. We catch glimpses of her. We get her. We know her worth. We all want to be her close friend, yet we don’t know how. Her name is self-care. Girlfriends, we are caregivers by nature and yet the one person in our life that doesn’t get the care she needs is our self. What’s up with that?

I’ve got some questions for you:

Have you denounced the wonder woman within you?
Do you get the sleep you need?
Do you have all the downtime you crave?
Do you take real vacations? I’m not talking about the ones where you go visit family - I’m talking about the real ones where you sit on the beach and read a good book until you’ve soaked up enough sun so you go lay in the hammock and take a nap. The kind where you don’t have to worry about laundry, meals, or time commitments.

Did you answer YES to all of those questions? If you did, I’m willing to bet you are in the minority and you need to clue us into the how of it. If you’re like me and the girlfriends I know - the wonder woman within us is alive and well or at least she’s giving it her best shot.

My girlfriend, Amanda, asked me this question recently, “How can we keep the treadmill of life at a steady enough pace to keep us productive but not at the insane “10” incline and “10” pace we have it set?” Good question, Amanda. Way back when, I learned an important life principle when I was waitressing at age 20 - “If you don’t know the answer, tell them you’ll go find out and get back to them.” This principle has served me well over the years. It works. So with that said, “Amanda, I’m on it. I don’t know the answer to that question but I’ll get back to you.”

I’ve started with asking my life coach, Lisa. We came up with 4 things I need to keep my pace sane this summer:
No rushing - this means don’t over-schedule.
Make sure I have needed “down time”.
If I got home late last night, make sure I have ample “morning time”.
If I’m on the road traveling heaps, make sure to schedule “home time”.

So far, it’s working out pretty good. I’m feeling fairly sane. I haven’t been perfect on the over scheduling, but I’m working on it. We just spent the week in Phoenix for family and business, so I’m making sure we stay home this week and next. Although I’m here to tell you my bent is to get back on the road and go to the coast with Brad for his birthday on Monday. It’s a good thing, I’ve enlisted Brad to help me with my self-care - he graciously said, “NO!”

I’m working on 2 girlfriend retreats for later this summer (a coastal weekend away complete with massages) that will address how to really take care of ourselves. If this is a topic that hits home with you, please join us. Email cindy@lessdrama.com for the details. If you can’t make Less Drama’s Summer Escape 2010, you could start by reading Cheryl Richardson’s, “The Art of Extreme Self Care.” I believe Cheryl’s the real expert on this topic.

Will you join me in learning the art and practice of self-care? Cheryl says this as an enticement, “The practice of Extreme Self-Care forces us to make choices and decisions that honor and reflect the true nature of our soul. While the notion of this might seem selfish or self-centered, doing so actually allows us to make our greatest contribution to the world...We naturally begin to care for others - our families, our friends and the world - in a healthier and more effective way.”

Learning and Practicing,
Cindy

School's Out for Summer

2010-06-04T14:17:00.000-07:00

It didn't take us long on this earth to figure out that summer = freedom. We learned the anthem early on and can sing out loud in unison "schools out for summer". Sing with me, "schools out for summer." I see a couple of you adding your air guitars. Admit it =)

I have such fond memories - YMCA day camp, hiking in the white mountains and swimming in the lakes of New Hampshire (yes, I've swam in Golden Pond and hung out with "What about Bob?" on Lake Winnipesaukee), eating buckets and buckets of fresh peaches, gardening with my granddad and my dad wishing his kids would help him with his wally-world sized garden (that makes me giggle - it was ginormous), eating zucchini pancakes, zucchini bread and various other zucchini-laden foods because we had them coming out of our ears, teaching sailing lessons, camping along the Saco river, playing Skee-ball and Centipede at Weir's Beach, shopping for back-to-school clothes at Bon-Tons, eating Friendly's ice cream (a scoop of butter crunch with chocolate jimmies in a cup) and playing Marco Polo.

If you're like me that first year out of school when work didn't break for summer, a mild depression set in. What - no summer? No freedom from getting up early? Does anyone remember the 90's movie, "Reality Bites"? I think that says it all (although I'm feeling a bit old because I can't even remember one scene from it - yikes). Hopefully, you get my point.

Well school's out for summer and my plate seems fuller than ever. But one thing I've learned over the years is to adopt a care-free spirit for summer. It really does help. I cut down on my commitments - "don't you know school's out?". We eat light meals and play outside as the heat permits. We venture to new places and I journal. I've always journaled but never every day. So every couple of summers I choose to keep a summer journal and I write in it every day - don't worry they aren't long entries...I love to capture the moments when freedom arrives. Looking back over those summer journals and remembering what I learned even though school was technically out brings me joy.

Here's an excerpt from my "summer school" lessons last year:

Family is oh-so important to me. I don't like living so far away from family. When you're 93 years old, you've got some really interesting stories to tell and you can tell them any way you LIKE. I love my granddad. I love telling stories. Moms know interesting little details about their daughters (thanks Denise). 5 year olds are brave and undaunted and love making new friends (Cady, thank you for inspiring Aunt Cindy). "Ugly sisters" REALLY do stick together. Just BEING with girlfriends is life-giving. Best laid plans don't always work - but gratefulness always does. When you step on the brake and the hand control steps on the gas - the result is terrifying. Too many diets (money, food, friends) at one time can be draining (thanks Susan). Worrying about receiving God's provision takes away from the blessing of receiving it. Moms REALLY do love their daughters and they spend their whole being trying to prove that. Going to the lake is refreshing on all counts. 75 degrees is perfect. Concentrating on the good stuff and letting go of the bad stuff helps tremendously. Working hard produces results, sometimes you have to be patient and wait for them, though. When standing on new ground, remember your foundations. Resting in the truth is REALLY resting (the converse is true). The unexpected sometimes brings fun, unexpected surprises. Brad's family has become my family. Laughing with Brad really connects us. Cindy loves being at home.

I dare you to join me this summer. Will you adopt your own care-free spirit? Will you let go of your worries, throw on the flip-flops and set aside all that hinders you? Please leave your burdens at the back door of that metaphorical summer beach cottage. There's a basket there - they'll be well taken care of. Step out into the sand. Wiggle your toes. Be transformed. Find some kids and play Marco Polo (don't play with my niece, Victoria - she opens her eyes under water). Make a new play-list filled with songs about summer and take a road-trip with a pal. Turn the TV off, set the fans and the bug lights out on the porch and read a good chic-lit book or flip through the pages of your favorite magazines by lantern light. Invite friends over for homemade popsicles or splurge and go out for ice cream. Take a blanket out on the lawn and stargaze. You're never too old for a good game of hide and seek or sardines. CHOOSE to live free and don't forget to capture those moments - in pics, a journal or your fb status updates.

Choosing to be free,
Cindy

Powerful Questions to Ponder:
Describe freedom.
What's one step you could take towards freedom in the next week?
Define play.
Wanna come out and play?
Can you/Will you choose a care-free spirit this season?

Need Some Inspiration?

2010-05-30T07:39:00.001-07:00

We all need a little dose of inspiration every once in a while. Here's to filling your plate with a heaping spoonful of it!

I know some of you have already seen Nick in action but if you're like me he always warms your heart.

Please click on the youtube link and be inspired:

Happy Sunday,

Cindy

Introducing the "Hey Everyone" Button!

2010-05-19T08:44:00.000-07:00

This one is a bit long. You might want to pour yourself a cup of tea, a tall glass of lemonade or a glass of wine, first. Then, sit back in your big comfy chair and contemplate.

I have quite the gem to share with you today. I sure do hope it translates. It's called the "Hey Everyone" button. I think we'll be able to sell millions once the concept takes hold. If there's anyone out there that has some extra time (lol) and is super creative and/or tech savvy and can help me create a viral youtube for this button - let's chat.

Okay, you're intrigued. I hope I didn't build this one up too much already. I have a habit of getting really excited about things but then again you already knew that. I really hope I can capture the moment and convey this message well. Maybe I already need to use my "Hey Everyone" button?

Here's the back-story:

Yesterday I was traveling to my Less Drama Queens of Bakersfield coaching group. It's a good drive and I was chatting on the phone with a dear friend, one of those friendships where we totally get each other and are able to be completely honest. For those of you inclined, please don't even try and guess which friend it was because I promised her I would change the names and dates and any identifying information, so as to protect her innocence. We were chatting about said "boy at work" and she was sharing her thoughts and process. Right smack dab in the middle, I called her on some of her thinking. It was here that the genius of the "personal announcement" was born.

Please note at this point in my contemplation - that this forthcoming story is not really about the boy or whether or not to date him - the story is an illustration on how to use the "Hey Everyone, I have a personal announcement to make" button.

My friend has just started a new job and has this "boy at work" who she thinks is fun and engages her in witty banter. She loves that - she was made for it. There IS a connection.

A couple of weeks ago, she went to happy hour with the girls from work. She casually brought up his name to see what "the word on the street is." They couldn't get it out fast enough - they had some interesting details to share - suffice it all to say, they think he's weird. All of this was particularly horrifying to my friend. I encouraged her, "That's data to be filed away but you are the one that gets to decide what you think about him." After all, these ladies aren't life long buddies, she just met them.

Here's an excerpt from her journal she has so graciously permitted me to share with you:

So there I was, with this conundrum sitting like gooey marshmallow melted balls right in my hands. I am emailing with this guy who is asking me to join him for activities and coffee and the like, and I can tell no one about it for fear of what they'll think of me. And worse, that the rumors are true and my red flag goer-offers have been maimed and taped to my head when they should be standing straight up, detecting danger and weirdness in potential love-mates.

I went to coffee with him anyway. Twice in one week as a matter of fact - one time, for an hour. We took a long walk and talked about his robot costume out in the sunshine right in the middle of the work day and we saw a black cat that looked like a tiny panther :)

We got back and his team (we're all in departments that are segregated by cubicle bull-pens within walls closed in by doors - which enhance the lack of sharing information about who might be weird and who might be not) were sitting outside and all heads were pointed at us as we walked back from my car to the building.

And then later, I swear I saw my coworker give him the stink eye and for the rest of the afternoon attributed her less-than-enthusiastic look with the fact that she couldn't believe I was associating with him. I wondered, about her stink eye, "What does THAT mean?"

So I have been locked in a paranoia jail cell in which I think everyone is aware of my emailing and hanging out with this boy and they ALL know something I don't know and they ALL disapprove but are just waiting for me to find out on my own because there is a code of silence here where we work.

I also suffer from a mild case of "I think the world revolves around me" in which I believe everyone is thinking about me all the time and all of their facial expressions and moods are directly related to me. Also, I have a horrendous and crippling fear that I never - no matter what it is - have the right outfit for the given occasion. And also that my hair will look bad. And all of these things together are why I am single...terminally.

So my friend Cindy thought maybe I should make an announcement. There is an intercom system throughout our building to let you know when your clients have arrived. Maybe they'd let me use it just for a minute to clear the air and make sure we're all on the same page. But then we got to thinking it would even be better if I had my OWN intercom at my desk, so that I could use it any time I needed to make an announcement for the greater good.

No wait, I could make an announcement to everyone, so they don't have to be in a bad mood just because they think maybe I'm making bad decisions about a boy I'm just trying to get to know but haven't made any commitments to, yet.

It might go something like this, "Hey Everyone: so I know you've been kinda worried about me. You didn't have to say anything; I saw it in your eyes. I'm just trying to get to know him, you know, for myself. Because I kind of have a history of letting other people make decisions for me and so this is important for me to make my own decision. So please don't worry because I'm just trying to figure it out. I am working on it. I really appreciate your concern and just wanted to let you know I can see what you're thinking and will be very careful to make good decisions and come out with a greater sense of self-efficacy. So back to work. No need to spend your whole day thinking about me and being worried that I might end up in a ditch somewhere, you know, metaphorically speaking. I know you're all wondering how someone as great as me could still be single and I really am so grateful for your concern. So that's all for now. I might announce something again later, you know, like if I suspect you might be worried that my pants are getting too tight and think I might be emotionally eating again..."

And then, saying this ridiculousness out loud, it really sunk in - NO ONE IS THINKING ABOUT ME. THEY ARE THINKING ABOUT THEMSELVES AND THEIR OWN BRIMMING LIVES. I will have to say this to myself again and again and probably will have to just threaten to make a Personal Announcement when I believe the off-look in everyone's eye is directly related to me to remind myself that in fact, no, they've got their own lives to be having looks and thoughts over, and my day and existence is not at the center of everyone else's consciousness as I - in my poignant and terrified insecurity - believe it to be.
I am free to live my life and explore and take risks and get to know boys and do whatever the heck else that's on my heart to do.

So THANK YOU, CINDY! For encouraging the Personal Announcement button. I can already tell that intercom at my desk is going to get a lot of use."

That's the illustration of how a "Hey Everyone, I have a personal announcement to make" button might be used. Do you get it? Do you have a couple of personal announcements that you could air in an attempt to keep perspective and keep your insecurities at bay? I know I do. For you concrete thinkers, please remember that this button really is metaphorical at this point - something that you get to push metaphorically speaking - and it "shares the message you're thinking" allowing you to move past the insecurity and letting you live your life in the moment.

I could have used a button this weekend. I even hesitate to share with all ya'lls but ya'll tell me you love when I share from the heart (i.e. get vulnerable). So, here it goes, my button illustration:

This weekend I went to this fun, intimate workout session with some girls I know well and some girls I just met (it was a bachelorette crazy fun thing ~ believe-you-me a story for another day). Some of the girls were 15 years younger than me and none had yet reached their decade of freedom (40's). We were supposed to wear yoga attire. I forgot mine, so I wore my pajama bottoms from the earlier pajama party shower - did I say it was a crazy fun day? I worked really hard at not letting my insecurities consume me. I did a pretty good job at letting them go and enjoying the moment for what it was - a fun, bachelorette moment celebrating my friend. If only my "Hey, I need to make a personal announcement" button had been created it might have made it easier to let go.

