she kept all these things and pondered them in her heart...

“Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.” So says Oscar Wilde.

My hope for us this holiday season is this: That we embrace the precious things that cannot be stolen from us. That we set our compass towards the “real riches” of the season and when we find these moments ~ let us relish in them.

I know that we all have our lists of things that must get done: “buy the turkey, bake the pies, clean the house, put up the lights, bring hostess gifts to a plethora of holiday soirees, trim the tree, clean the house again, buy presents, wrap presents, clean the house yet again, pick up grandma from the airport, get teacher gifts, write holiday cards ~ and the list goes on.” I want to challenge us to put together a different kind of “must get done” list this season.

It might look like this: “Give thanks for my family as we eat a yummy leftover turkey sandwich, share a fun little secret with a dear girlfriend over some hot chocolate, belt out Jingle Bells with our nieces and nephews as we drive down the interstate, stop for a moment in the hustle and bustle of shopping and watch the kids climb up on Santa’s lap, celebrate new beginnings with a glass of champagne on a midnight clear, sit down to a toasty fire and contemplate all that warms my heart...”. You get the idea. I dare us to be intentional this season and as we sit down to make our “keep us sane” to-do list, we would make the equally important (if not more important) list of “real riches” we want to partake in this season.

As you create your “real riches” list allow your senses to come alive. Remember to drink in the sights, sounds, and aromas of the season. Relish in simple family traditions. Embrace this season with the expectancy of a six year old. Let go of the need to have everything “just right”. Sit with what is really important to you. I’m guessing once we take a moment to still our minds - out of our heart the “real riches” list will flow.

Here’s some ideas from Less Drama’s magic moments holiday tips list:

Be intentional about the events you say “Yes” to this season.
Perform a random act of kindness each day this season.
Make a play-list of your favorite holiday tunes for your daily commute.
Have a “Christmas Card Writing” party with your girlfriends complete with festive holiday music and festive beverages.
Commit to staying home one night a week and be intentional about savoring the season.
Organize a spontaneous evening of car caroling with your girlfriends or family ~ if you dare, roll down the windows and share your joy with the city.
Keep a 5 minute-a-day Advent journal.
Craft your own Advent calendar complete with reminders of “real riches.”
Hang white lights around your flat or apartment.
Invite some friends over to watch Elf or The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.
Bake a plate of cookies for your neighbors or apartment building.
Go to bed 15 minutes earlier each weekday night (research says it makes a difference).
Write your “Real Riches” list on a index card and carry it with you as a reminder of all that can’t be stolen from you this holiday season.

I give thanks for you. I give thanks that these contemplations flow from my heart to yours. I look forward to sitting down and creating my own “real riches” list for the season ~ who knows it might become a yearly tradition.

Feeling extremely grateful,
Cindy

sing out loud!

I spend three hours driving most days ~ I know crazy, huh? That's what happens when you become a married country girl who decides to go to nursing school. Don't think I don't remember my days on the 38 Muni in San Francisco as a single, city girl with fondness because I do. A couple of weeks ago when I was searching for some more "breathing room" in my days, I decided (with the encouragement of my Visalia Less Drama Queens) to stop multi-tasking when I drive and spend the time listening to music, driving in silence and/or reflecting on my day. I must admit I haven't been totally successful with my new resolution but when I do it ~ it's bliss.

So, yesterday I'm driving down the road listening to the 70's station on Sirius and "Sing!" by Karen Carpenter came on the radio. It brought me back to circa 1973 ~ I was swinging and singing at the top of my lungs out in our backyard with the audience of me, myself and I. I was full of life and I was content. After all, I was singing out loud and at the ripe ol' age of 7, I knew it was my favorite song. I'm here to tell you I don't have the voice of angels - but I do love belting them out with the likes of Celine.

