we all do it! why?

Repeat after me ~ worry changes nothing. Let’s say it again ~ worry changes nothing. That’s right. I’ve known this principle for what seems like forever and yet I still find myself worrying. What’s up with that? I’m not even a worrier by nature. I once signed up for a worry retreat and my roommate knowing that I wasn’t a worrier questioned why? I said, “Well, I went on the anger retreat (which was the precursor to the worry retreat) not thinking I was angry. Let me tell you it was one of the most transforming experiences of my life (You should ask me about it some time). Needless to say I went on the worry retreat. That was at least 7 years ago - why am I still worrying???

Last week, I had something small (in the full scope of life) to worry my pretty little head about. The time I spent fretting wasted too many minutes of my life - maybe, perhaps a few hours in total. I needed to get my leadership rotation shifts scheduled for school and it was all dependent upon my nurse mentor and her schedule. I kept worrying because if I didn’t get them scheduled I could potentially not graduate in December. I knew they would get scheduled, yet in the mean time, I worried. I knew in my head that most things turn out okay in the long run, but as time ticked on and the shifts weren’t scheduled yet, I worked myself into a tizzy. It weighed on me. One night while I was taking a shower which should always be the one place where I have some breathing room and relaxation - it became a full blown frenzy. I kept telling myself - worry changes nothing. It didn’t seem to help. I kept pondering yet again (another word for worry in this particular case) how I might get those shifts scheduled. It was in that moment that I figured out why I worry ~ drum roll, please. I figured out that I some how THINK that if I ponder something LONG enough and hard enough - going through ALL the possible scenarios in my head ~ twisting and turning over EVERY possible combination I will stumble upon the solution. The problem was that the solution did not rest with me. I needed to let it go. For me, the solution came in releasing it to God ~ knowing I hadn’t come this far in nursing school and done so well to have someone else’s schedule hold me back. Guess what? I have my leadership rotation shifts scheduled. Surprise - Surprise. It all came together a couple of days later no thanks to my worrying. I have better things to do with my precious, limited time these days than to wile it away with worry over the small stuff.

I talk with girlfriends every day. Some one of us is always worrying about something. Worry often comes up in our Less Drama Queen coaching groups. I think it’s somehow built into our X-chromosome. I’ve been contemplating this thing called worry for a couple of weeks now. Of course, it’s not the first time I’ve pondered the topic.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking:

It’s what we do. We all worry. Some of us are more prone to it. Some of us only do it occasionally. Some of us thrive on it. It devours others of us. Some of us have done it for so long, we don’t even know when we are doing it again. We worry about small, inconsequential things and then we worry about important things and loved ones.

The next time we find ourselves worrying ~ I want us to stop and ask ourselves these questions:

What will worrying about this gain me?
Will my worrying change anything about this situation?
How much time am I willing to devote to worrying about this?
Is this worth my worrying?
Is this something important to worry about or something small and inconsequential?

Would you be willing to commit with me to let go of fretting over the inconsequential, small stuff of life? I’m thinking this might actually decrease a lot of our time spent worrying.

For the bigger stuff we worry about, I’m wondering if there isn’t a way to turn our worrying into a gift of love/care? I asked this question the other day. One of my Less Drama gals shared this insight she had learned long ago about grief, “When you are in the presence of tremendous grief, remember that you are also in the presence of powerful love.” Things that make you go hmm.

When we are worrying about our loved ones or something we care deeply about - couldn’t we say the same is true about our worry? We, too, are worrying because we love so much - we care so much. We, too, are in the presence of love. If you are like me the act of worrying drains energy. How would it change our perception of “worry” if we thought of it as a gift of love/care instead of a burden? Would it change how much it weighs upon us? Would we treat it differently? Would it have a different impact on our hearts and souls? Would it change what we did with those thoughts/concerns? I’m not sure on this one ~ I’m just putting it out there to see what you think about it? I’d love some dialogue.