This would have been my personal announcement:

"Hey girls, I have a personal announcement to make. I'm so glad to be here with you celebrating our friend. I know you're wondering why I showed up in these bright colored pajamas - I know they are NOT yoga pants. I also am well aware that I'm carrying these extra few pounds but I'm working on it. I'm trying to get rid of them. I AM 44. When I was your age, I was at my healthy weight, too. I don't look as cute as you all do in your yoga pants - but I'm here to celebrate. I'm here to have fun. I know you'll like me (some of you already love me) and by the time I turn 45, I'll be much closer to that healthy weight for me. I know I'm becoming an RN and you're thinking RNs really should be healthy - I really am committed to being healthy - eating right and exercising - you should see my workout with the 50+ crowd at my gym in my po-dunk town that is not SF (it's a swim class that incorporates yoga, pilates and cardiac - it kicks my butt). I'm doing my best and I hope you can forgive my clumsiness (I used to be a cheerleader way back when). I hope now that I've cleared the air and you don't have to worry any longer about me being an unhealthy nurse who wears silly pajamas to a dance workout (I can follow directions, too) we can get on to the matter at hand. Thank you."

Okay, there you have it - illustration # 2. Now, for those of you reading this that were at that event, please do not email me and say "Cindy, we love you...we weren't thinking blah, blah, blah." I know. I know. Ms. Insecurity can raise some doozies. I didn't share this moment to be encouraged by my friends. I wasn't even that consumed by my insecurities - but that unwanted friend did show up and since I'm doing the research and writing on the topic and asking each of us to say goodbye to her - I was ultra-aware of her presence (like I'm not usually - hehehe). I told this story to illustrate once again how ridiculous this thinking is that goes on in our heads. At the workout, I really was wise enough to know that every cute girl in her yoga pants was dealing with her own friend, Ms. Insecurity and was too caught up to be thinking about me and my "friend" that I had told to leave.

As a fun accountability, my friend with whom I co-created the button, have decided to text each other every time we need to push the "Hey Everyone, I have personal announcement to make" button. We are hoping this will help us say goodbye to our friend, Ms. Insecurity for good. Please email or text me when you push your "Hey Everyone, I have a personal announcement to make" button.

Using my button and keeping perspective,
Cindy

Insecurity. Let me introduce you. She's the one that...

2010-05-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

Oh that's right - no need for descriptions here. I'm guessing you are already well acquainted with her. Some of us know her better than others, but shall I be bold enough to say, "She's probably one of our oldest friends." She's not my constant companion any more but I must admit she shows up more often than I'd like. How close is she to you? What does she mean to you? Is she invited into your inner circle or is she only invited to the big events in your life? Let's be honest with each other, "What kind of friend has she been to you all these years?"

I don't need to tell you she's been a bad friend. Some might even tag her "abusive". I went to a women's conference two weeks ago. The "hot" topic was insecurity. Guess how many women attended the "live via satellite" event? 300,000. That's right - that many girlfriends were at least secure enough to gather and discuss their insecurities. Yay for us! It's about time we brought Insecurity's ugly self out into the open. Beth Moore was the conference speaker and is the author of the new book, "So Long Insecurity: You've been a Bad Friend to Us." I'm reading it right now (research, of course :-)). She started off the discussion with this question, "When was the last time you met up with Insecurity?" It was a "she had me at hello" moment. I literally just encountered her. I had just surveyed the auditorium looking over all the women within my view. My friend, Insecurity, needed to see if I was dressed JUST RIGHT. Then, I thought back to the evening before the conference and I had had a moment with Brad where I was questioning my security. Wow. Yikes and I consider myself to be a fairly secure, self-confident woman. If I had had two run-ins with Insecurity (that I was aware of) in less than 12 hours, this insecurity thing must be rampant, especially amongst women.

The next point Beth brought that resonated and the reason why I'm writing today was this, "NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM INSECURITY." I will say it again, "NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM INSECURITY." Think on this. Ponder it. What do you think about that?

How often do you meet up with her? Is it time to say goodbye? Is it time to let this friendship go? If you're like me, you are ready. Some of us have already started on the journey to letting go of our insecurities. Letting go of Insecurity won't happen over night. It's a cultural thing. We must tackle it together. Let's meet. Let's discuss. Let's be honest with each other. We will need to be vulnerable. It will take work to truly say goodbye. But let's do it. Let's speak the truth. Let's live in the truth.

Contemplating change,

Cindy

P.S. I wrote a post last August about just this thing. If you missed it and are interested, I've included this link to the archived piece, "Got Those Less Than Feelings?" Be assured that this won't be the last time you hear me spout off about this topic.

Where do you need to stop and take a moment?

2010-05-03T16:46:00.000-07:00

How does an Irish poet from the early 1800's know anything about the lives of women in the 21st century? Did he time travel?

"It's important to be heroic, ambitious, productive, efficient, creative, and progressive, but these qualities don't necessarily nurture the soul. The soul has different concerns of equal value: downtime for reflection, conversation, and reverie; beauty that is captivating and pleasuring; relateness to the environs and to people; and any animal's rhythm of rest and activity."

~ Thomas Moore (1772-1852)

How did he know about our hustle and bustle - our sometimes unconscious attempts at following in Linda Carter's footsteps? Can you say Wonder Woman? How did he know we needed downtime?

What would happen if we took the time to pause and reflect? Would we stand out? Would the world stop and take notice? Would our souls benefit?

Here's a fun little video:
(please click on the link or cut and paste it into your browser)
http://tiny.cc/bestill

Where in your life do you need to take the time to be still? Where do you need to say no to the hustle and bustle of your own "grand central station"?

I dare you to really ponder this question with me.

Needing some time to be still,
Cindy

Remembering Sharon...

2010-04-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

It's been a year since one of my dearest friends went home to heaven...Sharon Garland died on April 25, 2009. She was a fierce advocate, a lover of life, an "in your face kinda girl" and the consummate momma bear. So many memories flood my heart today like warm tears shed out of sheer joy. I loved that girl with all my heart. She made me laugh. She let me be me. She taught me the power of sharing our stories. She gave confidence a new face. Bravery was her middle name. A diamond in the rough! She was my friend, confidant, caretaker, and esteemed colleague. She helped me understand the stronghold of addiction. One of these days, I'll give you a proper introduction to the lady whose charisma could have catapulted her into the office of presidency of the United States (if only she hadn't inhaled). For now, I'd love you to hear her story. Please read it with your soul.

In 2003, Sharon wrote this upon my request to help our volunteers at Oak Street House understand the heart of addiction.

ADDICTED TO FEELING NOTHING
I am a child who has been beaten, emotionally, physically, sexually, and spiritually.
I have learned how to please everyone and trust no one, not even myself.
I have little or no self-esteem.
I will lie, manipulate, and steal, to get what I need and what I really need is understanding.
The understanding that I am vulnerable and sensitive, too sensitive so I medicate, I isolate,
I keep everything inside until I am about to burst.
You may never see me cry, then I would be exposed, I would be pathetic,
Though I can cry on command.
How will you know when the tears are real, or just another guise to make you mine?
You wonder what type of person would set out to purposely destroy their lives, not I.
Yet, you see, I have shut down a long time ago and this is the only way I know how to feel,
How to feel nothing inside.
I am a child, who has never had the chance to grow up with love,
Kindness, affection, or understanding.
I am pimp; I am whore who wields the sword of power over my victims.
I am a casualty of my surroundings, and a predator in the making.
If you show me weakness the only thing I know, is how to take advantage,
Because my survival for the longest time has depended on the moment when I feel the need not to suffer anymore.
I live to not feel, and sometimes no matter how much dope I have I still can never escape,
Because everyday I wake I face an existence of pure pain.
When I come in from the madness, I am exposed, raw, and scared,
And now I am supposed to feel.
What happens when I feel and I don’t know how to handle my thoughts
Because I never have had them before,
I am going to get angry, I am going to push you away,
I am going to isolate and hope I can find a way to deaden the ache.
I am going back to what I know, even if that way will eventually cause me so much more pain,
Because you see it is what I know.
When you punish me, I laugh in your face, you could never do anything so terrible to me that
I have not done to myself already, more devastating then you could ever imagine.
So I wonder what are you trying to teach me, some lesson in life’s consequences,
You better find another way.
I need to know there is a place for me, to grow, to live, to not be humiliated
Because you really don’t have a clue, do you - the hell I have been living.
Now you want me to transform, overnight, when it took me many long years
To get where I am now.
Look at my survival skills, look at the strength and determination
I possess to be sitting here right this minute;
Believe that I am worthy inside, even when I don’t.
You try to help though I fight you all the way, it is not my intent to disrespect you,
But until I am ready to admit I have a problem, I may seem like a waste of your time.
But whatever you do, do not think that I am hopeless,
For the seed has been planted and some of us just take longer to bloom than others.
Everyone else has given up on me, so why not you, show me that my existence is worthwhile,
Even though I cannot love myself right now, please love me anyways.
Even when I am angry, let me know that you are there for me,
Let me fall but be there to guide me back.
I am a child who has been stripped of everything and I do not know
Or have never been shown that there is a different way.
Give me options, give me praise, but do not try to humble me, only I can do that.
Let me know trust, let me know that I am a valuable human being.
Do not let me run circles around you.
Let me make mistakes, be there to walk me through the process,
Do not let go until letting go might be the only way to show me love.
For you see I will tell you anything you want to hear
But what you need to do is to watch what I do.
When I start shutting down and my behaviors start to change you need to pull me up,
You need to call my bluff, and the danger in that is that my bluff could kill me.

Written by Sharon Garland, January 2003

my favorite hoodie

2010-04-14T16:38:00.001-07:00

It’s tattered. It has that lived-in-feeling. It’s what my mom calls threadbare and given the opportunity she would throw it out in a New York minute. It’s literally (and figuratively) my comfort zone. It’s like an old dear friend that knows me inside and out. It has known the triumphs and oh-has-it seen the glory of my messiness. My favorite hoodie has been “snot on” by little ones, cried on by mamas, hugged on, cursed at by wounded souls, sweat in and loved. If this hoodie could talk - it would write these contemplations with ease. It’s wise beyond its years in regards to emotional boundaries - both healthy and unhealthy.

I know it’s wisdom because I wore this hoodie every Monday night when I was the director at Oak Street House. I got down and dirty on Mondays. It was the night of the week when we were all about living life together - the good, the bad and the ugly. I got down on the floor and played with the kids - oh the memories of laughing, singing, crying for mama, and taking rides on the “silly train”. Monday night was “mandatory”! We all ate dinner together as a family. We took turns cooking. We invited friends. And THEN there was house meeting - oh my! House meeting was where we “duked it out” - I mean figured out this thing we call community and how to live together in something that was supposed to resemble harmony. Envision yourself living together in a beautiful Victorian with nine of your dearest girlfriends and all of your children are under the age of five - can you say difficult, if not impossible? House meeting was our weekly intensive, crash course in boundaries - the DO’s and DON’Ts of healthy boundaries.

Oak Street House is where I learned all about the power of emotional boundaries. It’s where I grew healthier. I used to chuckle with my clinical supervisor when I was in the throes of self-discovery. I’d say everyone should have to work with the homeless and those in recovery - it’s like holding up a mirror to see all of the icky stuff that lives within the walls of your own true self. Needless to say, with perseverance, patience and love we all grew healthier, that is, all of us who were willing to put forth the effort.

I’m wearing my blue hoodie right now. It’s going to help me write my messiest contemplations to date. You see, I’ve been a bit stuck. The five foundations of this forthcoming book are growth, communication, the power of girlfriends, making life matter and boundaries. Boundaries *sigh*. Really, I tried not to save the hardest for last ~ these last contemplations have become the vegetables on the plate of a 3-year-old. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve sat down to “contemplate” the matter of boundaries since starting to write this book a year and a half ago. Once stuck, I put off the writing until later. The “later” train has now pulled into the station. You’d think it would be easy for me. I’ve learned so much and I’ve facilitated a number of workshops and retreats on the subject. Yet, it’s not easy to put the un-pretty stuff of life down on paper - especially when it’s not a black and white subject matter.

I’ve had a number of brainstorming sessions with Brad and Lisa, my coach, to help me get unstuck in this part of the writing. Brad and I came up with the list of boundary titles to contemplate. Last week, Lisa suggested starting off with a confession of why it’s so difficult to write about this subject. This week’s brainstorm was my blue hoodie. I’m finally writing. Yay!

Interestingly enough, I wonder if there’s a parallel process going on here? I wonder if that’s what we all do when it comes time to put forth the effort to grow in an especially difficult place within ourselves? Did someone say healthy boundaries? Do we get stuck? Do we keep putting off the process until later? Until later arrives and it’s NOW necessary. Hmmm...I wonder?

Words and phrases that come to mind when I think about boundaries ~ necessary, complicated, nuances, freedom, seemingly moving targets, protection, energy-draining, hard work, self awareness, discovery, growth, and my favorite - MESSY.

Just look at what dictionary.com has to say about the word MESSY:
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: cluttered, dirty
Synonyms: blotchy, careless, chaotic, confused, dishelved, disordered, disorganized, grimy, grubby, littered, muddled, rumpled, raunchy, slapdash, slipshod, sloppy, slovenly, unfastidious, unkempt, untidy
Antonyms: clean, ordered, organized, uncluttered

I confess I’m not the expert on boundaries but I’ve learned a whole bunch in my study and practice of healthy boundaries. I’ve seen firsthand the power of boundaries defined. I've learned that healthy boundaries are a journey not a destination. I know they can help us live a life filled with Less Drama. Boundaries protect us. They help us know where we begin and where we end. They help us keep the good in and let the bad out. They help us know what is our responsibility and what isn’t. They help us live in community together. Boundaries help us keep in relationship with the safe people and say goodbye to the toxic people in our lives. Boundaries help us know when to say yes and when to say no. So, over the next couple of weeks I will be sharing some of my contemplations and insights. Note to self, you have now just “told the world” - there’s the accountability you’ve been needing.

If these contemplations in the coming weeks spark in you an interest to grow in the area of healthy boundaries, I encourage you to read the various boundaries books by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, you can find them on amazon.com. They are my boundary gurus. I think their books should be in the “dummies” section of the bookstore instead of the self-help section, i.e. “Boundaries for Dummies”. They make the content easy to digest and they get to the heart of the matter. They know boundaries.