Of course, I know the words by heart but yesterday these words really hit home and I thought each and every one of us needs our own song to SING:

Sing, sing a song,
sing out loud, sing out strong.
Sing of good things not bad,
sing of happy not sad.
Sing, sing a song.

Make it simple to last your whole life long,
Don't' worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear.
Just sing, sing a song,
Just sing, sing a song,
Just sing, sing a song.

Sing, sing a song,
let the world sing along.
Sing of love there could be.
Sing for you and for me,
sing of the best there could be.
Sing, sing a song.

Make it simple to last your whole life long,
Don't' worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear.
Just sing, sing a song,
Just sing, sing a song,
Just sing, sing a song.

Just a little side note ~ "Sing" was written by Joe Raposo, a staff songwriter for Sesame Street. No wonder it was my favorite at age 7.

So, here's what I'm thinking. It's time you and I became lyricists and wrote our own theme song. Are you willing to take a time out this week? Take the time to reflect on the stuff of life that energizes you, that pumps you up, that inspires you. I dare you to write your own song. Make sure to add the good things...the happy...the stuff that your dreams are made of. Remember as you sit down to compose ~ that Joe says to make it simple to last your whole life long.

Once it's written, I want us to sing it like nobody's listening. I want us to sing of the best. I want us to sing for you and for me and don't forget to sing of the love there could be...Just sing, sing a song! It might sound a bit corny but I'm knowing there's gonna be power in it.

Are you with me on this? Are you willing to let your creative juices flow? If you're in one of my Less Drama Queen groups ~ Guess what? You will get the opportunity live and in person to write your song. I'm gonna use my drive time this week to reflect on this. You can bet my song will include some of these good things:

be real. be true. take time to breathe. love on brad. be still sometimes. the ocean waves are salve to my soul. don't rush. always give thanks for my girlfriends. don't forget that God gives abundantly. create. wait with an expectant heart. share with others. be generous. play hard. laugh lots. live well. thrive.

I can feel my song welling up in my heart as I write. If you're daring, please share your song with us via email or facebook. If you're really daring ~ invite your gal pals over for a song writing party over a glass of wine...how fun would that be?

My heart sings,
Cindy

we all do it! why?

Repeat after me ~ worry changes nothing. Let’s say it again ~ worry changes nothing. That’s right. I’ve known this principle for what seems like forever and yet I still find myself worrying. What’s up with that? I’m not even a worrier by nature. I once signed up for a worry retreat and my roommate knowing that I wasn’t a worrier questioned why? I said, “Well, I went on the anger retreat (which was the precursor to the worry retreat) not thinking I was angry. Let me tell you it was one of the most transforming experiences of my life (You should ask me about it some time). Needless to say I went on the worry retreat. That was at least 7 years ago - why am I still worrying???

Last week, I had something small (in the full scope of life) to worry my pretty little head about. The time I spent fretting wasted too many minutes of my life - maybe, perhaps a few hours in total. I needed to get my leadership rotation shifts scheduled for school and it was all dependent upon my nurse mentor and her schedule. I kept worrying because if I didn’t get them scheduled I could potentially not graduate in December. I knew they would get scheduled, yet in the mean time, I worried. I knew in my head that most things turn out okay in the long run, but as time ticked on and the shifts weren’t scheduled yet, I worked myself into a tizzy. It weighed on me. One night while I was taking a shower which should always be the one place where I have some breathing room and relaxation - it became a full blown frenzy. I kept telling myself - worry changes nothing. It didn’t seem to help. I kept pondering yet again (another word for worry in this particular case) how I might get those shifts scheduled. It was in that moment that I figured out why I worry ~ drum roll, please. I figured out that I some how THINK that if I ponder something LONG enough and hard enough - going through ALL the possible scenarios in my head ~ twisting and turning over EVERY possible combination I will stumble upon the solution. The problem was that the solution did not rest with me. I needed to let it go. For me, the solution came in releasing it to God ~ knowing I hadn’t come this far in nursing school and done so well to have someone else’s schedule hold me back. Guess what? I have my leadership rotation shifts scheduled. Surprise - Surprise. It all came together a couple of days later no thanks to my worrying. I have better things to do with my precious, limited time these days than to wile it away with worry over the small stuff.

