do you hear voices, i do?

Do you remember Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live? Stuart was over the top with his self affirmations. “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggone it, people like me.” The point he made in those silly SNL skits, albeit a tad bit exaggerated, was that what we think about ourselves really does impact what we do and who we are becoming.

This past week, I spent one of my clinical days in Endoscopy. I hope you never find yourself in that part of a hospital, but let me tell you a bit about my experience. It’s all very rushed. Patients come into a room filled with beds, get hooked up to vital sign monitors, get an IV started, answer some questions, sign a consent for the procedure, and with the help of a competent, caring nurse have their fears relieved (all within the span of 10 minutes). Then, fast as lightning, they are wheeled in for their procedure. Okay, I’ll stop there. I know you don’t really want to hear about what goes on behind the closed doors. Big sigh. That’s all of you reading this, sounding relieved that I didn’t go there.

I get to learn in this rushed environment. As I’m learning and practicing my newly acquired skills I begin hearing these voices. “You should have noticed that.” “How come you didn’t do that?” “That’s important - why didn’t you remember that?” “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” I haven’t heard these voices in years. I guess they’ve made an encore appearance since I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and into an entirely new world for me. I realized in that first hour of Endoscopy that I was getting increasingly flustered. Oh my. My confidence factor was dwindling.

Then, because I’ve had experience with these mean, no-good-for-nothing voices, I stopped them in their tracks. I had a little Stuart Smalley moment. YES, right there in Endoscopy, I had a literal conversation with myself (thankfully not out loud). I told those useless, not needed here, little voices to take a hike. I played the new tape. “You ARE learning. It takes time to acquire these skills. That’s why you’re here. Be patient. Take your time. You’re getting it. You’re going to be a great nurse, Cindy.” Transformation - what a difference that made. Deep breaths and I was back feeling confident, going slow and building great rapport with my patients. I even landed some encouraging feedback from one of the nurses.

Thank you for letting me write from the heart and share bits and pieces of my own journey. You’ve told me it resonates. For this, I’m grateful. Thank you for sharing your life with me, too. It warms my heart.

Now that you’ve heard my “playlist” for the week - what’s on yours? Below you’ll find a contemplation from the archives. I think it’s worth sharing with you again in light of my Stuart Smalley moment.

The truth will set you free,
Cindy

From the archives: What’s on Your Playlist?

What are you listening to these days? Do you have a favorite playlist on your iPod? I do. I'm listening to it right now as I write. Are you like me - do you like to listen to it over and over again or do you mix it up? What music is on your playlists? I've got playlists for my many moods and special events in my life. I love putting a playlist together for a family member or friend (when it's time to celebrate them, when they are in need of comforting words, or simply because we are having them over for dinner). There are memories in my playlists. Trisha Yearwood and Jack Johnson must rate - they've got their own playlists. Who knew you could tell so much about a person by what they listen to?

I'm writing about playlists today because I've been thinking about the voices we listen to in our heads. What gets your "airtime"? What messages/thoughts are we sending ourselves? What messages do you cling to with all of our heart? What do you think about (or "listen" to) when you are doing the mundane (like taking a shower in the morning)? Does truth get airtime or are you shuffling through the lies?

As a coach and someone who is learning to walk down the road of freedom, I know how important it is to pay attention to what messages are playing in our head. These messages are propelling us forward, keeping us stationery or even worse moving us backwards. How do we make sure we are listening to truth and silencing the lies?

Step 1 - Take inventory of what's on your playlists.

Is it truth? Are they lies (they may be subtle)? Pay close attention. What voices do you hear? What are they saying? Identify the negative messages. Search for the truth. Ask yourself who's influencing my playlists? Can the messages be trusted?

Step 2 - Download new music.

Find your truth. If it's not on your playlists now - decide what is true and healthy and what will motivate you towards the positive. Put it on the list. What voices do you still need to hear from? Which voice on your playlist is the most important? Know what your good and true voice (yes, you do have one) is saying - listen closely for it. If you need to ask a trusted friend for some "fresh" music, do it. Once you have found your truth - it's on to step 3.