So, there you have it ~ a picture of my favorite hoodie with it’s back story, a confession on why it’s so difficult to write about boundaries and a commitment to write some on this very messy subject. I hope you are ready to embark on this last leg of the journey with me. My friend, Cindy Mitchell, said earlier today - hurry up with the veggies, so we can get on with dessert.

Still Writing,
Cindy

Wheels on suitcases - What a great idea!

2010-03-26T13:41:00.000-07:00

I love when my worlds converge with a message. Be present. Don't rush. Be still.

Yesterday, I had lunch with a new girlfriend and she asked "How could she pray for me?" Translation = What do I really need? I need some help returning to my New Year's Intention of REALLY being present to the moment.

A colleague asked this question, "What's on your well-being check list?" At first I didn't like the idea of having yet another checklist in my life, especially when we are talking about my well-being. After pondering the question, I realized that my well-being definitely includes not rushing from here to there. I put it on the list - Don't rush.

While I lived in San Francisco, I had the incredible opportunity to "sit under" the teaching of a trusted friend, colleague and wise sage - Debby Bellingham. I went on a number of personal retreats with Debby that took us away from the craziness of every day. The number one priority of each of these getaways was to be still. I've been missing those times, literally and figuratively. Well, guess what? I just got invited to one the weekend of April 9-11th. I replied with a resounding yes. Pick me! I need some "still-ness" from my one-woman-juggling act of "RN student, Queen of Less Drama, life coaching, booking writing, domestic un-goddess and wife."

And then, this morning I read this quote on another coaching colleague's facebook status (Thank you Heidi). "If we take the time to be quiet, be still, and be present, we may start to see things we haven't seen before - things that have been right in front of our eyes. And those are the things that change the world." ~ Dan Pallotta

I went and read Dan's post on the Harvard Business Review blog. Powerful stuff. Please click on the link below and read the post.

http://blogs.hbr.org/pallotta/2010/03/no-now-no-new.html

I dare you to take a moment and ask "What's in it (the post) for you?"

Dan encourages us to take the time to see things as they are - then set out to make changes. Dan Pallotta is a leading expert on innovation in the nonprofit sector and a pioneering social entrepreneur. He knows the power of asking "WHY?"

Why do we do what we do? Are we making life matter? What would happen if you took some time to be still? Is the investment of being present to NOW worth it? How would slowing down serve me and the ones I love?

Taking some time out to just be still,

Cindy

P.S. Maybe I should take the wheels off my suitcase and slow down - LOL!

big.happy.balloon

2010-03-21T04:15:00.000-07:00

I love synergy. I love chatting with one of my best girlfriends. We connect. We process. We get IT. When we talked yesterday, she told me about an upcoming job interview. She shared with me her enthusiasm mixed in with some fears of inadequacy. Her fears seemed to be winning the race.

I encouraged her to carve out some time and go to her favorite safe place. Once she’s there, I told her to “Ponder your strengths. Contemplate your essence. Create hope. Think on these questions – Why this job? Why you? Capture stories. Envision. Dream. Do all this in preparation for the interview.” She got the idea and ran with it. Her enthusiasm shot out in front. The energy in her voice lifted. Seemingly out of nowhere – I imagined a big, happy, hot pink, gerbera daisy, balloon. Can you see it? She could. We giggled.

Can you imagine her ambling into her interview, big happy balloon in hand? She ties it to a chair (not saying a word) and sits down with confidence. She’s ready. She’s got game. She interview becomes a walk in the park. BTW - she was made for this job!

Where in your life do you need a big, happy balloon of confidence?

Taking a walk of confidence,

Cindy

a simple moment of truth

2010-03-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday I learned two valuable life lessons: One about business and the other about simple moments that bring truth.

I had just sat through a 5-hour lecture with what became my worst migraine ever - that was not fun to say the least! I was walking from class to my big ol' country girl truck when I was stopped in my tracks.

This gentle man with cerebral palsy in a motorized wheelchair rolled by me and then unexpectedly turned backed towards me. I'm not sure how he elicited my attention but he signaled me over to him. I think I was wondering if he needed my help. He spoke in the most tender and kind 1-inch voice I have ever heard, "What's your name?" I can still "feel" the gentleness of his voice. Pause. Deep Sigh. I said, "Cindy, what's yours?" His name was Milo. It's what he said next that has stayed with me. He said in a whisper that was seemingly meant for my soul (so soft and slow that I had to lean in real close to hear), "You caught my eye. You are beau-ti-ful. You. Make. My. Heart. Go. Pit.ter.pat." No pretense. No cat call. No hubris. It was simply pure and genuine from the heart. I must add here that this does not happen to me every day. I know that my family and friends find me pretty (most days) but complete strangers do not usually stop me with such utterances.

Whoa. This sent me reeling. As I walked away, I was awestruck. It was as if I had been turned upside down and inside out. As my thoughts jumped quickly through my processor, I turned back to catch a glance at Milo but he was gone from sight. Hmm...

I called Brad to share my little moment with him but he was not available, so I called Alisha. Have I mentioned before that I'm a verbal processor? I shared. We processed. I was struck by his courage and the innocence of his intrusion into my life. As an aside, for my single girlfriends, I wondered why most guys don't share such things with us, unabashedly. As I recounted the moment, waves of emotions took over. It totally caught me off guard. We are talking waterfalls. It seemed so silly and yet so profound that my tears flowed so freely. As we talked about my encounter, Alisha named the moment, "Sacred". This message of truth spoke deeply to me. Somehow it wasn't important to know why it had "hit me so" but I knew that it was my job to JUST receive it. I'm still receiving it. In the quiet moments, I reflect. I contemplate. I wonder.

What I learned this week about simple moments of truth:

• be willing and open to hear the message
• listen carefully with your heart
• messages of truth can be sent in unlikely packages
• truth comes when you need it
• truth sometimes comes as an interruption from the ordinary
• it's important to simply and humbly receive the truth
• take time to ponder the truth and let it seep into your soul

So I'm not sure how this story will sit with you. It's not easy to capture the essence of a moment like this. I hope it speaks to you. I'm trusting there's something in it for you, too. Live in the truth that beauty abounds within each one of us.

Receiving,
Cindy

It takes a girl!

2010-03-06T12:00:00.000-08:00

Most of us girls (living in America) have grown up in an age of believing that we could do anything and be anything we wanted to be! We were given the power to believe. We were given "eyes" to see. I think it's safe to say that my sissy bum and I owe my mom a big, ginormous thanks for instilling that confidence within us. Thanks mom for giving us a vision and a hope for our future.

I so strongly believe in the power of girlfriends. I believe that we can see in each other the great things that are destined to be. I believe that we hold the keys to unlocking opportunities for each other.

Some girls around the world haven't been given the keys or worse yet, they've had them stolen by circumstances out of their control. We who have been given much must help them unlock the doors to their opportunity.

"We are limited not by our abilities, but by our vision." Author unknown

I've got two videos that I want to share with you today. I believe that awareness is the first step to making significant changes. I believe that we hold the keys to unlocking great things for our girlfriends around the world. I believe that we must first have the eyes to see. PLEASE take the time to watch these videos. They are powerful!

The first one asks this question of you. The world is a mess.
Do you AGREE or DISAGREE?

The second one dares you:

I dare you to join me in finding ways to celebrate International Women's Day (March 8th). It's a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future.

Girls rule and boys drool,
Cindy

Please be sure to visit Girl Effect on facebook. It's got great tools for creating awareness and making a difference. After all, it only takes a girl.

do you hear voices, i do?

2010-02-22T14:15:00.000-08:00

Do you remember Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live? Stuart was over the top with his self affirmations. “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggone it, people like me.” The point he made in those silly SNL skits, albeit a tad bit exaggerated, was that what we think about ourselves really does impact what we do and who we are becoming.

This past week, I spent one of my clinical days in Endoscopy. I hope you never find yourself in that part of a hospital, but let me tell you a bit about my experience. It’s all very rushed. Patients come into a room filled with beds, get hooked up to vital sign monitors, get an IV started, answer some questions, sign a consent for the procedure, and with the help of a competent, caring nurse have their fears relieved (all within the span of 10 minutes). Then, fast as lightning, they are wheeled in for their procedure. Okay, I’ll stop there. I know you don’t really want to hear about what goes on behind the closed doors. Big sigh. That’s all of you reading this, sounding relieved that I didn’t go there.

I get to learn in this rushed environment. As I’m learning and practicing my newly acquired skills I begin hearing these voices. “You should have noticed that.” “How come you didn’t do that?” “That’s important - why didn’t you remember that?” “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” I haven’t heard these voices in years. I guess they’ve made an encore appearance since I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and into an entirely new world for me. I realized in that first hour of Endoscopy that I was getting increasingly flustered. Oh my. My confidence factor was dwindling.

Then, because I’ve had experience with these mean, no-good-for-nothing voices, I stopped them in their tracks. I had a little Stuart Smalley moment. YES, right there in Endoscopy, I had a literal conversation with myself (thankfully not out loud). I told those useless, not needed here, little voices to take a hike. I played the new tape. “You ARE learning. It takes time to acquire these skills. That’s why you’re here. Be patient. Take your time. You’re getting it. You’re going to be a great nurse, Cindy.” Transformation - what a difference that made. Deep breaths and I was back feeling confident, going slow and building great rapport with my patients. I even landed some encouraging feedback from one of the nurses.

Thank you for letting me write from the heart and share bits and pieces of my own journey. You’ve told me it resonates. For this, I’m grateful. Thank you for sharing your life with me, too. It warms my heart.

Now that you’ve heard my “playlist” for the week - what’s on yours? Below you’ll find a contemplation from the archives. I think it’s worth sharing with you again in light of my Stuart Smalley moment.

The truth will set you free,
Cindy

From the archives: What’s on Your Playlist?

What are you listening to these days? Do you have a favorite playlist on your iPod? I do. I'm listening to it right now as I write. Are you like me - do you like to listen to it over and over again or do you mix it up? What music is on your playlists? I've got playlists for my many moods and special events in my life. I love putting a playlist together for a family member or friend (when it's time to celebrate them, when they are in need of comforting words, or simply because we are having them over for dinner). There are memories in my playlists. Trisha Yearwood and Jack Johnson must rate - they've got their own playlists. Who knew you could tell so much about a person by what they listen to?

I'm writing about playlists today because I've been thinking about the voices we listen to in our heads. What gets your "airtime"? What messages/thoughts are we sending ourselves? What messages do you cling to with all of our heart? What do you think about (or "listen" to) when you are doing the mundane (like taking a shower in the morning)? Does truth get airtime or are you shuffling through the lies?

As a coach and someone who is learning to walk down the road of freedom, I know how important it is to pay attention to what messages are playing in our head. These messages are propelling us forward, keeping us stationery or even worse moving us backwards. How do we make sure we are listening to truth and silencing the lies?

Step 1 - Take inventory of what's on your playlists.

Is it truth? Are they lies (they may be subtle)? Pay close attention. What voices do you hear? What are they saying? Identify the negative messages. Search for the truth. Ask yourself who's influencing my playlists? Can the messages be trusted?

Step 2 - Download new music.

Find your truth. If it's not on your playlists now - decide what is true and healthy and what will motivate you towards the positive. Put it on the list. What voices do you still need to hear from? Which voice on your playlist is the most important? Know what your good and true voice (yes, you do have one) is saying - listen closely for it. If you need to ask a trusted friend for some "fresh" music, do it. Once you have found your truth - it's on to step 3.

Step 3 – What’s your truth? Play it over and over again! Give it the airtime it needs. Make sure to learn these lyrics.

Write it down on a post it or 3x5 index card. Make a collage or vision board that highlights this truth. Plaster it everywhere - the bathroom mirror, your bedside table, your dashboard, your desktop. Make it known. Is it a quote? A poem? A song? Is it your truth - will it help you thrive? Ask a trusted friend or coach to help reinforce it. Keep giving it airtime. Send yourself an email/text message with that truth for your life daily. There are many ways to reinforce the good and truthful message. Make sure your playlist is loaded with truth.

Step 4 - Delete the old files.

Don't give the lies airtime. Silence them. Don't reinforce them by listening to them. Stop them in their tracks. When you hear them (and you will from time to time) - tell them to go play elsewhere. Tell them to get lost. Tell them they are useless to you. Tell them you've found your truth and you don't need them anymore. When they persist - call that trusted friend - ask for "truth" reinforcements.

Step 5 - Enjoy that peaceful, easy feeling.

Relish in the truth. Live by it. Be free.

Please note: Every once in a while a "virus" attacks or the old files mysteriously appear - if this happens - go back to step 1 and repeat.

Powerful Questions to Ponder:
What gets your airtime?
What messages are you sending yourself?
What lie are you listening to?
What truth do you want to live by?

Borrowing Worry?

2010-02-15T12:07:00.000-08:00

Phew. Last week came to a welcomed end. At 3pm on Friday, I laid down for a nap. 7.5 hours later, clinching the title of world champion napper, I woke up. Oh my! My mind knew I had had a stressful week, I guess my body did, too.

On my way to an email marketing seminar and a day of clinicals at the hospital on Wednesday, I had a little "moment" talking to my sister. I realized just how much worry I had borrowed:

Tuesday morning. Truck stuck in mud on way to clinicals. Call AAA and 2 hours late. Borrow a little worry - check.

Tuesday evening. Husband. News of another torn rotator cuff, argh - the same shoulder that had surgery 16 months ago. Another surgery? Job uncertainty? Borrow lots of worry and some sadness - check.

94 year-old Granddad, 90% heart blockage, headed to Europe for his 3rd cruise in 2 years. Go Granddad, go heart. Granddaddy, please be safe. Borrow adequate amount of worry with a little hope - check.

Sister. Her husband deployed to Iraq for a year. Borrow decent amount of worry - check.

Nursing Care Plan to write and implement - 20-hour project. Must get enough data in short time allotted while caring for patients. Borrow just the right amount of worry - check.