I talk with girlfriends every day. Some one of us is always worrying about something. Worry often comes up in our Less Drama Queen coaching groups. I think it’s somehow built into our X-chromosome. I’ve been contemplating this thing called worry for a couple of weeks now. Of course, it’s not the first time I’ve pondered the topic.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking:

It’s what we do. We all worry. Some of us are more prone to it. Some of us only do it occasionally. Some of us thrive on it. It devours others of us. Some of us have done it for so long, we don’t even know when we are doing it again. We worry about small, inconsequential things and then we worry about important things and loved ones.

The next time we find ourselves worrying ~ I want us to stop and ask ourselves these questions:

What will worrying about this gain me?
Will my worrying change anything about this situation?
How much time am I willing to devote to worrying about this?
Is this worth my worrying?
Is this something important to worry about or something small and inconsequential?

Would you be willing to commit with me to let go of fretting over the inconsequential, small stuff of life? I’m thinking this might actually decrease a lot of our time spent worrying.

For the bigger stuff we worry about, I’m wondering if there isn’t a way to turn our worrying into a gift of love/care? I asked this question the other day. One of my Less Drama gals shared this insight she had learned long ago about grief, “When you are in the presence of tremendous grief, remember that you are also in the presence of powerful love.” Things that make you go hmm.

When we are worrying about our loved ones or something we care deeply about - couldn’t we say the same is true about our worry? We, too, are worrying because we love so much - we care so much. We, too, are in the presence of love. If you are like me the act of worrying drains energy. How would it change our perception of “worry” if we thought of it as a gift of love/care instead of a burden? Would it change how much it weighs upon us? Would we treat it differently? Would it have a different impact on our hearts and souls? Would it change what we did with those thoughts/concerns? I’m not sure on this one ~ I’m just putting it out there to see what you think about it? I’d love some dialogue.

So what will we do with our worry? Will we let it go? What’s our relationship with worry? Would we like to change how it effects us? What will we do with her? Will we send her packing when she gets us in a tizzy over the small stuff? Will we embrace her as a gift of love when it comes to the big stuff? Let me know your thoughts now that you have mine.

Finding rest today,
Cindy

P.S. A wise man once said, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for today has enough worries of its own.”

Save the Ta-tas!

Just to warn you I'm blogging about mistakes again. Yesterday my sister made a doozie. A mistake with seemingly little consequence but one that I'm sure would mortify each and every one of us. It was a simple and honest mistake that instantly catapulted her to new heights on the most embarrassing moments scale. Let me assure you that she has given me permission to share this story with you.

My sister, Denise, lives on Ft. Hood Army base in Texas. She recently set up a facebook page for Ft. Hood Wives to post local events. It's been a real gift in so many ways for her while her husband is deployed in Iraq. Every day she goes "out" on the internet in search of fun things for families and wives to do in their area. It has been well-received and gets lots of traffic. She already has 200+ fans in less than 3 weeks. She absolutely loves it, she's made some new friends, helped build community and it gives her something to do with her time.

Of course, she misses her husband dearly. She is very creative and is always finding fun ways to let Lee know how much he is loved while he is deployed. Yesterday, she threw caution to the wind and decided to email her man a topless picture of herself. Let me just say that my sissy is as modest as they come. She doesn't even let her big sister see her ta-tas. Do you see where this is headed?

With technology being just a touch pad away on our cellular devices and Lee's email address and Ft. Hood Wives being in succession of each other on her phone ~ GASP with another long pause thrown in for effect ~ Yep, that's right - she "discreetly" posted a topless photo of herself onto the Ft. Hood Wives with Events page on facebook. When she told me about this "little" incident, I encouraged her with these words, "Way to promote breast cancer awareness month." Hehehe. You gotta love big sisters.

