abc. it's as easy as 123.

Well, maybe it’s not as easy as 123. One of my dearest mentors (a queen mama) in life, Vickie Bare, taught me the importance of having a teachable spirit. She constantly challenged my growing edge. She loved me despite the mistakes I made. Her encouragement went like this, “That’s okay, you’re learning.”

I love learning and growing (been doing it now for 44+ years - yikes). I’ve learned that you can’t have growth without making some mistakes along the way. Bummer, I know. Some of us cringe at the idea of making a mistake. Sometimes that fear keeps us from trying new experiences. Here’s a gentle reminder for us:

If we are making mistakes, it means we are moving forward.
If we are making mistakes, it means we are taking risks.
If we are making mistakes, it means we are on the right track (as long as we are learning from our mistakes.)
If we are making mistakes, we are human.

A girlfriend told me yesterday that Bill Gates won’t hire you unless you have a proven track record of making mistakes. Who knows if that’s true? I did find this quote, “There were a lot of missteps in the early days, but because we got in early we got to make more mistakes than other people,” says Gates. Since Bill Gates is a pretty smart cookie - he knows the wisdom that comes from learning from your mistakes. I’m guessing he banks on it. Banks being the operative word.

I just started my leadership rotation for nursing clinicals this week. I’m hoping I won’t make too many mistakes this rotation but if I do, I’ll learn from them. Our wise instructor (who will remain nameless until I get her permission to share it), has been a nurse for 30+ years and has graduated over 2000+ nurses encouraged us with this thought yesterday:

“If I had a dollar for every mistake I’ve made in my life, I would not be here with you today. I would be on my own private, secluded island somewhere in the tropics with George Clooney, Antonio Banderas, and Benicio Del Toro serving me little umbrella cocktails.”

I dare you to learn something new. Step out and let’s remember that the next time we make a mistake, we are in good company.

I love learning,
Cindy

¡Adios Senorita Inseguridad!

I've been writing about our so out-dated, way-behind-the-times, no-good-for-us friend, Ms. Insecurity, for over a year now. In April, I heard Beth Moore speak to 300,000 ladies on this topic (So Long Insecurity) and I felt called to action.

Needless to say, I've been doing my fair share of contemplating the subject of Ms. Insecurity. During this time, I've also been battling against her wiles and I'd love to share with you some of the insights I've "stumbled" upon:

· Ms. Insecurity is not our friend. She is our enemy.
· She is not looking out for our best interest ~ she relishes in reminding us of our inadequacies, mistakes and our oversights. She wants to hold us back.
· She is a liar. Any thread of truth she whispers has been twisted and tangled up into something ugly and SO NOT the truth.
· She is the president of the "world revolves around me" club. She is continually recruiting members. I'm serious. She is persistent. I keep telling myself that the world doesn't revolve around me and that others don't have time to clutter their pretty, little heads with my state of being or my comings and goings. BUT she keeps on ~ trying to convince me that everyone spends all their waking moments pondering my situation, my perspective, my inadequacies, and my mess-ups. Can you believe her audacity?
· She wants to be our life long friend. We met her when we were young cape wearing, tiara-toting, wand-carrying princesses who believed we could save the world. She came on the scene and dashed our hopes. She's still dashing hopes of making life matter and taking steps towards positive change for the good. She loves pulling the loyalty card, too ~ one of her favorite statements is "Who can you really trust to tell you the truth?"
· She's "friends" with everyone. She is not discriminating. Her "friendship" knows no bounds. She hangs out with the smartest and the not-so smart, the beautiful and the not-so-beautiful, the talented and the not-so, the hopeful and not-so, the boldest and the most fearful, the most successful and the failure, the extrovert and the introvert, the wealthiest and the poorest, the seemingly most confident and the most insecure (and all of us in between those descriptions). She befriends us all at some point along the journey.
· She's over the top BOLD. She shows up all the time unannounced and uninvited. Once we are onto her ways and have told her that she is no longer welcome - she shows up anyway and her words are unrelenting and even more vehement.
· She makes mountains out of molehills. She takes a tiny little thread of truth and turns it into a three-eyed, six-headed, fire breathing monster. You might have made a tiny mistake and then Ms. Insecurity gets a hold of it and whispers not-so-sweet little nothings into your ear until you can't take it anymore and then before you know it - in your mind it's become this hugemongous (that is a word - I don't care what my spel chek says) incident that you are quite embarrassed of and so you avoid the scene of the "crime" (remember it was a tiny little mistake) or the people that witnessed the "crime" for days, weeks, or maybe even a lifetime. Has she ever taken one of your molehills and turned it into Mt. Everest? She's had that effect on me before.
· She doesn't like hearing NO. I've started saying no to her wiles, her whispers and her ways. She doesn't like it. She talks louder. She gets me to listen to her when I'm tired or over-stressed. Yesterday, I was really tired and I swear she tried to take over my brainwaves. I kept saying, "nananana ~ I'm not listening to you." (Actually, I was too tired to be that sassy to her.) That would silence her for a moment. When she kept on (as she does) I enlisted the help of a trusted friend - who set me straight and reminded me of the treasure I am and how silly Ms. Insecurity's lies really are.
· She hates our success! You should hear her rants when you've succeeded. Like I said, she's persistent and doesn't like defeat. Our success proves her wrong every time. It rattles her cages and she comes back even fiercer. This is the greatest insight I've learned over the last year in my study of her behavior. If we can be vigilant and valiant in our attempts to mute her out - she does eventually get the message and moves on - leaving us to celebrate our successes ~ the small and the great ones. One day we will conquer her together!