First test of the semester. Those who have gone before us encourage us to set our expectations at failure. Studied beaucoup hours, 40 pages of handwritten notes. Borrow way more worry than my fair share - check.

Weight of all the worry. Not enough downtime. Rush, rush, rush all week. Still rushing. Can't afford tears at the moment. Must hold it together. I'll take a minor meltdown for $400, Alex. Cry a little, pray a little, love a little upon my sissy, who's going through enough stress of her own. Check.

I get to the seminar about 45 minutes early. I am hoping to study. Too tired. Too drained. Must muster up my networking savvy. I ask myself, "What's the best use of this time?" "Studying? No." In the hotel lobby, when I see those little packets of calm, I know instantly. A cup of tea, a moment of silence and, "Voila!" - peace came.

The cup of tea was this lovely blend of mint and tarragon leaves. It's name was rejuvenation. It was made just for me and my borrowed worry moment. I sat down in a big comfy chair. The cup warming my hands. The steam invading my soul. Ahhh....

It only takes 5 minutes and the benefits are numerous. Sipping tea slows you down. The tea itself can have calming effects. There are even health benefits - the research proves it.

So, I dare you. The next time you are borrowing more than your share of worry, grab your favorite mug and sit down to a cup of tea.

Relaxed,
Cindy

The world is all gates, all opportunities, strings of tension waiting to be struck. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

2010-02-01T15:53:00.001-08:00

Some days when I sit down to write one of these Truth or Dares nothing comes. Like I've told you before, I keep my Truth or Dare radar up throughout the week. My radar has been up and running but nothing has made it go - ding, ding, ding. There were some definite maybes but nothing materialized. I hope my radar's not broken. I was even to suppose to write this on Friday but decided to wait until today hoping that something would show up. Nothing. Here I sit. Waiting.

I even searched through my book files hoping one of the pieces that's waiting to be finished would say, "Pick me. Pick me!" I'm still waiting.

Well, why don't I write on that subject? That's something I should have a PhD in by now. I've even read books on the subject. I'm not talking about the every day kind-of-waiting like waiting in line or waiting for a table at your favorite restaurant. I'm talking about the LONGing-kind-of-waiting (emphasis on long). In my 30's, I would have told you that I was the queen of waiting. Waiting for my husband - Hello! Where is he already? When I was 29 and still not married, my grandmother would tell me that I had always wanted to be married and have lots of kids ;) She'd tell me regularly, "Cindy, it's just the way God made you. Those desires have been strong in your heart from the very beginning. I remember when you were a little girl you would tell me all about it." I even have written proof. I have this book - it's a Dr. Suess book - it's called The Book About Me that I colored when I was in first grade. I believe way back then when I knew who I was and what I was supposed to do (first graders are like that) - you know, the way God made me - I wrote that I wanted to be a mother, teacher and artist when I grew up. I waited until a week before I turned 42 to get married. On this side of marriage, I can say it was definitely worth the wait. Right, Bradford?

Well, I've been a teacher all my life (my classroom is not very traditional) and I get to use my creativity daily - so NOW, I'm just waiting for our kids to arrive on the scene.

Like many of you, who have done your own share of waiting, there are some days I wait with a good dose of hope, faith and thrilled expectancy. Other waiting days are not so good. We won't discuss those days in detail - let's just say, "It's not pretty." On those days when my faith lives in shallow end of the pool and my hope goes behind the clouds, it's really hard to wait.

Are you waiting for something? I happen to know personally from a few of you, that you are indeed champions of the waiting game. You are waiting right now. Some of you are waiting on jobs to come your way, and some of you are waiting on retirement. Some of you are waiting to be married and some of you are waiting on the kids to leave the nest. Did you notice that I called you champions? I call you champions because you have not yet given up. You have persevered. You have kept the faith even when your hope seemed to dip behind the clouds (why must it do that?).

Please know that I don't speak about this "waiting" thing lightly. I know it my heart of hearts how hard it can be. For those of you who are waiting, I hope you'll find some comfort in the fact that you are not alone. I've learned a few insights about waiting in my 44 years that I'd love to share with you today:

1) Waiting is something we all do at some point along our journey.
2) We are not alone in our waiting, REALLY there are others.
3) Waiting for us is different than anyone else who has ever waited (even if they waited/are waiting for the same thing).
4) In waiting, there are good days and there are bad days.
5) It's good to have a close friend (maybe even 2 close friends, in case of voicemail) to call upon when the waiting gets tough.
6) While waiting, it's good to focus on what we have instead of focusing on what we don't have.
7) For some perspective, it helps to ask what will the need/desire meet when it finally arrives? Then, ask yourself how is that need/desire being met with what I already have right now? Is there a way to meet it with what I have now? Unfortunately, sometimes the answer is no. But sometimes, most times, there is a yes to that question, if you think creatively.
8) When the waiting seems overwhelming, sleep helps.
9) Hugs help waiting souls.
10) How we wait is important to our character building - waiting can make us stronger, more compassionate and wise.

Well, I could talk about this subject for hours but I bet you are waiting for this post to be done.

I dare you to share your waiting with a trusted friend this week. Ask them to be on your team in your waiting game. May we all stand strong together as we wait!

Waiting well today,
Cindy

P.S. My Truth or Dare radar wasn't broken, I just had to wait ;)

She's just braggin'...

2010-01-22T09:45:00.000-08:00

Meet Rachel. Meet Chariot.

Lifetime guarantees, loyalty and life lessons - galore!

Rachel is a gift...an inspiration...a wise sage. What does she have to teach us?

This is what she breathed into me:

Be loyal. Take care of your stuff. Life is an adventure. Confidence and boldness can be a good thing. An independent spirit will take you far down the road you want to go...

There's so much to take in from this story about Rachel and her chariot. Please let me know what Rachel has inspired in you.

Big Smiles,
Cindy

P.S. Please keep the people of Haiti in your heart...Miracles are still happening!

Need a smile? Here's one to warm your heart...

2010-01-15T13:57:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you but my inbox has been inundated with really cool lists to live by in the New Year. How's a girl to choose? Which list should I ascribe to? Should I make up my own list? I'm a wise girl...I could come up with one of these lists on my own, couldn't I?

Then, I read Christine's list and thought - ahhh...Christine's got soul and I like her list. It's almost like she has a window into my heart. So here's her list - plain and simple. My only question is why 38?

http://tiny.cc/truemaverick

I'm a big fan of the "one thing" rule. On Christine's true maverick list, what's one thing would you be willing to commit to live by in 2010?

I've got some pondering to do. Of course, as I'm sizing up the list, I'm thinking I really like the idea of going complaint-free - but how on earth could I do that one? Another that one stands out to me but it seems oh-so-hard: Refuse to collude, gossip or talk about people. Then, my inner life coach pipes in and says...you could do that for a day, couldn't you? I answer shyly, "Prolly." Can you believe I'm admitting to you that I have conversations with my inner life coach? Before this moment, I didn't even know I had an inner life coach - Oh my. Okay, just choose one. Just for today...maybe you'll see the benefits and choose to live by it for the year. Maybe it will be too hard and you'll choose another. The point is = give it a try. I dare you to choose one thing, just for today and then if you choose, choose another just for tomorrow. "Choose" being the operative word in that sentence - lol!

Let me know what you think about the list. Let me know if you get all wild and crazy and create your own list. If you do, send it my way.

Contemplating,
Cindy

P.S. Did this resonate with you? If so, please forward it to 5 of your girlfriends or post it to facebook.

This Moment - NOW!

2010-01-07T17:04:00.000-08:00

"Forever is composed of nows."

~ Emily Dickinson

I am all about being connected to those who are in my presence. I love people. Being engaged and present has always been a strength of mine, at least that's what my friends say. So, why do I have this need to hit the reboot button and make being present to the moment my New Year's intention for 2010?

So often, our ever-advancing world of technology steals us away from the present. If you have a smart phone, you know what I'm talking about. Facebook and email come and get me all the time (ding dong, ding dong). Brad says I'm a "bit" ADD at times. I'm sure he's right (he is a psychologist, you know). How often do we let our cell phones, emails or text messages steal "present" moments away from us?

In addition to our instant technology keeping us ever-present to it, as women, we are multi-taskers by nature. I revel at my friend, Lara, who can clean her home and watch her kids all the while she's talking to me on the phone. I may multi-task well but I can't talk, listen and do chores at the same time.

If I'm honest with myself, it's not all my iPhone's fault or the fact that I've been raised as a multi-tasking woman. My thoughts often distract me from the present moment, too.

Things that distract me from being present to the moment:

· Email and Facebook

· My sometimes thoughts of being less than or the converse of being too much - oh the dichotomy.

· Borrowing worry

· My ever-increasing to-do list

I need to be present to the moment. I long for the simplicity of it. Mother Teresa practiced being present, why can't I? I know I get the irony. She's been quoted, "I believe in person to person...that person is the one person in the world at that moment".

In our oh-so-busy lives, when do we take the time to be truly present? We have so much going on each moment, so many places to be, and so many things to do. Being present is becoming increasingly more difficult.

Being present is a discipline of the mind and soul. It is something that takes practice and cultivation. Will you join me in the practice of being present. I dare you to BE PRESENT for fifteen minutes each day over the next week. Be intentional and choose these times before they happen.

Live Free,

Cindy

Powerful Questions to Ponder:

What does "being present" mean to you?

What can you do to cultivate the practice of being present into your life?

What keeps you from being present to the moment?

What's on your list of things that distract you from being present?

Where would you like to be more "present" this week?

A Life That Matters

2009-12-30T13:21:00.000-08:00

Living a life that matters is fundamental for me. It's what I do. It's been my life's work thus far. I help others live a life that matters. When I think about what's important to me - it's just that. I've never really stated it this way before today but it's true. Looking back over the past 15 years, whether I was teaching my kids at St. James UMC about oreo cookies and being the light in the darkness, or I was fighting for the truth in the life of one of my drug-addicted homeless friends in San Francisco - the message has been the same - live a life that matters.

As I ponder resolutions and intentions for the New Year, it is my hope that you will make your life matter. Make it matter to you. Make it matter to me. Make it matter to your family, your friends, your community - shoot, let's make it matter to the world, too. I'm not just saying this, "I mean it!" I believe it's my job on this earth (i.e. my purpose) to help us discover the life that matters and what's even more important than that - helping us find ways to live that life! This job fulfills me - coincidentally, it makes my life matter. Isn't it funny how that works?

So, as you think about your intentions for 2010 - think about what matters to you. Let that inform your dreams, your goals, and your actions.

Once we discover the life that matters to us, it's important to live it. It's in this that we become free. It's in living the life that matters that we live out our purpose. It's where we thrive.

What matters to me:
Growing
Speaking the truth
Being authentic
Being engaged and present
Having fun
Loving well
Being loved
Nurturing others

That's it in a nutshell - pure and simple. When I'm intentional about living the life that matters to me - these elements are present. When I live in this space, life is abundant.

So, what matters to you? How will it inform your New Year's intentions? Email me and let me know what matters to you - cindy@lessdrama.com

Looking Forward,
Cindy

P.S.
If you believe one of your friends would benefit from this Truth or Dare, please feel free to forward it to them by clicking on the email button. Please always feel free to post this on Twitter or Facebook.

Merry Days!

2009-12-24T08:37:00.001-08:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

A Verry Merry 3 Minutes of Cheer

2009-12-19T07:45:00.000-08:00

Tis the season to spread cheer. Please take the next few minutes and enjoy!

http://tiny.cc/verymerry

It's simple: I dare you to share a little cheer with someone dear today.

Cheers,
Cindy

Have you ever been lost?

2009-12-19T07:41:00.000-08:00

So many thoughts are running through my mind as I write you today.

Last night, I headed south for a business women's networking event and as I drove I listened to a personal interview with Seth Godin, marketing guru extraordinaire. For those of you haven't heard of Seth, he blogs on marketing, respect, and the ways ideas spread. He's insightful and authentic. In the interview, he said that he writes about the things he notices. I immediately thought of you all because that's usually how I come up with our weekly Truth or Dares. I write on what I notice. I'm always on the look out for something that inspires me. This week, inspiration was a bit slow in coming. In case you hadn't noticed, it's Friday already =)

So, I'm at the networking event and *POW* - it arrived - a seemingly unusual message jumped off the page of a catalog. Immediately, I knew it was for us.

"We are never so lost that angels can't find us".

As I sat down to write this morning, my mind was blank. How could I incorporate this message? Nothing was coming, how frustrating is that? When my mind is empty of inspiration, one of the places I turn to is dictionary.com (I know, you're thinking word geek).

Lost (lawst, lost) - adjective
having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc. : lost children.

Angel (eyn-juhl) - noun
a messenger of God

Still nothing. Then, I asked Brad for help. He started firing questions at me.

What are angels? Messengers of God.
What's their message? Their message is often, "Fear not." They send us messages of hope, truth, protection, care, guidance, and future well-being.
Have you ever been lost? Yes.
How did you feel? unhinged, disconnected, alone, scared, confused, frustrated, panicked, unsettled.

It's so comforting to know that we are never so lost that angels can't find us. In this season of hustle and bustle, they can find us and usher us into the wonder. In our business affairs, they can find us and provide direction, hope and guidance for the future. In our relationships, they can find us and promote love, forgiveness and care.

So, the next time you are feeling lost, literally or figuratively, I dare you to rest in the knowledge that the angels will come and they will bring messages of deliverance.

Peace and Joy,
Cindy

P.S. I wish you all very Merry days! This is priceless:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKk9rv2hUfA

Looking for Wonder?

2009-12-04T22:54:00.000-08:00

For too many, the holiday season can be a time of stress, loneliness, obligation and/or harried-ness (if that’s even a word). I’m hoping for something more this season for each and every one of us. We don’t always have the power to change our circumstance, but I do believe with all my heart that we have the opportunity to frame our perspective. We can choose to be on the lookout for our own magic moments. I think it’s important to take a moment on the front-end and set our compass for this season.