Something clicked in her brain right after she sent it. You know that oh-no moment. She went to her facebook page with 200+ fans and sure enough there were her ta-tas staring her in the face. Oh my! (I'm chuckling as I write this but then again it didn't happen to me on my Less Drama Queens fan page.) Can you say horrified? Can you say sheer panic? Of course, she immediately deleted the photo. It was up for all of forty-five seconds. In this faster than a New York Minute tech world we live in - that was long enough to spur on a three hour sparring match on her facebook page. She had made a mistake and she needed a moment to figure out what the best way to handle her "oops" moment. She sat quietly as the firestorm began started by two ladies who were relentless about her indiscretion. They were downright mean and nasty. I could not believe it. She had made an honest (if not horrifying) mistake. She immediately took care of the problem. Within the hour, she had publicly confessed and humbly apologized. She deleted the nasty, off-color comments. The harassment continued ~ I dare say even to this morning. I'm grateful for all the girlfriends who came to my sister's rescue. The majority of the ladies on the site supported her through the barrage of the few and treated it in a light hearted manner. A number of the "wives" reminded everyone there, "We all make mistakes and Hello, our husbands are deployed, who hasn't sent them a picture like this?"

As my sister shared this story with me, I was struck by the power we hold in regards to our girlfriends. We all make mistakes. We all have the power to build up or tear down. We can choose to forgive or not. We can choose to extend grace or not. It saddens me that the "mean, nasty" voices of a few speak louder to our souls than that of the steady, grace-extending majority. I encourage all of us (myself included) to remember this silly little tale when our girlfriends make mistakes. Will we be found on the side of the grace-givers or will we be the ones throwing the stones?

On a side note, it is breast cancer awareness month. Help spread the word. I thank God that my mom is a breast cancer survivor. I thank God for my dear friend and mentor, Vickie, who taught me it was okay to make mistakes. She was a breast cancer survivor for five plus years before it stole her away from us. Take care of your ta-tas and if you ever choose to send someone a picture of them ~ please be sure to verify the address before you hit send.

Laughter is good for the soul,
Cindy

abc. it's as easy as 123.

Well, maybe it’s not as easy as 123. One of my dearest mentors (a queen mama) in life, Vickie Bare, taught me the importance of having a teachable spirit. She constantly challenged my growing edge. She loved me despite the mistakes I made. Her encouragement went like this, “That’s okay, you’re learning.”

I love learning and growing (been doing it now for 44+ years - yikes). I’ve learned that you can’t have growth without making some mistakes along the way. Bummer, I know. Some of us cringe at the idea of making a mistake. Sometimes that fear keeps us from trying new experiences. Here’s a gentle reminder for us:

If we are making mistakes, it means we are moving forward.
If we are making mistakes, it means we are taking risks.
If we are making mistakes, it means we are on the right track (as long as we are learning from our mistakes.)
If we are making mistakes, we are human.

A girlfriend told me yesterday that Bill Gates won’t hire you unless you have a proven track record of making mistakes. Who knows if that’s true? I did find this quote, “There were a lot of missteps in the early days, but because we got in early we got to make more mistakes than other people,” says Gates. Since Bill Gates is a pretty smart cookie - he knows the wisdom that comes from learning from your mistakes. I’m guessing he banks on it. Banks being the operative word.

I just started my leadership rotation for nursing clinicals this week. I’m hoping I won’t make too many mistakes this rotation but if I do, I’ll learn from them. Our wise instructor (who will remain nameless until I get her permission to share it), has been a nurse for 30+ years and has graduated over 2000+ nurses encouraged us with this thought yesterday:

“If I had a dollar for every mistake I’ve made in my life, I would not be here with you today. I would be on my own private, secluded island somewhere in the tropics with George Clooney, Antonio Banderas, and Benicio Del Toro serving me little umbrella cocktails.”