With all this insight - I'm thinking it's time we said Bye Bye to Ms. Insecurity for good. The truth is that it doesn't happen over night ~ darn it. It's a journey. It's a choice. It takes concerted effort. We have to be committed to it. We need help ~ we can't do it alone.

Are you ready to say Bye Bye? Let's say hello freedom, confidence, joy, true friendship, success, radiance, brilliance, and hope ~ whatever it is that our insecurity holds us back from.

Will you step up your game and say "I'm not listening" to Ms. Insecurity's lies? Will you be more aware when she shows up and ask to her to leave (politely, of course)? Will you ask a trusted friend to join you in saying bye bye? What step will you take today?

Contemplating Freedom,

Cindy

trust yourself

I had my p’s all in a row. The content for the evening had gone through the process ~ I had percolated. I had planned. I had prepared. I was ready.

As Less Drama Queens of Bakersfield began Wednesday night, I sensed that the agenda for the night needed to shift. I went with my gut and let go of the plan. In my little bag o’ tricks, I pulled out some postcards that had a quote printed on them. I asked each of the participants to take turns reading the quote aloud, “Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”

They looked at me, “You want us to each read the same quote out loud one after another??” Yes, please! They did as they were asked. As each of them read it with heart, it began to sink into our souls. Trust yourself. Trust yourself. Trust yourself.

The evening was one of the most powerful coaching sessions I have ever been honored to facilitate. My take-away for the evening was this: When I trust myself, good things come to fruition and my confidence is given a boost.

I’m believing that the same is true for each and every one of us. We’ve got reason to trust ourselves. What are your reasons?

You really didn’t think I would let you get off the hook easily, did you? If you are due for a confidence boost, please take out a sheet of paper.

Step 1: Write this quote at the top of the paper, “Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”

Step 2: Read it out loud (at least 3 times). Yes, I really want you to read it out loud.

Step 3: Write down at least five reasons you can trust yourself. If you have trouble coming up with this list, think about why others might trust you.

Step 4: Call a trusted girlfriend. Tell her about this blog post. Ask her if she would be willing to share in this confidence booster with you. Email her the quote.

Step 5: Read the quote out loud at least once (one after the other).

Step 6: Ask her to share with you at least one reason she trusts you. Write down the reason/s she trusts you in another column on the page. Then be sure to tell her why you trust her.

Step 7: Discuss together, “How does one create the kind of self that you would be happy to live with all your life?” Remember there is no right formula.

Step 8: Ponder the inner sparks of possibility within yourself. What are those sparks that could turn into flames of achievement? This might be a bit difficult for some of you. Really think about those little sparks that have lived dormant within you. If you’re still stumped, ask your girlfriend for help with this question. Write down your tiny, inner sparks on the piece of paper.

Step 9: Think about which spark you would like to begin to fan in the next couple of weeks - so that it might turn into a flame of achievement. Make a commitment to take an action step toward fanning the spark. It can be a small step. Just commit to do it. Share this with your girlfriend. Ask her to please hold you accountable.