I dare you to take 15 minutes out of your already hectic, multi-tasking day and decide what will be your “true north” this season. What feelings will you let guide you this season? What value will you set as a must-have? Will you let your “shoulds” trump your “desires”? What will you say “yes” to and conversely what will you need to say “no” to? What can you do to take care of yourself in the midst of the hustle and bustle? I dare you to be intentional and decide now what you need to experience the wonder and magic of this season.

Here’s some fun ideas from my girlfriends to spruce up your holiday:

*Devote one night each week to cherish the season with friends or family.

*Take a moment out of the hustle and bustle and take a seat on a mall bench to sip a cup of hot chocolate and watch the joy pour out of a young child on Santa’s lap.

*Choose a simple way you could give of yourself to someone less fortunate…who will you ask to join you in this cause?

*Host a Christmas card writing party for your closest girlfriends.

*Go car-caroling (grab your family/friends and roll down the windows – sing out into the night and spread cheer throughout your neighborhood – lol).

*Host a spontaneous holiday movie night (Elf, Miracle on 34^th Street, It’s a Wonderful Life, Rudolph, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas…).

*Light candles and say a prayer of hope.

*Make a holiday playlist for your workouts.

I want to hear about your magic moments you find along the way. Please post your experiences, ideas and plans for a “Less Drama, More Wonder” Season.

Looking for the Wonder…Cindy

indy

It's been proven...Dreams are not impossible!

2009-11-17T14:19:00.000-08:00

Wise words shared by some wise women (Denise and Alisha) in my life this week...
"You can get through a difficult situation, if it's the right thing to do."
"Breaking through is hard. Hoping for something more, something better and working like crazy in that direction...it doesn't come easy, going after something better."

3 tests in one day, 5 hours of "busy work" homework, one presentation, clients, a welcomed-out-of-town guest, and an 18 page researched care-plan due plus life...that's what was on my plate this past week. I cite this list, not for pity's sake, but as a reminder to myself to keep perspective.

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed last Thursday when I had 2 conversations that put my perspective back in place. These conversations with dear people (that are having some real life challenges thrown their way) made my heart take a step back and decide to leave it's woe-is-me moments behind and choose gratefulness. It is the season.

I'm thankful to be at the end of my second semester of nursing school - with only 2 semesters left. I'm thankful to own a business that gives meaning to life and has great potential. I'm thankful to have a super, supportive husband and family...and I can't forget to be thankful for my oh-so-amazing rock-star girlfriends. I'm so grateful!

This article posted by one of my girls on facebook really gave me a grateful heart and a new perspective (not to mention brought tears to my eyes). "WOW", this woman gives new meaning to triumph.

www.tiny.cc/triumphantdreamer

What dreams do you have that seem impossible? That's not a rhetorical question. I dare you to take a moment to answer it.

As the author says, "Any time anyone tells you that a dream is impossible, any time you're discouraged by impossible challenges, just mutter this mantra: Tererai Trent." Thank you Tererai Trent for giving us perspective. Thank you for giving us hope.

Grateful,
Cindy

P.S. I couldn't resist this picture of Thanksgiving. Everyone loves Big Bird, right?

cindy@lessdrama.com
www.lessdramaqueens.com

Do we get what we ask for?

2009-11-05T08:09:00.000-08:00

What little girl doesn't want a pony? I know I did. After reading books like the Black Stallion and Misty of Chincoteague in 3rd grade, I longed for a pony. Guess what? My parents didn't have the money to buy me a pony and there weren't really any stables close to my home in Miami, so I settled for toy horses. In retrospect, they are so much work anyway =) I know my friends, Brittanie and Alley can attest to that =)

Here's a short commercial I'd love for you to watch (please forgive me in advance for supporting the cause of "the Man" by passing along one of his advertisements):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qb0vquRcys

It's classic. That little girl didn't even know she could ask for the real deal. Are you asking for the real deal? Are you asking for what you want? Sometimes, I wonder if I know what I really want. Sometimes, I know and I just don't ask. Sometimes we need to take a step back and get some perspective. I dare us to just that. Take a moment and ask yourself:

What do I really want? Am I asking for it? Am I willing and ready to ask for the real deal?

Pondering,
Cindy

cindy@lessdrama.com
www.lessdramaqueens.com

The Power of Girlfriends - Who's in Your Room?

2009-10-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

I love when one of you sends me an idea for our Truth or Dare. Kate sent me this one a couple of weeks ago. Thanks Kate!

This will be a fun little exercise to highlight the power of girlfriends...
I'm gonna ask you to tell the truth.

So the "truth" this week is to choose 12 women (who have touched your life). They don't need to be in the same town or even the same country. Take some time to ponder who you would ask to join you if given the opportunity and then jot down their names on a piece of paper.

Think on this: If this unique and special group of women were ever to be in one room together, there is nothing that would be impossible. Imagine the possibilities. What would you do? What problem would you like to solve? What gift to the community could you envision? The opportunities would be endless.

Here's the quote that was attached to the email Kate sent. I liked it, so I included it.

"May today there be peace within you. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

Who did you choose? Do you want to let them know they were chosen? If so, I dare you to forward this onto them with a little note of thanks and wonder.

Yours,
Cindy

P.S. Kate - you are definitely one of my 12 =)

cindy@lessdrama.com
www.lessdramaqueens.com

Rx = Laughter

2009-10-23T10:29:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with one of my best girlfriends. It was so good for the soul - we got to LOL (not quite "my side hurts" kind of laughter but definitely the tears were flowing-belly laugh kind). I needed that. I think we both did.

Earlier this week, I read a great blog on the benefits of laughter (physically, spiritually, and emotionally). I dare you to take time to read this fun blog entry:

www.tiny.cc/bellylaughs

I double dare you to be on the lookout for some belly laugh moments this weekend. Laughter is such good medicine for whatever ails us.
I'm so thankful that my family laughs well together =)

On the lookout for laughter,
Cindy

What's on your happy list?

2009-10-15T08:32:00.000-07:00

More time, more joy. Want some? What's on your happy list? What can make you feel happier and takes less than 30 minutes? Please take 3 minutes to read this article:

www.tiny.cc/happylist

It's simple. I dare you to do one of these things on the list this week and report back to me via email - did it work?

I double dare you to come up with your own happy list of 3 simple things that energize you or give you joy that don't cost more than $5 or take more than 30 minutes to do. If you're up for it, send me your "happy list". I'd love to compile "our" happy list and post it.

First thing on my list is picking fresh flowers:

Building a happy list,
Cindy

Inside OUT!

2009-10-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

Simply daring you to remember...It's what's on the inside that counts!

This 1 minute video makes an impression:
http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/home_films_evolution_v2.swf

Enjoy these beauty tips from humorist Sam Levenson
(they were a favorite of Audrey Hepburn and she often quoted them):
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows.

And the beauty of a woman, with passing years only grows!

You are a treasure!

Behold your beauty,
Cindy

cindy@lessdrama.com
www.lessdramaqueens.com

Put "fun" on your to-do list today!

2009-09-29T17:54:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you're like me, but when I hear the words "stress reduction" my ears perk up. Stress reduction - I ask you, "Who doesn't need that in their life???" I know I do. I read about a stress reduction technique that coaches often use in my nursing text today.

After getting off the telephone with one of my clients, I was doing some homework and came across these words. They struck a chord with me because my client had just been asking me if she was taking on too much and as every good life coach is taught, I answered her question with a question. "Of all that you are doing, what gives you life?"

So, here's what I read:

"The next step is restructuring and setting priorities, which involves shifting the balance from stress-producing to stress-reducing activities. A recent study indicated that the daily occurrence of pleasant events had a positive effect on the immune system. In fact, adding pleasurable events has more benefit than simply reducing stressful or negative ones (CBS Health Watch, 2000).

Essentially, learn to replace time-consuming chores that are not really necessary with activities that are pleasurable or interesting. Making time for recreation is as essential for healthy living as is paying bills or shopping for groceries."

Did you read that? I'll say it again for effect, "Making time for fun is as important for healthy living as paying bills and shopping for groceries." The daily occurrence of pleasant events has a positive effect on our immune system. Wow - that's good news for those of us who love to have fun and want to live healthy lives, don't you think?

I dare you to make time for fun this week! Put it on your to-do list if you're all about healthy living.

Planning for fun,
Cindy

P.S. I can't believe I'm quoting my textbooks - what has my world come to?

Varcarolis, Elizabeth M., Verna Benner Carson, and Nancy Shoemaker. Foundations of Psychiatric Mental Health Nursing A Clinical Approach. Philadelphia: Saunders, 2006. Print.

Take a little picnic away...

2009-09-29T17:02:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a crazy busy week here in my little world. So many men...so little time (just kidding - do you remember that song from the 80's?). It's actually a case of so much to do...so little time.

Conversely, last Wednesday, Brad and I had the opportunity to drive up to King's Canyon and had a day in the mountains...a day sitting by the river. Can you hear the late summer not-so-in-a-rush water flowing over the rocks? Can you see the sun peaking out from behind the clouds forming over the mountain? Can feel the breeze gently chilling you as it passes by? Ahhh...how it soothes the soul. I got to take a long walk by myself. It reminded me of my high school days in New Hampshire. I would come home from school and take little hikes through the woods or meander down our secluded road...some days it would even be snowing. Oh, how I loved those walks. It was my way of getting away from it all. I walked, I dreamed, I contemplated, I processed. It was good.

Brad and I love to take day trips to the mountains or the coast. We love to cast ourselves into nature. If you're like us, funds are a bit tight right now but all it costs us for a day away is the gas to get there and back. Our little "picnics" away from it all allow us to dream and contemplate. It never fails on our drives to and fro (I've started bringing a hand-held recorder to capture these moments) - We dream. We create. We brainstorm. Good stuff happens. Visions are planted. New ways of thinking emerge. Energy flows.

The creative juices flow when we take the time to get away. I dare you to step away from the desk, the email, the cell phone, facebook, the rat race...I dare you to step away from it all every so often - be intentional. Get away for the day or even just for lunch - just make sure you take time to "get away". Let it flow...all that stuff that stays trapped on the treadmill of life. I dare you to plan your little picnic away. I dare you to put it on your calendar today.

Contemplating and implementing our brainstorms on our day away,
Cindy

P.S. I met this cat on facebook. He's a cat that's not daunted by stereo-types. He's sees what he wants and goes for it. I dare us to do the same.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UTdhK0lwuw

Chocolate is good for the heart...

2009-09-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

I am almost positive that chocolate is good for you and your heart. "They" tell me dark chocolate's got anti-oxidants and those are good for you, right? Because I'm a girl who LOVES chocolate, I'm all over that kind of talk/research. It does my heart good.

Here's some of my own anecdotal evidence: The other day I was indulging in a piece of Dove dark chocolate and I got this little message in the wrapping - Dove calls it a promise message. The message said, "You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." That's deep (pun intended). It might even be profound if it helps just one of us discover our "new ocean".

Are you on the journey of discovery? Do you have the courage to lose sight of the shore? I dare you to join me in setting sail. I dare you to give it some thought. Get out your binoculars. I dare you to put your sails up and see where the winds will take you. What do you need to leave on shore? What thoughts aren't invited for the sail? What ocean are you exploring?

Out discovering,

Cindy

What's on your list?

2009-09-02T16:18:00.000-07:00

I have this special friend named Cindy Mitchell. That was my maiden name not too long ago. I think it's cool to know someone with your own name. Call me silly that way.

Cindy Mitchell's son, Robert, has inspired me this week. He's baking 21 desserts to share with others (you should have seen the pile of 149 yummy chocolate chip cookies - the picture made my mouth water). Robert Mitchell turned 21 this year, but since he has uncontrolled epilepsy, he knew that he wouldn't be able to do the things that most 21-year-olds do. So he created a list of 21 things that he wanted to accomplish before he turns 22. He calls it his "21 list". Robert is intentional. Robert wants to a live life to the fullest and he's doing it at 21. How's that for inspiring?

Read about his date with 21 girls - WOW!
www.tiny.cc/datewith21girls

Whatever your age, whenever your birthday - I dare you to celebrate life. What do you want to do this year to celebrate YOU? What will you do this week to celebrate your life? What's the one thing you've been wanting to do? Make plans to do it. Make it your goal to make it happen. Take one step closer. Just celebrate YOU.

Celebrating,
The other Cindy Mitchell =) (aka Cindy Steele)

Have you ever had that "less than" feeling?

2009-08-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

I love to talk and write about the power of girlfriends. We have so much to give and receive from each other. You've heard me say, "Girlfriends rock".

Yet, there's a power our girlfriends hold that at times may have a negative impact upon us. It's something that we don't talk about often and on some level it's a factor that's been added to the mix by our culture.

A vital step in our growth process is the healing that comes along the way. In growth, we we get to be honest with ourselves. So today, I want to touch upon something I think we can all relate to - something that if we're honest, we've all been there and done that. I speak from experience.

SOMETIMES women compare and compete with each other. I'm sure we could agree that comparing and competing leaves us with feelings of angst. We feel like the odd girl out. We don't fit in. We feel less than and lacking (just plain inadequate)...I'm not pretty enough. Smart enough. Confident enough. Old enough. Young enough. Skinny enough. Bold enough. Spiritual enough. Out-going enough.   Friendly enough. I don't have enough money. I don't have the right clothes. I don't have this...I don't have that. She's got a boyfriend...I don't. She's got a husband and kids, how come I don't? She's single, foot-loose and fancy-free...I'm not. You've got the idea.

I realize that's a bit extreme and maybe even exaggerated but I need to make my point. I need to call the darkness into the light. It's the darkness that lives deep within the crevices of our hearts. It was put there way back when. If it didn't happen on the jungle gym in preschool or the playgrounds of elementary school, then it definitely got planted there in the hallways of middle school. It's yuck. It's what each of us as women carry around with us, some own a little of that darkness, others have stock in it. Most of us thought we threw away the combination to the locker that holds this ugliness in jr. high.