I dare you to learn something new. Step out and let’s remember that the next time we make a mistake, we are in good company.

I love learning,
Cindy

¡Adios Senorita Inseguridad!

I've been writing about our so out-dated, way-behind-the-times, no-good-for-us friend, Ms. Insecurity, for over a year now. In April, I heard Beth Moore speak to 300,000 ladies on this topic (So Long Insecurity) and I felt called to action.

Needless to say, I've been doing my fair share of contemplating the subject of Ms. Insecurity. During this time, I've also been battling against her wiles and I'd love to share with you some of the insights I've "stumbled" upon:

· Ms. Insecurity is not our friend. She is our enemy.
· She is not looking out for our best interest ~ she relishes in reminding us of our inadequacies, mistakes and our oversights. She wants to hold us back.
· She is a liar. Any thread of truth she whispers has been twisted and tangled up into something ugly and SO NOT the truth.
· She is the president of the "world revolves around me" club. She is continually recruiting members. I'm serious. She is persistent. I keep telling myself that the world doesn't revolve around me and that others don't have time to clutter their pretty, little heads with my state of being or my comings and goings. BUT she keeps on ~ trying to convince me that everyone spends all their waking moments pondering my situation, my perspective, my inadequacies, and my mess-ups. Can you believe her audacity?
· She wants to be our life long friend. We met her when we were young cape wearing, tiara-toting, wand-carrying princesses who believed we could save the world. She came on the scene and dashed our hopes. She's still dashing hopes of making life matter and taking steps towards positive change for the good. She loves pulling the loyalty card, too ~ one of her favorite statements is "Who can you really trust to tell you the truth?"
· She's "friends" with everyone. She is not discriminating. Her "friendship" knows no bounds. She hangs out with the smartest and the not-so smart, the beautiful and the not-so-beautiful, the talented and the not-so, the hopeful and not-so, the boldest and the most fearful, the most successful and the failure, the extrovert and the introvert, the wealthiest and the poorest, the seemingly most confident and the most insecure (and all of us in between those descriptions). She befriends us all at some point along the journey.
· She's over the top BOLD. She shows up all the time unannounced and uninvited. Once we are onto her ways and have told her that she is no longer welcome - she shows up anyway and her words are unrelenting and even more vehement.
· She makes mountains out of molehills. She takes a tiny little thread of truth and turns it into a three-eyed, six-headed, fire breathing monster. You might have made a tiny mistake and then Ms. Insecurity gets a hold of it and whispers not-so-sweet little nothings into your ear until you can't take it anymore and then before you know it - in your mind it's become this hugemongous (that is a word - I don't care what my spel chek says) incident that you are quite embarrassed of and so you avoid the scene of the "crime" (remember it was a tiny little mistake) or the people that witnessed the "crime" for days, weeks, or maybe even a lifetime. Has she ever taken one of your molehills and turned it into Mt. Everest? She's had that effect on me before.
· She doesn't like hearing NO. I've started saying no to her wiles, her whispers and her ways. She doesn't like it. She talks louder. She gets me to listen to her when I'm tired or over-stressed. Yesterday, I was really tired and I swear she tried to take over my brainwaves. I kept saying, "nananana ~ I'm not listening to you." (Actually, I was too tired to be that sassy to her.) That would silence her for a moment. When she kept on (as she does) I enlisted the help of a trusted friend - who set me straight and reminded me of the treasure I am and how silly Ms. Insecurity's lies really are.
· She hates our success! You should hear her rants when you've succeeded. Like I said, she's persistent and doesn't like defeat. Our success proves her wrong every time. It rattles her cages and she comes back even fiercer. This is the greatest insight I've learned over the last year in my study of her behavior. If we can be vigilant and valiant in our attempts to mute her out - she does eventually get the message and moves on - leaving us to celebrate our successes ~ the small and the great ones. One day we will conquer her together!