Step 10: Go back to your list of the reasons why you can trust yourself. Take one of those reasons and “marry” it to the inner spark that you plan to fan into a flame. Share this with your girlfriend. Post it on an index card and place it on your dashboard, nightstand or bathroom mirror. Finish this exercise by reading the quote once again. “Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”

If you’re pressed for time, at least take a moment to ponder why you can trust yourself. Make sure to post the list. My hope for each of us is to be reminded that we indeed have reason to trust ourselves. Trust yourself!

If you dare, I’d love to hear your reasons why you can trust yourself. Please email me at cindy@lessdrama.com. Here’s five reasons why I can trust myself: My friends and family love me dearly; God is with me; I’m resilient; When I make mistakes, I’m willing to learn from them; and I know myself well.

Trusting,
Cindy

What did you learn this summer?

It's that time of year again. Labor Day is almost here and it's time to contemplate what I learned this summer. I believe there's power in taking time for reflection.

Summer School Lessons by Cindy Steele:

It is truly amazing to be at the right place at the right time and know it. Mowing the lawn can be redemptive - it gives you the time and space to work things out in your mind, body and soul. I sometimes feel like my life is a trapeze act that requires great faith. Teachers have to learn first. I like "R" words better than "D" words. Six-year-olds live life with all of their being. They are still true to themselves. Celebration is important and I've got a lot to celebrate! No matter how old you are, skipping with girlfriends is fun. A long lazy picnic + best friends + sunny day at Chrissy field in San Francisco = a great recipe for a warm heart.
Following self-imposed rules for life are oh-so-good for my over all well-being, especially when I have heaps on my plate. Cindy's simple rules to live by are this: 1) no rushing allowed 2) give myself ample morning time alone if I have been out late the night before 3) always make time for down time 4) create some home time if I've been on the go-go-go. Roller skating takes you back to a simpler place and time. Sonic happy hour iced teas are my new favorite treat. Siblings will always bicker on long car rides - no matter what their age. I love that family sticks together always! I've loved my sissy bum for 40+ years - oh my! Freedom and truth resonate with everyone. I'm a big fan of deep breaths. Happy dances are fun for all.

Thank you again, Allyson, for inspiring this practice in me. You are inspiration!

Contemplating Big Things on My Horizon,
Cindy

hello confidence

She’s six years old and she’s got game. I’m watching with bated breath from across the pool. She’s climbing higher and higher - up she goes calculating each foot placement as if she’s rock climbing Mt. Rainier. The lifeguard watches in amazement - she’s a tiny little thing - weighing all of 42 pounds soaking wet. He asks with a bit of trepidation, “Is she afraid of anything?” I’m shaking my head, “I don’t think so.” She reaches the top, smiles a proud smile and whoosh she lands in the pool. She’s out of the pool lickety split and back in line. She’s doing a happy dance with an invisible hula hoop and singing “Aunt Cindy, did you see me? I did it. I did it! Look at me - I climbed to the top. Woohoo. I’m so great. I did it!”

My heart sang for my niece, Cady. I was all smiles. I thought, “Wow! Now that is confidence in it’s purest form.” How could I capture that confidence? There must be a way to protect that in her. Cady’s happy dance was an inspiration. She’s full of life. She knows what she wants and goes forth it undaunted. She’s not afraid of looking silly or patting herself on the back in public. She did a good job and she was happy about it. She didn’t wait around to see what the rest of her world thought about her accomplishment. She just celebrated out in the open for all to see. How beautiful is that?

I think we all know when we’ve done a great job. I’d be willing to guess we all know the happy dance...unfortunately somewhere along the road we learned we shouldn’t celebrate out loud in front of everyone. What will people think? We might look conceited or full of our selves. Someone might not agree a celebration is in order. I’m guessing the happy dance we do is not on the dance floor of life - it’s done in the privacy of our heart or within the confines of our walk-in closet...or just maybe we misplaced our confidence or worse yet had it stolen through life experiences and the happy dance is no longer in our repertoire. This saddens me - all “grown up” and afraid to do the happy dance.