So what will we do with our worry? Will we let it go? What’s our relationship with worry? Would we like to change how it effects us? What will we do with her? Will we send her packing when she gets us in a tizzy over the small stuff? Will we embrace her as a gift of love when it comes to the big stuff? Let me know your thoughts now that you have mine.

Finding rest today,
Cindy

P.S. A wise man once said, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for today has enough worries of its own.”

Save the Ta-tas!

Just to warn you I'm blogging about mistakes again. Yesterday my sister made a doozie. A mistake with seemingly little consequence but one that I'm sure would mortify each and every one of us. It was a simple and honest mistake that instantly catapulted her to new heights on the most embarrassing moments scale. Let me assure you that she has given me permission to share this story with you.

My sister, Denise, lives on Ft. Hood Army base in Texas. She recently set up a facebook page for Ft. Hood Wives to post local events. It's been a real gift in so many ways for her while her husband is deployed in Iraq. Every day she goes "out" on the internet in search of fun things for families and wives to do in their area. It has been well-received and gets lots of traffic. She already has 200+ fans in less than 3 weeks. She absolutely loves it, she's made some new friends, helped build community and it gives her something to do with her time.

Of course, she misses her husband dearly. She is very creative and is always finding fun ways to let Lee know how much he is loved while he is deployed. Yesterday, she threw caution to the wind and decided to email her man a topless picture of herself. Let me just say that my sissy is as modest as they come. She doesn't even let her big sister see her ta-tas. Do you see where this is headed?

With technology being just a touch pad away on our cellular devices and Lee's email address and Ft. Hood Wives being in succession of each other on her phone ~ GASP with another long pause thrown in for effect ~ Yep, that's right - she "discreetly" posted a topless photo of herself onto the Ft. Hood Wives with Events page on facebook. When she told me about this "little" incident, I encouraged her with these words, "Way to promote breast cancer awareness month." Hehehe. You gotta love big sisters.

Something clicked in her brain right after she sent it. You know that oh-no moment. She went to her facebook page with 200+ fans and sure enough there were her ta-tas staring her in the face. Oh my! (I'm chuckling as I write this but then again it didn't happen to me on my Less Drama Queens fan page.) Can you say horrified? Can you say sheer panic? Of course, she immediately deleted the photo. It was up for all of forty-five seconds. In this faster than a New York Minute tech world we live in - that was long enough to spur on a three hour sparring match on her facebook page. She had made a mistake and she needed a moment to figure out what the best way to handle her "oops" moment. She sat quietly as the firestorm began started by two ladies who were relentless about her indiscretion. They were downright mean and nasty. I could not believe it. She had made an honest (if not horrifying) mistake. She immediately took care of the problem. Within the hour, she had publicly confessed and humbly apologized. She deleted the nasty, off-color comments. The harassment continued ~ I dare say even to this morning. I'm grateful for all the girlfriends who came to my sister's rescue. The majority of the ladies on the site supported her through the barrage of the few and treated it in a light hearted manner. A number of the "wives" reminded everyone there, "We all make mistakes and Hello, our husbands are deployed, who hasn't sent them a picture like this?"

As my sister shared this story with me, I was struck by the power we hold in regards to our girlfriends. We all make mistakes. We all have the power to build up or tear down. We can choose to forgive or not. We can choose to extend grace or not. It saddens me that the "mean, nasty" voices of a few speak louder to our souls than that of the steady, grace-extending majority. I encourage all of us (myself included) to remember this silly little tale when our girlfriends make mistakes. Will we be found on the side of the grace-givers or will we be the ones throwing the stones?

On a side note, it is breast cancer awareness month. Help spread the word. I thank God that my mom is a breast cancer survivor. I thank God for my dear friend and mentor, Vickie, who taught me it was okay to make mistakes. She was a breast cancer survivor for five plus years before it stole her away from us. Take care of your ta-tas and if you ever choose to send someone a picture of them ~ please be sure to verify the address before you hit send.

Laughter is good for the soul,
Cindy