With all this insight - I'm thinking it's time we said Bye Bye to Ms. Insecurity for good. The truth is that it doesn't happen over night ~ darn it. It's a journey. It's a choice. It takes concerted effort. We have to be committed to it. We need help ~ we can't do it alone.

Are you ready to say Bye Bye? Let's say hello freedom, confidence, joy, true friendship, success, radiance, brilliance, and hope ~ whatever it is that our insecurity holds us back from.

Will you step up your game and say "I'm not listening" to Ms. Insecurity's lies? Will you be more aware when she shows up and ask to her to leave (politely, of course)? Will you ask a trusted friend to join you in saying bye bye? What step will you take today?

Contemplating Freedom,

Cindy

trust yourself

I had my p’s all in a row. The content for the evening had gone through the process ~ I had percolated. I had planned. I had prepared. I was ready.

As Less Drama Queens of Bakersfield began Wednesday night, I sensed that the agenda for the night needed to shift. I went with my gut and let go of the plan. In my little bag o’ tricks, I pulled out some postcards that had a quote printed on them. I asked each of the participants to take turns reading the quote aloud, “Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”

They looked at me, “You want us to each read the same quote out loud one after another??” Yes, please! They did as they were asked. As each of them read it with heart, it began to sink into our souls. Trust yourself. Trust yourself. Trust yourself.

The evening was one of the most powerful coaching sessions I have ever been honored to facilitate. My take-away for the evening was this: When I trust myself, good things come to fruition and my confidence is given a boost.

I’m believing that the same is true for each and every one of us. We’ve got reason to trust ourselves. What are your reasons?

You really didn’t think I would let you get off the hook easily, did you? If you are due for a confidence boost, please take out a sheet of paper.

Step 1: Write this quote at the top of the paper, “Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”

Step 2: Read it out loud (at least 3 times). Yes, I really want you to read it out loud.

Step 3: Write down at least five reasons you can trust yourself. If you have trouble coming up with this list, think about why others might trust you.

Step 4: Call a trusted girlfriend. Tell her about this blog post. Ask her if she would be willing to share in this confidence booster with you. Email her the quote.

Step 5: Read the quote out loud at least once (one after the other).

Step 6: Ask her to share with you at least one reason she trusts you. Write down the reason/s she trusts you in another column on the page. Then be sure to tell her why you trust her.

Step 7: Discuss together, “How does one create the kind of self that you would be happy to live with all your life?” Remember there is no right formula.

Step 8: Ponder the inner sparks of possibility within yourself. What are those sparks that could turn into flames of achievement? This might be a bit difficult for some of you. Really think about those little sparks that have lived dormant within you. If you’re still stumped, ask your girlfriend for help with this question. Write down your tiny, inner sparks on the piece of paper.

Step 9: Think about which spark you would like to begin to fan in the next couple of weeks - so that it might turn into a flame of achievement. Make a commitment to take an action step toward fanning the spark. It can be a small step. Just commit to do it. Share this with your girlfriend. Ask her to please hold you accountable.

Step 10: Go back to your list of the reasons why you can trust yourself. Take one of those reasons and “marry” it to the inner spark that you plan to fan into a flame. Share this with your girlfriend. Post it on an index card and place it on your dashboard, nightstand or bathroom mirror. Finish this exercise by reading the quote once again. “Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”

If you’re pressed for time, at least take a moment to ponder why you can trust yourself. Make sure to post the list. My hope for each of us is to be reminded that we indeed have reason to trust ourselves. Trust yourself!

If you dare, I’d love to hear your reasons why you can trust yourself. Please email me at cindy@lessdrama.com. Here’s five reasons why I can trust myself: My friends and family love me dearly; God is with me; I’m resilient; When I make mistakes, I’m willing to learn from them; and I know myself well.

Trusting,
Cindy