I think each of us still carries it with us to varying degrees. Some of us, "let" it out in large crowds of women, others might notice it amongst best friends. All I know is it's time to talk about it. It's time to admit it, renounce it, release it and be healed. It's time to support each other and help each other live in the truth. With all the self-work I've done, I would have thought that this part of me got healed. Yet, upon careful examination, I've realized that these wounds that have their root in my neighborhood of girlfriends growing up are still there and show their "less than" head in certain situations amongst women. I must gratefully say that I have an incredible group of girlfriends that reinforce the truth that I am a treasure and I have something to give. But yet, I've noticed every so often I sense that "less than" feeling. I don't like it. It goes against who I am and what I value. Yet, it's there. So I'm calling it into the light. I dare you to join me in calling out this feeling within us.

It's something we all do. Let's dare to begin a journey as women united together to stamp out this thing we'll call "less than". I use to be the director of a transitional house of women in recovery from substance abuse and homelessness. Most of you have heard that the first step to recovery is to admit that we are powerless over the problem. Take this week and become aware. Dare to admit we have a problem. Choose to talk about it with safe girlfriends or just take note of if and when you feel this way.

If you want to join my new cause (stamping out feelings of less than), email me or if you dare, post this to facebook (there's a button below). Let me know what you think. I love receiving feedback. I'd love to hear from you and join forces - who knows where this cause will take us. It's not something we can heal overnight. I will continue to speak about the incredible value of girlfriends and you can bet at my next workshop, I'll be addressing this topic.

Learning to live in the light,
Cindy

This summer I...

2009-08-11T15:02:00.000-07:00

If you know me, you know I'm all about the learning curve - well, actually all about the learning - we could send the steep curve packing as far as I'm concerned.

Growing is vital. It keeps us alive, literally and figuratively. Once again, I was on facebook - NO I'm not on it ALL the time - and read a really great status update. Mi amiga, Allyson, wrote this:

Ok, here's SOME of what I learned this summer: Bright orange vans are great fun, even when no longer so bright. Prayer on a soccer field before Bible school can lead to cool things. If you jump out of a van in motion you are likely to face plant. (thanks, Tim, for that one.) I might have a Quaker soul. I should not laugh very much or very hard with ANYTHING in my bladder. I know a lot of brave hearts.

Allyson and Brent are warm and welcoming people. They run a missions camp in Ensenada, Mexico. Allyson is the kinda friend I don't get to see often enough but every time we are together we laugh out loud (note her note on what she's learned this summer), we cry (mostly from laughing so hard), and we share from the deep wells of our hearts. She is one of my most FUN friends.

I love that she took the time to notice what she learned this summer. She took the time to mark it down, to set a stake in the ground and then she shared it, "I learned this..." She is intentional about growing. She desires it. I love that lady!

Then, the inevitable came as I read her status, "Oh, what did I learn this summer? Hmm...I'm thinking I did some learning of my own. I need to take note, so it gets properly catalogued in my brain and more importantly in my heart."

I dare you to take some time this week to contemplate what you've learned this summer. Seasons are a good time to recount, to take note and mark it down. Be honest with yourself. I dare you to share it with others. If you're on fb, I dare you to post what you learned this summer to your status update. If you're at a party or small gathering this weekend, I dare you to ask the question. Be prepared with an answer of your own =) I'm sure it will stimulate conversation and get people to pondering.

Check out my status update later today to find out what I learned or just email me - I'll send you my list.

Still learning,
Cindy

What are you asking for?

2009-08-06T11:09:00.000-07:00

So, Maxine is at it again. She's a bit edgy and some might say a lil' bit cranky but oh does she make me laugh in that silly place. Thanks Dawn for sending me her living will =)

Maxine's Living Will

"I, Maxine, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of politicians who couldn't pass ninth grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

glass of wine, chocolate, margarita, sex, martini, cold beer, chocolate, french fries, pizza, chocolate, sex, ice cream, cup of tea, chocolate, chocolate, sex, chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate.

It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, let the 'fat lady sing,' and call it a day!"

So, it's time to tell the truth. What are you asking for? What's on your list of the must haves in this life? I think this list might be tell-tale of what's really important to us. I dare you to think beyond chocolate and wine (I can't believe I just said that =).

I'm thinking about what's on my list as I send this out. There are some definite must haves - and then there are some things that I wish were on the must have list instead of the must do list (like my workout - that's a must do that I would like to have in my heart as a must have). Take 15 minutes this week and write out your must have's list. I dare you to be honest and tell the truth.

Livin' life,
Cindy

No more second helpings, please!

2009-07-30T08:45:00.000-07:00

The other day this facebook status stopped me in my tracks. It definitely struck a note. I immediately commented, "WHO wrote this quote?". My friend, Ashey Smith, told me it was more of a "note to self" but she decided to share it with her facebook world. I'm so glad she did - because now I get to share it with you.

"Don't spend one more second feeding your doubts, fears and insecurities. Spend that precious and valuable energy living your purpose with uninhibited passion"

That elicits an "OH MY" from me. How much time do I waste feeding my doubts, fear and insecurities? I've done a bunch of healing in this realm but more recently, I've noticed that since I'm living in this new and exciting frontier of speaking engagements and writing a book, I'm spending more time at this not so nourishing feeding trough.

My "note to self" that I dare to share with you:

Doubts, fears, and insecurities are normal. Let's recognize them for what they are. Let's be aware of them. But as soon as you notice your feeding from that trough - redirect yourself. It's time to feed from the truth. It's time to be nourished in the thoughts that I am a treasure. God is my teacher. I am learning. I am stepping out in faith. I am trusting myself and those who have been placed in my path. I am living out my purpose with uninhibited passion.

I share this with you from my heart, not to receive reassurance but to receive community. I believe that when we are honest and true with each other in the good, the bad and the ugly - a good work takes place and we are known more fully amongst each other.

I dare you to feed from the trough of goodness and truth. Put your doubts on a diet today. Live out your life with uninhibited passion - woohoo!

Truthfully yours,
Cindy

R U working together?

2009-07-16T06:56:00.000-07:00

Teamwork: Simply stated, it is less me and more we. Author Unknown

I dare you to take 6 minutes (it will be worth it) and watch this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjbpwlqp5Qw

What's been on your to-do list FORseeminglyEVER? How could you elicit some help from your "team" to make it happen? If you need some help getting your creative juices flowing, let me know. "We" is a great resource. I dare you to use it.

Join me in thinking outside the box,
Cindy

P.S. I love the rain!

Live Free or Die

2009-07-01T19:45:00.000-07:00

"Live Free or Die" is New Hampshire's state motto. I used to live there a long time ago and embraced this motto as my own. Indeed, when I turned 40, I declared my forties, my decade of freedom. So far, I'm living up to it. My heart longs for each of us to experience freedom - freedom to give, freedom to receive, freedom to be ourselves, freedom to live, freedom to thrive, freedom from fears, freedom to create, financial freedom...the list goes on.

Patrick Henry (one of our country's forefathers) spoke these famed words on March 23, 1775 to the House of Burgesses (the legislative body of the Virginia colony), "Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"

Have you heard about a girl named Neda this week? Her name means "voice" in Farsi. She was a student heartlessly killed by a sniper on a rooftop in Tehran this past Saturday. So sad, so tragic. She had just come from singing lessons - something women in Iran are prohibited from doing in public. This week, she has become the voice of freedom for those who suffer oppression throughout the world. Social media has memorialized her:
http://tiny.cc/voiceoffreedom

I dare us to choose to live free as we remember all of those who have gone before us in the name of freedom. I dare us to release the ties that bind us - that keep us from moving forward. What's one step you can take this week toward realizing your own freedom? What thoughts ruminate around in your head that keep you bound? Is it time to replace those lies with the truth? The truth will set you free.

I thank Neda for her courage. I pray for her family and country as they mourn and fight for the freedoms we take for granted every day.

Striving to live free,
Cindy

My Very Own "Oops"

2009-06-17T21:52:00.000-07:00

I was working on a very fun project yesterday on the computer (our Less Drama Girlfriends slideshow) and I hit the wrong button unknowingly and did it probably more than once. I lost over 3 hours of work. Ugh - not so fun - so maddening!

I must admit that I hate when I make mistakes like that. Actually, I'm not a big fan of making mistakes at all but I know it's part of life. I should go back and read that archived Truth or Dare on the perfect girl. For those of you who need to join me in reading it again (and for those who just joined us):

http://tiny.cc/perfectgirl

I should be more grace-filled with myself when mistakes happen. I speak about the importance of growing and that making mistakes is part of that process all the time. I must be a slow learner =) So for my sake, please indulge my contemplations on making mistakes:

1) If I make a mistake, it means I'm moving forward.
2) If I make a mistake, it means I'm taking risks.
3) If I make a mistake and I learn from it, it means I'm on the right path.
4) If I make a mistake, it means I'm human.

Carol Dweck, a researcher at Stanford (that means she's smart) says this:

"People who believe in the power of talent tend not to fulfill their potential because they're so concerned with looking smart and not making mistakes. But people who believe that talent can be developed are the ones who really push, stretch, confront their own mistakes and learn from them."

I have some of my very own "oops" stories to share with you some day soon but I've run out of time for today. For now, I'll just remind myself that I'm all about growing.

I dare you to be shower yourself with grace the next time you make an "oops"!

Moving Forward,
Cindy

Simply Said

2009-06-17T21:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was facilitating a group coaching call. It was a homework group for a coaching class on the process of creating a 5 year vision for yourself. My job was to ask lots of questions, similar actually to the questions I ask you all regularly:

What gives you life? How do you define the "simple life" for yourself? On a scale, from 1 to 10, if your relationships were at a 10, what would that look like for you?

Each of us was giving sincere answers to the questions. Then, one of the "students" on the call shared a personal story with us that gripped our hearts. All of sudden, we had been transported to what I like to call "holy ground". We had entered a sacred place. We each felt honored to be present. Although, none of us knew each other well, you could say we were colleagues but really we were mere acquaintances, until that moment when we experienced a true connection and became bonded.

You ask what brought us to that sacred place? I believe it was the willingness of that one participant. She was willing to be present. She was authentic. She chose well with whom she confided. She seized the moment.

I encourage you to be present in the small gatherings of life. I dare you to engage in authentic ways. Choose well those whom you share yourself with...but do choose to share yourself! I know it takes courage to put yourself out there - but the reward is there for the taking. I dare you to seize the moment!

Seizing moments,
Cindy

Who's Standing by YOU?

2009-05-28T09:53:00.000-07:00

I'm feel like sharing something light and fun today. NPR shared this great story back on May 4th - I hope it inspires you. I love serendipitous moments like the one producer Mark Johnson had one day in Santa Monica. Read the story from NPR below. Then take 5 minutes and watch the youtube video. It's good stuff!

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103715874

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM

It's time to tell the truth:
Who stands by you? Who do you stand by?

Standing Strong and Standing by YOU,
Cindy

Who's In Your Court?

2009-05-28T09:50:00.000-07:00

I was having lunch with my friend Suzi (www.suziqcosmetics.com) yesterday and we got to talking about the power of girlfriends - imagine that. Girlfriends just seem to meet needs that no one else can meet for us.  Girlfriends just get us! As many of you know, I've been blessed with an abundance of steadfast, beautiful, strong-hearted girlfriends along my journey. I hope some of you happen to be reading this right now.

The Power of Girlfriends is one of the 5 gems that will stand as a foundation for my book. I believe that if we are going to make significant, positive changes in our lives and the lives of others, we need to be intentional. We need to be intentional about who we spend time with and who we invest in as girlfriends. I think it's vitally important for us to have these ladies in our court - at least one of each - especially, if we want to become queens of less drama.

Your"Queen Mama" goes before you. She's "been there and done that". She's in the next season of life. She listens to you with all her heart. She holds you up when you feel like falling. She celebrates you when you succeed. She believes in you when you don't believe in yourself. She helps you see your mistakes gently (firmly when needed) and she helps you learn from them. She holds you accountable. She highlights your strengths and forgives you your weaknesses. She points to the truth (even when it hurts). She provides wisdom when you ask for it. She shares her journey with you. She gives you perspective. She reminds you "this too shall pass".

Thank you to Vickie, Miss Virginia, Joanne, Debby and Donna for being the Queen Mamas in my life.

Your"Lady-In-Waiting" is a noble companion. That's what they were called in Queen Elizabeth's time. I love my noble companions - Ashley, Lara, Lauri, Kerstin and Kate. Our lady-in-waiting is in the "same boat we are in". We listen to each other. We can carry on parallel conversations at the same time and not miss a beat. We keep up with each other. We learn from each other. We cry with each other and oh do we laugh (belly laughs) with each other. We celebrate each other. We have fun together. We listen to each other's rants. We talk each other down off the ledge. We know each other inside and out AND STILL love each other.

Your "Princess" comes along behind you. She asks you for help. She lets you hold her tight. She challenges you. You GET to love her well. You get to celebrate her. She inspires you. She teaches you that you really do have something to give. She helps you to keep it real and she knows you've got your own shortcomings. She looks up to you. She trusts you.   She gets to learn from your mistakes (lucky her). She laughs with you. She reminds you that you're not crazy and you get to do the same for her.

Julie, Wynter, Alisha, Allison, Amy and Laura - thank you for letting me be your "Queen Mama"!

Do you have a Queen Mama, a Lady-In-Waiting and a Princess in your court? Who are they? Do they mean the world to you? Do you need a Queen Mama, a Lady-In-Waiting or a Princess? Think about the women that have been placed in your life. Could you cultivate one of these friendships? If you're in need, be on the look-out. Be intentional. See who comes along your way that might just fit the bill.

The beauty in these friendships is that they reinforce one of the values that I hold dear - the value of reciprocity - they allow us to give and receive. Yay for girlfriends!

Yay for you,
Cindy

Move over "perfect girl"!

2009-05-05T11:55:00.000-07:00

Have you encountered your inner perfect girl lately? Is she getting in the way of your success? I'm wondering if "perfect girl" is a case of nature vs. nurture. Were we born with her or is she just one of those "friends" we've brought along with us from the "old neighborhood"?