Step 3 – What’s your truth? Play it over and over again! Give it the airtime it needs. Make sure to learn these lyrics.

Write it down on a post it or 3x5 index card. Make a collage or vision board that highlights this truth. Plaster it everywhere - the bathroom mirror, your bedside table, your dashboard, your desktop. Make it known. Is it a quote? A poem? A song? Is it your truth - will it help you thrive? Ask a trusted friend or coach to help reinforce it. Keep giving it airtime. Send yourself an email/text message with that truth for your life daily. There are many ways to reinforce the good and truthful message. Make sure your playlist is loaded with truth.

Step 4 - Delete the old files.

Don't give the lies airtime. Silence them. Don't reinforce them by listening to them. Stop them in their tracks. When you hear them (and you will from time to time) - tell them to go play elsewhere. Tell them to get lost. Tell them they are useless to you. Tell them you've found your truth and you don't need them anymore. When they persist - call that trusted friend - ask for "truth" reinforcements.

Step 5 - Enjoy that peaceful, easy feeling.

Relish in the truth. Live by it. Be free.

Please note: Every once in a while a "virus" attacks or the old files mysteriously appear - if this happens - go back to step 1 and repeat.

Powerful Questions to Ponder:
What gets your airtime?
What messages are you sending yourself?
What lie are you listening to?
What truth do you want to live by?

Borrowing Worry?

Phew. Last week came to a welcomed end. At 3pm on Friday, I laid down for a nap. 7.5 hours later, clinching the title of world champion napper, I woke up. Oh my! My mind knew I had had a stressful week, I guess my body did, too.

On my way to an email marketing seminar and a day of clinicals at the hospital on Wednesday, I had a little "moment" talking to my sister. I realized just how much worry I had borrowed:

Tuesday morning. Truck stuck in mud on way to clinicals. Call AAA and 2 hours late. Borrow a little worry - check.

Tuesday evening. Husband. News of another torn rotator cuff, argh - the same shoulder that had surgery 16 months ago. Another surgery? Job uncertainty? Borrow lots of worry and some sadness - check.

94 year-old Granddad, 90% heart blockage, headed to Europe for his 3rd cruise in 2 years. Go Granddad, go heart. Granddaddy, please be safe. Borrow adequate amount of worry with a little hope - check.

Sister. Her husband deployed to Iraq for a year. Borrow decent amount of worry - check.

Nursing Care Plan to write and implement - 20-hour project. Must get enough data in short time allotted while caring for patients. Borrow just the right amount of worry - check.

First test of the semester. Those who have gone before us encourage us to set our expectations at failure. Studied beaucoup hours, 40 pages of handwritten notes. Borrow way more worry than my fair share - check.

Weight of all the worry. Not enough downtime. Rush, rush, rush all week. Still rushing. Can't afford tears at the moment. Must hold it together. I'll take a minor meltdown for $400, Alex. Cry a little, pray a little, love a little upon my sissy, who's going through enough stress of her own. Check.

I get to the seminar about 45 minutes early. I am hoping to study. Too tired. Too drained. Must muster up my networking savvy. I ask myself, "What's the best use of this time?" "Studying? No." In the hotel lobby, when I see those little packets of calm, I know instantly. A cup of tea, a moment of silence and, "Voila!" - peace came.

The cup of tea was this lovely blend of mint and tarragon leaves. It's name was rejuvenation. It was made just for me and my borrowed worry moment. I sat down in a big comfy chair. The cup warming my hands. The steam invading my soul. Ahhh....

It only takes 5 minutes and the benefits are numerous. Sipping tea slows you down. The tea itself can have calming effects. There are even health benefits - the research proves it.

So, I dare you. The next time you are borrowing more than your share of worry, grab your favorite mug and sit down to a cup of tea.