I dare us to be six again. Wouldn’t it be fabulous to see our “fellow” girlfriends celebrating life and accomplishments out loud with a happy dance for all the world to see? I can envision it. The happy dance becoming happenstance in the market, at the gym, and down the hallway at work. The next time we have an accomplishment, big or small, I dare us to change our “grown up” perspective and have the freedom and the confidence of a six year old to exuberantly do the happy dance and sing out loud, “Did you see me? I did it. I did it! Look at me - I climbed to the top. Woohoo. I’m so great. I did it!” Let’s get the word out - if Cady can do it unabashedly, why can’t we?

I hope you dance,
Cindy

P.S. I missed you all! It was good to be with family and make some fun memories - like the one I just shared. I’m now in the throes of the last semester of my RN program, trying real hard to keep Cady’s perspective.




let's have some fun...

Since we've discussed some weighty topics lately, I thought it was time for some fun. I'm off to visit with family for the next 3 weeks. I'm so excited to have some play time with my nieces and nephews. Woohoo!

When was the last time you went skipping with your girlfriends? It might be a bit silly but I'd be willing to bet it will get your endorphins doing backflips. Have you ever taken the time to turn "work" into fun? Please take a moment and watch the video below. It's a simple concept called the fun theory. The video highlights an elaborate project but I believe the idea is something simple we could use in our daily lives. I'm guessing the next time I have a difficult task to accomplish, I could use the fun theory. Would you be willing to sprinkle your daily tasks with some fun? If you need some help with ideas of the "how-to" of making work fun, just ask a 7-year old how they would do it. I know from my vast experience working with children and youth - they are experts on making "work" fun.

Here's some questions for you to contemplate:
Is fun a priority in your life?
How much fun have you had in the last week?
Are you due for some fun?
How can you incorporate some fun into your work day?

I'm off to have some fun ~
See you in a couple of weeks. =)
Cindy

d words vs. r words

So, I’ll try and make this brief since the last couple of contemplations have been quite wordy. GOL (giggle out loud).

This summer there’s been a “war” raging within my mind and soul. It’s taken up quite a bit of space on my mental hard drive. I don’t have the time right now to share all of the details (remember brevity is the goal today) but I will in due time.
I won some significant battles in this war last week.

I want to tell you about the battle of the “D” words vs. the “R” words. At the beginning of last week, the “D” words had taken up camp within my soul. It started with doubt, then found its way to disappointment which led to discouragement, and finally capped itself off with defeat and despair late Monday night. Luckily, the mind trip stopped before destruction came. What led me down those D roads was the noise and clamor of the “enemy” (see footnote) ~ shouting lies at every bump in the road. The clamor was ear-piercing and overpowering. Even though I’ve gotten pretty skilled at recognizing the lies and denouncing them during this battle the lies raged on. With each twist and turn in this maze of D words, the tears welled up. I went to sleep with a heavy heart and a little bit mad at myself for not being able to rise above those silly little lies. I’m here to tell you those silly little lies seemed like huge, scary monsters that wanted to devour all that I had to give. Oh the power of those D words - give them an inch and they take a mile.

Well, here’s where the battle was won. Early Tuesday morning, I intentionally sat down and invited stillness. I retreated to my safe place where truth abides. I got cozy and stayed a while. I let the truth sink into my being...and guess what sprang up? A wellspring of refreshing water that poured over me reviving me and bringing rejuvenation. The cool waters are still flowing a week later - ahhh, the revitalization.

What I learned from this battle:

D words are real and they do have power.
D words will take up residence if I let them.
I don’t like D words ~ doubt, discouragement, destruction, devour, defeat, disappointment, destroy, and despair.
If I don’t fight back, D words will threaten to take control.
Girlfriends can help dethrone D words.
Being still in your safe place can bring the battle with the D words to an end.
Real truth denounces the D words.

R words are good for the soul.
I love R words ~ retreat, refresh, rejuvenate, revive, refuel, and revitalize.
I want R words to reside within me.
R words don’t come easily but when we intentionally allow truth to reside within the confines of our mind, body and soul ~ R words will move in, too.
R words are worth fighting for.

Today’s contemplation is a bit lofty and metaphorical but I hope it resonates. I’ve got some questions for you:

Where do you find your truth?
Where is your safe place?
Do you take to be still?

R words Rule,
Cindy

Footnote = The “enemy” within this context is any thought that is against us and the good we are moving towards.