I want you to read this blog entry from Back In Skinny Jeans. I think it speaks to us all:

http://www.backinskinnyjeans.com/2009/04/best-of-bisj-8-ways-perfect-girl-can-hold-you-back.html

Where do you need to tell "perfect girl" to get out of your way? I dare you to tell her to move over or move out today. Who is your true self?

I dare you to take 15 minutes sometime this week (preferably in the next day or two) to write a paragraph on your true self. Describe who you are today...Who are you becoming? What are you about? What do you value? What do you want to accomplish? What's important to you? 15 minutes - that's all you need. Take the first 5 minutes to settle in quietly and then reacquaint your self to your TRUE self.

Self meet True Self.

Cindy

I can't decide!

2009-04-28T13:39:00.000-07:00

Do you ever get overwhelmed by all the decisions you have to make? Would you be willing to let total strangers make some of those decisions for you?

Please read this fun article. It will be a pleasurable diversion from all those decisions that are waiting/weighting upon you?

http://www.theweek.com/article/index/92141/The_last_word_Im_no_decider

This is quite the dare. Would you be daring enough to try this "random act of indecision" social experiment? I'm not sure I'm am, but, with enough of you on board I might be swayed. We could pick a date to let others make our decisions - it might be kind of fun. Let me know what you think.

Looking Forward,

Cindy

P.S. I would never have trouble picking out a dozen donuts. I know exactly what I would get. I can envision it now - Krispy Kreme, here I come. Just kidding - I don't even know where the closest Krispy Kreme is (boohoo).

She dreamed a dream!

2009-04-17T23:02:00.000-07:00

Susan Boyle is everywhere I go this week. I found her on twitter. She's nearly 48. She lives with her cat. She's never been kissed. She's from a small "collection of villages". She has dreamed a dream...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

What a welcomed surprise! I "met" Susan earlier this week on twitter (thank you Perry -http://twitter.com/perrybelcher). Some of you might have already met her. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, I just had to introduce you. Brad said I should wait until next week (one truth or dare a week, right?). I couldn't wait any longer when I saw her on CNN this evening. She's glorious. So unassuming...so in your face in such a gentle way. Unexpectedly, she "screams" GO FOR IT. She makes my heart sing.

She reminds me not to judge a book by it's cover. My dare for you: Look underneath your "cover" to see what hidden gems are living deep within just waiting to be shared with others. For those who dare - Step out and share that gem just like Susan - it's never too late!

Be changed in these moments. Dream your dream. Make it happen!

Cindy

p.s. Want some more inspiration? Over 24,000,000 peeps have viewed her dream onwww.youtube.com. 4,000,000 while I was typing this Truth or Dare. WOW!

p.s.s. For more about Susan and her dream, please check out CNN.com. She's a headliner tonight.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/TV/04/16/susan.boyle.simon.cowell/index.html

Yet Another Interruption

2009-04-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about the gems that I'm writing about in my book that I hope to finish this summer. Right now, I'm committing to you all to have it done by Labor Day. I'm playing around with the title - "Contemplations of a Less Drama Queen",   "How to Increase Your Less Drama Factor", "Profile of a Less Drama Queen", "Little Gems to Live By...The Life of a Less Drama Queen", "Less Drama, More Freedom"...the list goes on!

My book is about the journey. It is centered on 5 life gems - communication, boundaries, growing, the power of girlfriends, and living the important life. I've been sharing some of my thoughts and insights along the way in this weekly truth or dare.

So today's installment touches on the topic of boundaries. Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. They help us let the good in and keep the bad out. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.

Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. If I know where my "yard" begins and ends, I am free to do with it what I like. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options.

So - with that said about boundaries - I read this statistic this morning in the magazine, PINK, "Interruptions consume 28 percent of the average workday." Source - Basex.

Interruptions are sometimes welcomed. Interruptions and distractions are sometimes needed but sometimes they keep us from being effective and getting what we really want.

I dare you to tell the truth:
Where do you need to set up a fence, door, gate, wall to keep the interruptions at bay?
What can you devote 2 hours of un-interrupted time to in the next week? Where do you want to curb your interruptions? Where can you eliminate interruptions?

All good questions to ponder - especially when you are trying to write a book =)

What will you do with the next 525,600 minutes?

2009-04-02T19:03:00.000-07:00

I might be a bit manic today. Can I tell you how much I love the song Seasons of Love from the musical RENT? I LOVE it! I just happened to hear the other day when I was finishing up my speaking gig with Women with Visions Unlimited (www.wwvu.org).

As I was perusing youtube (I don't really have that much time on my hands - I love distractions), I found it.

So many truth or dares to be had in just one song. It's amazing (kinda scary) to me how one's mind can hold onto so many different thoughts at one time. Ok...let's get on to the more important stuff. Please take time to listen to this video (type in Seasons of Love in the youtube window) - REALLY listen to the words. Let them soak in...

What words stood out to you? What thoughts ran through your mind? What truth needs to be told? What dares need to be dared?

Today's Truth or Dare is a do-it-yourself. Do one of your own or choose from one that came to my mind:

What will you do with the next 1440 minutes?

How do you measure your worth?

Take time to watch the sunset some time this week.

How often do you laugh? Do you need to laugh more?

When you wake up tomorrow ask yourself this question : "What do I want to get done before the sun sets today?"

How would I live my life differently - if I measured it in love?

Are there any bridges that need mending?

How will you measure your life?

How will you remember this coming year in the lives of your friends?

How can you celebrate today?

How do you measure time? How do you WANT to measure time?

Is it time to celebrate?

Which ever truth or dare you choose - Make it relevant. Be truthful. Be daring.

Measuring my life,

Cindy

Not-so-Random Act of Kindness

2009-03-24T14:29:00.001-07:00

So today, I was working with one of my coaching clients. We were talking about her strengths and how she could use one of her strengths to get something done that's important to her (although, she never seems to find the time to get it done). One of her strengths is kindness and generosity. She is always busy taking care of others and being oh-so-kind and overly generous with her time to others. So, I turned the tables a bit on her and and challenged her with this question:

How can you be kind and generous with yourself in regards to getting this done? "Hmmm...", she said.

It got me to thinking "How can I be kind and generous to myself this week? What random act of kindness do I need to shower upon myself?" and as that pondering always goes - I thought of you all - my truth or dare gals.

So here's the truth and the dare:

Ask yourself what not-so-random act of kindness will you shower upon yourself this week? Do it! Email me when you've done it.

Kindly,

Cindy

Girlfriends are the best...

2009-03-19T18:07:00.000-07:00

Best girlfriends are not easy to come by - they take time and investment of our energy. We must search them out. We must be open and vulnerable. We must take the time to invest in each other. We must listen. We must be available. One thing I've learned in the life (and I think you'd all agree with me) - they are worth it all!

They support us. They challenge us. They hold our secrets. They inspire us to be the best we can be. They trust us. They know us (inside and out). They extend grace (most of the time). They remind us we are sane (for the most part). They remind us of who we are (a treasure) and who we want to become. They give us hope. There is nothing better than being able to just be yourself in their presence. They are our comfort zone.

I've recently moved and miss having my girlfriends close in proximity. I miss the good girl time face-to-face. I've been on the search for a girlfriend or two in my new community. I know it will be worth the investment - but to tell the truth, I admit it takes energy that some days I don't think I have within me. Thank goodness, most of my girlfriends are just a phone call away. When I need some good girl time - I pick up the phone with a glass of wine in hand - it's a bit of a virtual experience but it's good and it's always good for my soul to reconnect and have that heart-to-heart. Just writing about those moments brings comfort in a world of new experiences.

I want to encourage you today - whether you have great girl time right in your own hood or if you're like me - it's a phone call away - MAKE TIME FOR GOOD GIRL TIME - we all need it. I believe girlfriends help sustain us. If you want some tips on how to build new friendships please be sure to email me, cindy@lessdrama.com. I'm thinking I've got some expertise in this area - I've made 5 significant moves in my adult life (from NH to FL to GA to CA). I also think I've got the best girlfriends in all the world (I might be a bit bias).

Please take 3 minutes and watch this youtube video. I want you to meet these "wise women" who get what it means to be a best friend - Bella and Tara know this instinctively. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFz-FMj-9Ps

Looking for some new girlfriends in the valley,

Cindy

A Powerful Noise

2009-03-09T08:26:00.000-07:00

March 5th was International Women's Day. "A Powerful Noise" was shown at theaters around the US with a panel discussion lead by Anne Curry.

Please check out the trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dv2UlrklRoE

As women, we have been given an incredible power within us. A power to heal, a power to inspire, and a power to overcome. I believe that it's important to use this gift for good and to help each other become empowered.

I dare you to tell the truth:

What power do you have?

Where does your power come from?

I dare you to join me in finding out where and when we can watch this film. If you had the opportunity to see it - let us know how it impacted you. Please check out their website:

www.apowerfulnoise.org

I've got the power - do you?,

Cindy

and THAT's the rest of the story

2009-03-02T09:19:00.000-08:00

Paul Harvey died on Saturday. That's a sad thing for those who loved to hear the "Rest of the Story" - but the good news is he's with his Angel (his wife's name) in heaven. Here's a sweet (and behind the scenes) article written about Mr. Harvey that I found on CNN this morning.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/03/02/greene.harvey/index.html

Paul Harvey was skilled in his craft of writing and telling "The Rest of the Story". As I read the article from his friend/colleague it got me to thinking...

What's the rest of my story? Do I have the power to write it? Clearly, some of the rest of my story is out of my control but I do have power over my attitude, my priorities, what's important, my choices, and my action.

What's the rest of your story?

So, the dare. I dare you to spend some time this week contemplating your life in terms of a Paul Harvey moment. Fill in the blank to "...and THAT'S the rest of the story."

What is the THAT? What will the rest of your story look like? How do you want to write it? What are the key elements that must be told? What do you envision? Will your dreams come true?

Take some time to picture it. Write it down, if it helps you. Draw it. Capture it in a collage. Just be sure to be participate in the REST of YOUR STORY. Make it the story you want it to be.

Contemplating the Rest of the Story,
Cindy

Dare to just BE...

2009-02-28T12:02:00.001-08:00

We are oh so very busy most days (I will spare you my soap box antics on this one...).

I dare you to take some time this week (to just BE). You get to choose the amount of time, the location and what it means to you to just BE. Just do it!

Just being,

Cindy

What's UR perspective?

2009-02-28T11:23:00.000-08:00

It's time to tell the truth but before you do - watch this 4 minute video on youtube. I must warn you this guy is a bit crass but he's got truth in his perspective.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoGYx35ypus

Here's your chance to tell the truth:

Where do you need perspective in your life?

Are you in need of a new perspective?

Who gives you perspective?

Gaining perspective,

Cindy

Proud Owners

2009-02-24T11:55:00.000-08:00

"Count yourself blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought."

I love this statement. I believe it rings true. I can't wait for the day when I am a "proud owner of everything that can't be bought." I'm happy to confess that with each decade that passes (yikes, did I just say decade) that I'm closer to that day. I am on the journey to loving myself well. It's definitely not something that has happened over night. It's taken a bunch of "self" work mixed with some self-awareness. There have also been some incredible people along the way that have helped me to learn to love myself - thank you to Lara, Lauri, Kate, Kerstin, Susan, Debby, Mike, Vickie, Ashley, Denise, Donna, Sharon and Brad - the list goes on...

I'd love for you to join me in telling the truth. The question is, "How well do you love yourself?" I'd like you to make a list of at least 5 things you LOVE about yourself - that's right AT LEAST 5. This list can include attributes, reasons, accomplishments, etc. Then, I want you to write them on an index card. I dare you to carry that card with you this week. I want you to spend a moment each day being grateful for one of the things on this all important list.

The dare = share one thing on the list with a trusted friend or family member. Share with them your hope to become "a proud of owner of everything that can't be bought."

I'm going to be bit daring and share my list with you:

1) My love for people and the desire to understand them
2) I usually can see the whole picture
3) I'm full of emotion (all kinds)
4) I'm nurturing
5) I love growing

My heart's beating a bit faster as I share from that place of vulnerability but I know it's a good thing. As a coach, I can't expect others to make the leap unless I am willing to do the same. I hope you will join me in loving yourself and being more content each step of this journey.

Contentedly,
Cindy

It's a new era of responsibility!

2009-01-20T21:07:00.000-08:00

Wow - what a day! My country tis of thee, sweet land of liberty...

let FREEDOM ring!

Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you for giving us hope. Thank you for giving us honesty and truth. Thank you for holding us responsible again.

Looking forward to our new day in America,

Cindy

I have a dream, do you?

2009-01-19T14:29:00.001-08:00

We are celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. today - how appropriate on the eve of the inauguration of President Barack Obama.

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave-owners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today."

I just had the opportunity to listen to Dr. Martin Luther King's speech (in it's entirety) that he gave on the National Mall on August 28, 1963. Wow - that was powerful! It's been publicly tagged the "I have a dream" speech. Tomorrow's inauguration promises to bring his dream closer to reality. Yay!

Dreams are powerful stuff. They can provide us with compass points for our lives. I'm wondering "Do you have a dream?" What is it? How many dreams do you have?

I dare you to take 5 minutes this week and ponder your dream. I dare you to write down your dream on an index card and post it somewhere you will see it everyday. I dare you to think about a do-able action step that will bring you closer to your dream. I dare you to take that action step in the next 2 weeks. I dare you to email me (cindy@lessdrama.com) and tell me what your dream is. I double dare you to tell me what your action step is - What you will do? When will you do it? How will I know you've done it?

If you share your dream with me, I promise I will let you in on my dream and my action step for the week that will bring me closer to it =)

Pondering the stuff dreams are made of,
Cindy

What questions should I be asking?

2009-01-09T12:15:00.000-08:00

The other day one of my coaching clients asked me for some powerful questions she could ask herself as she began to think about her goals for the next 6 months. She committed to taking time out this weekend to be intentional about her intentions. :)

I got out my "trusty little handbook" and found these powerful questions.

Questions to get you thinking about what you want for 2009:

What do I really want in the next 6 months? (in the areas of finances, physical health, spirituality, relationships, intimacy, career, play and fun)

What's holding me back from getting what I want?

What would my daily life look like if I got what I really want?