Relaxed,
Cindy

The world is all gates, all opportunities, strings of tension waiting to be struck. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Some days when I sit down to write one of these Truth or Dares nothing comes. Like I've told you before, I keep my Truth or Dare radar up throughout the week. My radar has been up and running but nothing has made it go - ding, ding, ding. There were some definite maybes but nothing materialized. I hope my radar's not broken. I was even to suppose to write this on Friday but decided to wait until today hoping that something would show up. Nothing. Here I sit. Waiting.

I even searched through my book files hoping one of the pieces that's waiting to be finished would say, "Pick me. Pick me!" I'm still waiting.

Well, why don't I write on that subject? That's something I should have a PhD in by now. I've even read books on the subject. I'm not talking about the every day kind-of-waiting like waiting in line or waiting for a table at your favorite restaurant. I'm talking about the LONGing-kind-of-waiting (emphasis on long). In my 30's, I would have told you that I was the queen of waiting. Waiting for my husband - Hello! Where is he already? When I was 29 and still not married, my grandmother would tell me that I had always wanted to be married and have lots of kids ;) She'd tell me regularly, "Cindy, it's just the way God made you. Those desires have been strong in your heart from the very beginning. I remember when you were a little girl you would tell me all about it." I even have written proof. I have this book - it's a Dr. Suess book - it's called The Book About Me that I colored when I was in first grade. I believe way back then when I knew who I was and what I was supposed to do (first graders are like that) - you know, the way God made me - I wrote that I wanted to be a mother, teacher and artist when I grew up. I waited until a week before I turned 42 to get married. On this side of marriage, I can say it was definitely worth the wait. Right, Bradford?

Well, I've been a teacher all my life (my classroom is not very traditional) and I get to use my creativity daily - so NOW, I'm just waiting for our kids to arrive on the scene.

Like many of you, who have done your own share of waiting, there are some days I wait with a good dose of hope, faith and thrilled expectancy. Other waiting days are not so good. We won't discuss those days in detail - let's just say, "It's not pretty." On those days when my faith lives in shallow end of the pool and my hope goes behind the clouds, it's really hard to wait.

Are you waiting for something? I happen to know personally from a few of you, that you are indeed champions of the waiting game. You are waiting right now. Some of you are waiting on jobs to come your way, and some of you are waiting on retirement. Some of you are waiting to be married and some of you are waiting on the kids to leave the nest. Did you notice that I called you champions? I call you champions because you have not yet given up. You have persevered. You have kept the faith even when your hope seemed to dip behind the clouds (why must it do that?).

Please know that I don't speak about this "waiting" thing lightly. I know it my heart of hearts how hard it can be. For those of you who are waiting, I hope you'll find some comfort in the fact that you are not alone. I've learned a few insights about waiting in my 44 years that I'd love to share with you today:

1) Waiting is something we all do at some point along our journey.
2) We are not alone in our waiting, REALLY there are others.
3) Waiting for us is different than anyone else who has ever waited (even if they waited/are waiting for the same thing).
4) In waiting, there are good days and there are bad days.
5) It's good to have a close friend (maybe even 2 close friends, in case of voicemail) to call upon when the waiting gets tough.
6) While waiting, it's good to focus on what we have instead of focusing on what we don't have.
7) For some perspective, it helps to ask what will the need/desire meet when it finally arrives? Then, ask yourself how is that need/desire being met with what I already have right now? Is there a way to meet it with what I have now? Unfortunately, sometimes the answer is no. But sometimes, most times, there is a yes to that question, if you think creatively.
8) When the waiting seems overwhelming, sleep helps.
9) Hugs help waiting souls.
10) How we wait is important to our character building - waiting can make us stronger, more compassionate and wise.

Well, I could talk about this subject for hours but I bet you are waiting for this post to be done.

I dare you to share your waiting with a trusted friend this week. Ask them to be on your team in your waiting game. May we all stand strong together as we wait!

Waiting well today,
Cindy

P.S. My Truth or Dare radar wasn't broken, I just had to wait ;)