How do I want to spend my time?

Who do I want to spend my time with?

What would I do if I knew I couldn't fail?

Who am I becoming?

What am I tolerating?

How can I honor my core values?

How committed am I?

Asking the questions myself,

Cindy

What are your intentions?

2009-01-05T20:18:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year. To make significant changes in your life, you must be intentional. What are your intentions for 2009? What do you want to accomplish? How do you want to be? What do you want to become?

I dare you to make a date with yourself in the next week. Give yourself an hour to contemplate your intentions for the year. If you don't have an hour, take 20 minutes and think about the next 90 days.

Still Contemplating,
Cindy

Live life (2009) to the fullest!

2009-01-01T13:00:00.000-08:00

I dare you to watch Randy Pausch's Last Lecture on youtube. He was a "tigger" who lived life to the fullest and had fun doing it. He gave his last lecture as a professor at Carnegie-Mellon in September 2007 and shared some amazing insights into a life fully lived. Enjoy 2009, Cindy

Dare to Be Spontaneous

2008-12-14T09:59:00.001-08:00

I dare you to invite your friends or family members over to watch your favorite holiday movie. Serve up some yummy warm cookies and hot chocolate.

Enjoying the Season,

Cindy

It's Simple!

2008-11-12T08:19:00.000-08:00

I dare you to tell the truth. Take time this week to ponder this question for yourself: Where can I simplify my life? You might even be daring and take one step towards a simpler way of life. Once again pondering the simple life, Cindy

The Basics

2008-11-12T08:17:00.000-08:00

The simple most basic things in life are often the most important to us.

breathe (breeth) verb, breathed (breeth d) breath-ing (used without object)
to pause and rest before continuing; take rest; to live; to exist

Where in your "world" do you need to breathe? I dare you to pause and rest before continuing.

Breathing,
Cindy

Dare to Dance

2008-10-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

I dare you to get a bit silly this week - it's time to dance. Dance like no one is watching :-). Dance by yourself. Dance with a friend. Dance with someone special. Dance with your dog. Just dance! Dancing is good for the heart (physically, emotionally and spiritually). Take at least 5 minutes this week and dance.

Check out Matt's dancing video on the youtube gadget to the side of this post. Search "Dancing 2008". Click on it and be inspired to dance. Please visit Matt's website and read "All about Matt" (it's an interesting read).

www.wherethehellismatt.com

Dancing just for fun,

Cindy

"I do not try to dance better than anyone else. I try only to dance better than myself." Mikhail Barshynikov

"When the music changes, so does the dance." African Proverb

"Go out in the world and work like money doesn't matter, sing as if no one is listening, love as if you have never been hurt an dance as if no one is watching." Anonymous

"It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It is the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance. It is the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give. And the soul afraid of dying never learns to live." Bette Midler

Are You Still Growing?

2008-10-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

Take 5 minutes and read this article from the New York Times "If You're Open to Growth, You Tend to Grow" by Janet Rae-Dupree.

Please cut and paste this link into your internet browser:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/06/business/06unbox.html?fta=y

Tell the Truth as you ponder these questions this week:

Do you believe that your own abilities can expand over time?

Do you live with a "growth mind-set"?

Do you want to have a "growth mind-set"?

How will a "growth mind-set" serve you?

How will having a "growth mind-set" set you free?

Dare to Get "IT" Done!

2008-10-10T08:03:00.000-07:00

What's at the top of your procrastination list? Would you like to get that task done now? How much has it been "weighing on you"? How long has it been on the list? Is it something you really want to get done? Give that question some careful consideration.

On a scale of one to 10 (10 being high priority) - what is it's priority? If it's a 5 or above on the priority scale, please see the steps below to get it done. If it's below a 5 on the priority scale, would you be willing to take it off your list and let it go? Chances are that if it's on your procrastination list - it's either something you don't really want to accomplish or there's a step to the accomplished task that is difficult for you or that makes you feel stuck. Here's some tried and true way of getting it done.

Steps to getting "IT" done:

1) Take some time "sitting" with the vision of the task completed. How will it feel to have it done? How will it feel to check it off the list? How free will it feel?

2) What's getting in the way of getting it done?

3) Can this task be broken down into smaller steps? If so, what are the small do-able steps to getting it done? Commit to take 15 minutes in the next two days and come up with the list of small do-able steps. Make a reasonable estimate of how much time each step will take and write it down next to the step on the list.

4) How can I get these small steps done? Are you the kind of person that likes to do the hardest thing first? If so, do the more difficult steps first. If not, do the smaller, more manageable steps first. This will give you momentum to keep towards the goal of completing the task. If you'd like use the parking lot approach (see below). Most importantly, do what works best for you.

5) Is there a small step you can do with a friend? Who can you ask for help with the difficult steps?

6) How can you use your strengths to get around the roadblocks? (see below)

7) Give yourself a reasonable deadline. Set reasonable deadlines for each small step. Ask someone you trust to hold you accountable.

8) Celebrate in a simple way when you've gotten a particularly difficult step out of the way.

9) Plan a greater celebration for when "IT" is all done! Use what you've learned for the next time you feel stuck or feel like you are procrastinating.

Getting it done,

Cindy

Parking Lot

You are the parking lot attendant. It's your job to move all of the cars out of the parking lot. Move out one parked car at a time. Each step is a parked car. If it's a larger step - commit to moving one car out of the lot a week. If it's a smaller step - commit to moving one car out of the lot each day. Celebrate once all the cars are out of the lot. Your job is done :)

Signature Strengths

If you'd like to take a signature strengths inventory - visit www.authentic happiness.org. Register and take the VIA strengths inventory. It's a quick 240 multiple choice questions. It gives you a ranking of your top strengths. As a coach, I like to encourage my clients to use one or more of their top 8 strengths with tasks they find difficult to complete. It really helps to tackle a difficult task with one of your strengths. For example, creativity, playfulness and sense of purpose are 3 of my top strengths. When I'm stuck, I use my creativity to figure out how to make the task fun and meaningful. Believe me - this approach really works.

The Girl Effect

2008-10-02T09:52:00.000-07:00

I dare you to watch Girl Effect of Youtube (See youtube on the side of the posts and search Girl Effect). Change starts with a girl. Think about that. What kind of changes do you want to make in your world? Is there a girl within your sphere of influence that needs you to invest in her? Is there something that you want to do on the global front? I dare you to ponder these questions. Sit with them. What step can you take right now? Please tell a girlfriend what change you want to make and why - it will help hold you accountable to action. Take the first step. Remember change starts with one small step.

For more information about Girl Effect, please visit www.girleffect.org or become a fan of Girl Effect on facebook.

Ancient Wisdom

2008-09-24T13:45:00.000-07:00

Ancient Wisdom tells us that it is important "to know the smallest things and the biggest things, the shallowest things and the deepest things."

Take 5 minutes (the undistracted kind) for yourself 4 times this week. Reflect on the following questions. What are the smallest things in my life? What are the biggest things in my life? What are the shallowest things in my life? What are the deepest things in my life?

After doing these reflective exercises - picture something in your mind's eye that represents something that is BIG and Deep (ie. an iceberg, an oak tree). Write it down on a post-it or find a picture in a magazine. Stick the post-it or picture somewhere that will remind you to keep your focus on what is big and deep in your life (ie. bathroom mirror, dashboard, refrigerator, bedside table). You could also write this "something" on an index card and carry around with you in a pocket for the next week as a constant reminder of what's important to you in this life.

Begin to let go of what is small and shallow stuff in your life. Be creative - find ways to remind yourself daily to focus on what is BIG and DEEP in your life.

Renewable Energies

2008-09-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

I dare you to fill your tank...As women, we invest in others, all day, every day. Is it time to invest in yourself?

Take 15 "undistracted" minutes for yourself within the next 2 days. Think about what gives you life (gives energy) and what drains your energy. Make two lists. Make the "drains my energy" list first - write down at least 10 things that are a drain on your system. Then, make your "renewable energy" list - write down 10 things you do that give you energy. Be honest with yourself. Make a commitment to do at least one thing that gives you energy each day for the next month.

I double dare you - Post your "renewable energy" list in a place you will notice it each day (ie. car dashboard, bathroom mirror, bedside table). Do something for yourself each day that gives you energy - Make this a daily ritual.

If you are having trouble coming up with your renewable energy list, email cindy@lessdrama.com - I've got lots of ideas.

Let's Play Truth or Dare!

2008-09-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

When was the last time you played Truth or Dare?

The coaching process helps you to focus on the good truth for your life and allows you to let go of the lies that play tricks on you and keep you from moving forward. As a coach, I love to challenge my clients in ways that move them closer to their best self.

Each week you will receive an email designed to challenge you in new ways to live out the good truth for your life. We DARE you to live the life you want today!

IN Process!

2008-07-01T17:01:00.001-07:00

I'm in process...moving forward. I want more for this blog - so I'm out scouting...I will be back soon with contemplations of a Less Drama Queen. Thank you for your patience.

It's Becoming On You!

2008-03-18T13:20:00.001-07:00

be·come [bi-kuhm]
verb, be·came, be·come, be·com·ing.

1. to come, change, or grow to be (as specified): She became contented.
2. to come into being.
3. to be attractive on; befit in appearance; look well on: That gown becomes you.
4. to be suitable or necessary to the dignity, situation, or responsibility of: conduct that becomes an officer.
5. to become of, to happen to; be the fate of: What will become of her?

When I think about "BECOMING" I imagine a door. It's not just any door. Its simple yet ornate structure welcomes me. I am in awe. It is inviting me to pass through into its chamber. The entry way seems long but I think I am ready. I have stood here at a distance many times before today just contemplating going in this way. I really do want to go. My internal struggle begging the question "What keeps getting in my way?"

I like what I see from the outside. I wonder what is waiting for me inside? What is this anticipation I feel in my soul? I'm getting excited. I'm getting closer to becoming what I really want. Have others come this way before me? Can they help me on this path of becoming? Is there some magic incantation I must recite? "Open Sesame!" No, silly, that's not the way doors open in real life. There must be a key to unlocking this door. I will find it!

We are always in the process of BECOMING! As a Less Drama life coach I believe it's important to be intentional about who and what we want to become.

Have you taken the time in this New Year to think about what it is that you want to become? Which door will you open? Door #1, Door #2 or Door #3?

Here are 5 simple steps to finding the key
that unlocks the door:

1. Explore, discover & clarify what you really want to BECOME! Take the time to be still, to reflect and to ask yourself the question - What do I really, really, really want to BECOME next? You are worth your time. Make an appointment with yourself this coming week to wonder, dream and contemplate.

2. Believe you can BECOME it!
What negative self-talk is getting in your way from you BECOMING what you want? The truth is you can become it. You are creative, resourceful and whole. Believe it!

3. Develop and implement your "BECOMING" action plan!
Map out the route that will help get you where you want to be! Make a realistic timeline for "arrival". Remember to take small steps. Don't get discouraged by the roadblocks - find the detour and get there!

4. Make sure to have accountability!
Tell someone you trust (your partner, your bff, or your life coach) about your BECOMING. Ask them to help hold you accountable to walking through with your plan.

5. Celebrate your BECOMING!

What's On Your Playlist?

2008-03-10T13:31:00.000-07:00

What are you listening to these days? Do you have a favorite playlist on your Ipod? I do. I'm listening to it right now as I write. Are you like me - do you like to listen to it over and over again or do you mix it up? What music is on your playlists? Take a look at the titles of my playlists. I've got playlists for my many moods and special events in my life. I love putting a playlist together for a family member or friend (when it's time to celebrate them, when they are in need of comforting words, or simply because we are having them over for dinner). There are memories in my playlists. Trisha Yearwood and Jack Johnson must rate - they've got their own playlists. Who knew you could tell so much about a person by what they listen to?

I'm writing about playlists today because I've been thinking about the voices we listen to in our heads. What gets your "airtime"? What messages/thoughts are we sending ourselves? What messages do you cling to with all of our heart? What do you think about (or "listen" to) when you are doing the mundane (like taking a shower in the morning)? Does truth get airtime or are you shuffling through the lies?

As a coach and someone who is learning to walk down the road of freedom, I know how important it is to pay attention to what messages are playing in our head. These messages are propelling us forward, keeping us stationery or even worse moving us backwards. How do we make sure we are listening to truth and silencing the lies?

Step 1 - Take inventory of what's on your playlists.

Is it truth? Are they lies (they may be subtle)? Pay close attention. What voices do you hear? What are they saying? Identify the negative messages. Search for the truth. Ask yourself who's influencing my playlists? Can the messages be trusted?

Step 2 - Download new music.

Find your truth. If it's not on your playlists now - decide what is true and healthy and what will motivate you towards the positive. Put it on the list. What voices do you still need to hear from? Which voice on your playlist is the most important? Know what your good and true voice (yes, you do have one) is saying - listen closely for it. If you need to ask a trusted friend for some "fresh" music, do it. Once you have found your truth - it's on to step 3.

Step 3 - Play it over and over again! Give it the airtime it needs. Make sure to learn these lyrics.

Write it down on a post it or 3x5 index card. Make a collage or vision board that highlights this truth. Plaster it everywhere - the bathroom mirror, your bedside table, your dashboard, your desktop. Make it known. Is it a quote? A poem? A song? Is it your truth - will it help you thrive? Ask a trusted friend or coach to help reinforce it. Keep giving it airtime. Send yourself an email/text message with that truth for your life daily. There are many ways to reinforce the good and truthful message. Make sure your playlist is loaded with truth.

Step 4 - Delete the old files.

Don't give the lies airtime. Silence them. Don't reinforce them by listening to them. Stop them in their tracks. When you hear them (and you will from time to time) - tell them to go play elsewhere. Tell them to get lost. Tell them they are useless to you. Tell them you've found your truth and you don't need them anymore. When they persist - call that trusted friend - ask for "truth" reinforcements.

Step 5 - Enjoy that peaceful, easy feeling.

Relish in the truth. Live by it. Be free.

Please note: Every once in a while a "virus" attacks or the old files mysteriously appear - if this happens - go back to step 1 and repeat.